I have three half siblings with whom I was raised. I also have two stepsisters. I have two kids and I really do yearn for a third, but when I think back to the chaos of having four in our home and being the oldest I just can't commit to having another. The part of me that is like my mother and who wants a big family wants a third, but the part of me that remembers being the oldest sister just can't do it. It doesn't help that if I were to have a third, my oldest would be nearly the same age I was when my mother had her last two, who were twins. When I was in high school I was conscripted into babysitting in nearly every afternoon. I was at the park talking to a mom of 4 and she said that it gets easier after 3 because the oldest can "help out." I actually had a strong and negative emotional reaction to that! My mom had a hard time finding a way to teach me how to drive because she needed a sitter, could never come to any of my performances/events and would have me stay at school for school events and then just pick me up afterwards even if the event ended way late in the evening. she was never able to pick me up after school for clubs or drop me off early for clubs. I could never get a job because she did not want to have to get the other three kids in the car to take me to work (me having a car of my own was not a financial priority understandably), she scheduled all of her appointments/shopping in the afternoon so that I could watch the kids when I got home from school, etc. Even now I have a very distant relationship with my mother. I realize a lot of this has to do with how she handled motherhood, and was not absolutely necessary even though we were a large family. But at the same time I know that we are related and have some of the same flaws, so I worry that if I had more kids I would fall into the same unhealthy patterns. My step sisters did not live with me, but my oldest step sister is my step-father's daughter and he has an incredibly strained relationship with her. So I am under no illusion that having a lot of kids means that you will have closeness as everyone gets older.

If you had a bunch of siblings, what are your feelings about family size?