https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 01:39:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761284 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 15:24:03 +0000 bubblegum 2761284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@broadwaygal: I actually have and haven't gotten any responses yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761283 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 15:23:35 +0000 bubblegum 2761283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I'm sure it is. Thanks love </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761281 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 15:14:20 +0000 broadwaygal 2761281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You might want to go over to JNMIL on Reddit, they are a super helpful bunch of people who deal with situations like this all the time.</p> <p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/" rel="nofollow">https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761277 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 14:56:58 +0000 catomd00 2761277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: ageeed. Trust me, as hard as it is for you to be in that situation, it's a million times harder for him. It ducks in sorry. I really feel for you both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761276 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 14:46:15 +0000 bubblegum 2761276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: That's the fear. I know it'll be difficult for other relationships to be maintained but after talking to so many of your ladies today, I feel like It's best to walk away and DH be the only one to have a relationship with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761268 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 14:09:16 +0000 catomd00 2761268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother is this person in our marriage. My husband chooses not to see my mother, which I am okay with. I have a very strained and distant relationship with her that I keep visits to the bare minimum and only for my grandoarents' sake. Once they all pass, I forsee myself taking the final step to cutting ties. I'd have almost no issue cutting her out, but you're right - it's messy as hell to navigate if you want to keep relationships with other family members. But, family or not, toxic people are not good to be around and you need to take care of yourself and your family first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761161 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:41:57 +0000 bubblegum 2761161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Honestly as the day goes on I feel worst about the situation and want her out of my life and my children's life. To make matters worst, DH facetimed her by mistake and she called back and he answered. After almost a month of not hearing from her, it's like he just opened the door again. I want no parts of her. I feel horrible around her or even when she contacts us. It's just not healthy for me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761159 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:39:46 +0000 bubblegum 2761159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: that's so sad. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761143 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:18:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2761143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry! I can't imagine having to live with this daily. I see two options - Either DH cuts her off or gives an ultimatum of his mom going to therapy too (alone, with him, with both of you) but I feel like she'd NEVER go since that means admitting she's wrong! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761128 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 09:43:43 +0000 cascademom 2761128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I figure that over time they'll figure it out and call her out on it, not me. That will be a lot worse for her than me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761123 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 09:36:59 +0000 bubblegum 2761123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: I'm sure it's been super difficult. Good for you and DH that you guys survived it. That's the scariest part for me. </p> <p>WHAT?! That's bullshit. You can't buy presents for one and not the other. Not that being a grandparents is about presents but come on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761114 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 09:05:03 +0000 cascademom 2761114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: It's taken me years to get to this point with my MIL. My DH and I went to marriage counseling for 8 months after incident. We haven't been since, but do need some tune-up. </p> <p>As far being a grandma, she's not great. She'll FaceTime with them and claim to miss them, but I don't believe it. There's been weeks and weeks where they won't make contact with them. She's also only ever bought presents for our eldest not our youngest. So yeah, she's not great at it all. When she sees them, she plays grandma really well. Otherwise, she's crap at it.</p> <p>Like I said, it's taken years and years to get to this point. I accept her failings as a human being, MIL, and grandma and have the lowest expectations possible for her. Learning not to take it so personal has been the hardest part to overcome. It's how I learned to deal with her type of toxicity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761087 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:06:12 +0000 bubblegum 2761087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: I haven't but I will look into it. That's exactly how I've been keeping it. I actually have no social media because even if she's not on it, others will tell her what's going on. Do you feel like she's a good grandmom at least? In my situation, she's not. Did it take a very long time for you to get to that point with her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761074 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 06:34:11 +0000 cascademom 2761074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you read the book Toxic In-laws? It's helped me a great deal with my own MIL whose vocal about how I was not the one she wanted my DH to marry or have kids with. </p> <p>Since a really terrible event almost 5 years ago that almost broke up our marriage while caring for a newborn, I make a point of not having a relationship with her or a very superficial one. She has little access to my social media, we don't have long conversations, I keep it surface level stuff. Lately, I've taken to not being in the same room when they FaceTime with the kids. I play time keeper for kids and DH in those scenarios and am doing something else like cleaning during that point. This is how I've dealt with her. She can't handle relationships with people associated with my husband, acts like she's one of the gang, other issues. I keep her surface level, send occasional gifts, but she knows little about me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761072 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 06:29:17 +0000 bubblegum 2761072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: @lamariniere: I totally hear you ladies. Thank you :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761063 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 00:15:21 +0000 lamariniere 2761063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @gingerbebe: and @youboots: and think it's in your best interest to cut ties with your MIL. I don't have first hand experience cutting out family members, but growing up, I saw my mother do it with her family. Years later, I found out the reasons why and I totally understood and was extremely sympathetic. I personally don't think anyone should accept abuse from family members for the sake of family ties. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761061 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 23:20:01 +0000 youboots 2761061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cut my own father out of my life and have no regrets, it's been over a year. I made this choice under the care of a trusted therapist. I do believe he is a narcissist or has a borderline issue or is an alcoholic. IDGAF what is wrong with him. He will not poison my DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761022 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:55:48 +0000 bubblegum 2761022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: absolutely!! He's doing it for me and I feel as though down the road he'll miss her and want her around. It happened with FIL. He cut him out because of his own reasoning and then missed him and wanted to fix everything. So I would feel so silly if he cuts her out on my behalf and then wants her back around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761019 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:48:16 +0000 gingerbebe 2761019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand why you don't think cutting out your MIL is a bad solution. If my parents did that to my husband, I'd be out yesterday. Like, what you want is for your MIL to not be crazy, but if she won't stop being one, you can only control what works for you and your family. Your husband seems willing to do what it takes to protect his family but you don't want him to? I'm not sure what you expect your husband to do then? Is it one of those things where you think he will resent you later on for cutting ties? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761017 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:27:53 +0000 bubblegum 2761017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coral: thanks love. She never asks about them but blames us because in her opinion it's our job to keep her involved. She comes around once in a blue and her idea of being a great grandmom is just buys birthday and Christmas gifts. That's what makes me a little scared, like I won't expect her bad mouthing me to my kids. Things took a turn for the worst when I got pregnant with DS. She was so vocal about being "forgotten" and DS favoring my mom over her. Mind you, he was still in my womb!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761012 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:08:52 +0000 Coral 2761012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I'm sorry. :heart: I agree with PP. How is your MIL with your kids? It's so hard for me to fathom not wanting a healthy relationship with the mother of your grandchildren. Also, when did your relationship start taking a turn? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761011 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:06:59 +0000 bubblegum 2761011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maddyz: @Littlebit7: I think that would be very helpful. We need help finding middle ground. He wants to cut ties because it's the "easy" solution but I feel like that will be the bad decision later down the road. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761010 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 18:03:59 +0000 Littlebit7 2761010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with above. At a certain point this is going to start to erode your relationship with your DH if you don't have a game plan to move forward. A third party might be the best person to help you both move forward as a united front. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761008 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 17:58:46 +0000 maddyz 2761008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry you are in this position. Can you and DH see a therapist? It would be really helpful to have someone to put this all in perspective and help you come up with a team plan to deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/yup-my-mil-still-hates-me-vent#post-2761007 Sun, 23 Jul 2017 17:52:18 +0000 bubblegum 2761007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So a week or two ago I wrote about how much my MIL hates me that she was taking it out on her daughter. MIL and I have been having problems for 3 years, yup all 3 years DH have been married. The years before that were just fine. Well right before I have DD (3 months ago) MIL and I had a very long conversation where I basically told her I know she dislikes me and that is okay. I told her to maintain a relationship with DH and she does not have to speak to me. Welllll I found out she went running to SMIL and FIL basically bad mouthing me up and down and saying hurtful comments and passing them off as my own. </p> <p>Ladies, I havetried so hard with this lady. I try my best to treat her well and even when she goes on her crazy sprees, I try to be civil for DH. But the anxiety I feel is unbearable. I now think about all future events where I'll have to deal with her and it makes me feel AWFUL that someone thinks so negativity about me. She makes me seem like such an awful person. What's worst is she's making others think her opinions are fact. </p> <p>I know FIL, SMIL and I are in a great place now but it took use about 2 years to get there. So I feel like by her planting that seed will get their gears moving. </p> <p>I'm heartbroken. I feel like my character is perceived so negatively and falsely at that. DH has told her time and time again how great I am but in true narcissistic style, she flips the script, always. </p> <p>I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like cutting them out will only make things worst. DH is willing to cut his mom's side out, who also shit talk on me, but I know he loves his mom. He's willing to not have her at events but I just feel like that's so messy and will prove how "awful" I am, like she already thinks. I know her mind is made up about me and I can't change that, but how do I deal with all the rest? </p>