I need some concrete ideas of how to handle O's new found defiance. She's not having big tantrums or screaming "NO" at me, but she's basically ignoring every request or correction. My go-to is if-then statements but I'm not sure how effective that is at this age (27m) and even if it is somewhat effective, I hate spending my day basically threatening her. It sets such a negative tone and she definitely escalates the defiant behavior when she knows I'm already frustrated.

Examples: refusing to get in car seat by stalling in every way possible (standing up, grabbing for toys/water/book/socks/whatever, playing games with whoever else is in the car, basically just pretending I'm not there)
ignoring requests to stop climbing on the coffee tables-or climbing on them while staring at me and smiling
bothering the dogs constantly
ignoring me when we are out doing things to the point that it becomes borderline dangerous (trying to walk away in the parking lot, etc)

I feel like she acts like we are total pushovers, but we aren't (I don't think). Is this just normal 2 year old testing? If so, how do you have semi-positive days when they test ALL.THE.TIME? Are we missing something?