I just don't know what else to fricken do anymore. Our Lo has had 3 viruses including roseola and two bacterial infections since oct. It's been back to back to back with it already. Ok fine i get it it's daycare they get sick. Don't talk shit about me because I've taken my kid yet again to the Doc after yet again trying to ride it out for at least a week. I can only stand to watch the poor thing suffer for so long. Today though.......that was the straw i think that's gonna break this girls back.
I have really liked the teacher/ECE that runs our Lo's daycare room. Baby girls seems to like her too. I asked if it would be ok to hire her after hours as a sitter from time to time so daddy and I could have a night out once in a while. She was on board and we started to get more acquainted with each other, day to day chatting it up at pickup and drop off. Last night was my works Christmas party and we just had nana watch lo. When I got home at 9pm lo was still up and just eating dinner. Nana said she wasn't tired when she tried to get her to nap so she went down late. anyways I said this in conversation with Mrs E about how I should of just hired her because nana can be a push over sometimes. as in as soon as nana goes to put lo down for a nap and lo refuses she goes and gets her out of the crib instead of waiting it out a couple minuets. Lo likes to test people sometime. Mrs E responds with "ya I know, she's persistent she'll stand in her crib at daycare with her head on the railing staring at the door for 40 minuets some days before she finally lays down for her nap." I wrapped up the conversation from there and took lo home.
Now before I go any further I want someone anyone to tell me if there is something wrong with what I was told today?
Am I over reacting to think that 40 minuets alone in a crib starting at a door for someone to come is a bit excessive? I'm right fit to rip someones head off tomorrow when I go in.
How would you react to this?
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Personally, no. She's not upset, just staring? E dicks around for up to an hour in her crib sometimes.
What do you want them to do?....delay your LO's nap?
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So... just hanging out and not crying? I mean... personally I dont really see a problem with that. My kid screws around in her bed for like 20-30 minutes most nights before finally falling asleep.
If she was screaming for 40 minutes, I might have an issue. CIO/sleep training is something that really should be done by the parents.
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Yeah, this sounds like pretty normal toddler behaviour. On Saturday, LO just sat in her crib babbling for over an hour. She wasn't upset, and she needed her quiet time, but obviously wasn't ready to sleep.
I wouldn't be upset, unless LO was SCREAMING for the 40 minutes, and daycare just ignored her. -
@blackbird: I'm not sure. They had asked me to write out her schedule when she started because the plan was to follow what I'd been doing at home. I'm thinking from what I've saw recently that they are putting the babies down all at the same time and my lo isn't tired because it isn't her usual nap time. I feel like they are just leaving her in there until she gives up and goes down. She doesn't ever do that at home. I've given her like 5 maybe 10min and she's out cold but never 40 minuets. That just seems excessive. Why not take her out and let her burn off some energy for that 40 min and then she'll more than likely pass out. I don't know. This is why I always post here before I make and rash decisions.
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She didn't say if she was crying or not and I just don't know what I should say or do next. Would they even admit if she was?
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As long as she's not crying, I wouldn't be upset. I might ask them to push back her nap though, if that's possible!
I'd be careful of saying something to one caretaker about another caretaker though! Never know if and when they might compare notes...
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@MamaPhoenix: yeah but that makes sense to me-that your LO generally conforms to the daycare schedule. E naps when the other toddler naps, it's not personal E time.
If they did take your LO out, she'd have to go down when all the other kids are awake and running amuck. It just makes sense to me that there is ONE quiet time for all the kids. Your kid might sometimes go down easily but not always.
If E had a rough day, T doesn't mind telling me she cried a lot. It does happen sometimes but...sometimes she has days like that at home, too.
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@blackbird: Ya we do same nap schedules for toddlers too, but they had said that the infant room had more freedom with the schedule and naps.
I'm also concerned that our Lo has had many fevers with her illnesses lately. she's sick more often than not and that she's being left with a fever to just stand in her crib. They do call to get permission to give her like Tylenol and I say yes but are they waiting till the fever breaks? or just given her the stuff and dumping her in a crib? I dunno. -
My LO rolls around for 30 min sometimes before falling asleep. As long as she isn't crying I wouldn't be upset about it.
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@MamaPhoenix: you'll have to ask and get specifics-I usually have to pick ella up if she has a fever or I give her advil before she goes if she's unwell
For me, it would matter if LO was upset.
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I gotta stop listening to pple irl. I've got a few mom's i've asked their opinion and they're all like "that's neglect I would talk to the supervisor"
I wasn't sure what to do. -
We changed J's sleep schedule to conform to daycare nap because they napped earlier than he did at home. We started waking him an hour earlier, then putting him to nap/bed an hour earlier. It didn't take very long for him to adapt, and then it didn't take an hour for him to fall asleep.
J does that constantly though, just sitting/playing/talking in his crib before falling asleep, sometimes up to an hour. As long as he isn't crying/screaming, I have no issue with it.
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I would personally leave my own LO in her bed for that long as long as she wasn't upset, that being said, it gives me anxiety thinking of someone else doing that "to" her so I totally get where you're coming from. I think it's probably okay though, it doesn't sound like she's upset for that amount of time.
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@Mrs. Pen: I have to start doing something like that too. It's just hard because our day to day varies to much.
@Mrs. Sunshine: I totally feel the same in regards to others leaving her, but I'm not getting a strong feeling that she isn't in there crying. Just kinds waiting. -
@MamaPhoenix: that seems a bit intense....consider the sources perhaps heh. Some people consider daycare to be neglectful in and of itself
I bet the teachers would be happy to clear things up for you. You should always feel comfortable getting clarification from them!
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@blackbird: tell me about it!!!!
This first time mom stuff is for the birds... all this worrying . I never know what's ok and what's not. I'll be grateful if I only mess my kid up a little bit. Ugh parenting!
What would I say to them without it sounding like I was accusing them? -
@MamaPhoenix: lo has done that at her sitter's house and sometimes she has even cried for a little bit. Usually it is when we come back from a break and she is getting used to her routine again. I don't like her crying, but she is stubborn and if you just went and got her every time you wouldn't get anything done because you would be holding her all the time.
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Yeah this seems like normal behaviour, both on the daycare and on your child's part, and if the issue doesn't involve allowing your little one to scream unattended, I personally wouldn't take issue with it.
Also, totally with a grain of salt but when we started our little lady at daycare when she was 12 months old, our ped said to expect her to be sick 1 of every 2 days for the first year there. It wasn't too far from the truth...but now she is hardly ever sick (and is 5!).
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I would have a meeting with the director and just ask about how your LO is napping. See what they say. I think if she isn't crying and just hanging out that long it is ok.
I know at our daycare naptime for everyone is at the same time. When they first start out in the baby room there is more flexibility and they will put them down for a second nap if needed but at 12 months plus they try to get them to all nap at the same time.
We tried to follow daycares naptime on the weekends but DS always goes for a nap earlier at home. I don't worry about it.
As for sickness DS is 21 months and started daycare at 12 months. I can't even count how many times he has been sick. In the last three months he has had two ear infections and pink eye never mind the constant runny nose.
Follow your mama instinct and do what you think is best for your LO.
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LO naps so much better at daycare than at home. I've always tried to emulate their routine. Recently they mentioned that she's now one of the best nappers and only takes about 25 min to settle down and fall asleep. I thought that sounded long but they were happy with it. I don't think 40 minutes sounds neglectful or anything. Maybe you can ask if they have any suggestions for shortening that time. A lovey or something.
The daycare colds are frustrating. I hope they get better for you and LO soon.
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Sounds ok to me, at our in home daycare she let's her cry for a while.
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I know kids at daycare get sick a lot at first, but don't most places have a"fever-free for 24 hours" policy? Not that there is something wrong with your LO having a fever there if that's not their policy (totally understand about not being able to take a million days off work, but if everyone keeps their sick kids at the daycare that might explain why your LO is getting more serious viruses frequently.
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I guess I'm neglectful according to people you know in real life, because my toddler regularly takes about a half hour to fall asleep for his nap! Haha. And I'm guessing part of the reason it might be tougher at daycare is because it is a different environment than napping at home where she is in her room by herself.
That sucks about all the illnesses though, I'm sorry.
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In the infant room, my daycare had a limit of 10 min of crying before they took the baby out of the crib and tried a nap another time. But not crying??? Seems reasonable to me. There are so many distractions at daycare, it can certainly take a while to wind down.
In the toddler room, they all nap at the same time. And now my kid naps longer at daycare than at home. Little stinker.
And unfortunately the sicknesses are par for the course. It's what happens when you put so many (adorable) slime balls all in the same room. :-P. But it will get better!!!
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My children were both just awake for an hour in their cribs, and I don't consider that neglect in the least:)
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If she was crying i would be upset because we don't do cio. I have no issues with "quiet time" in the crib. My 10 month old will hang out in her crib up to 60 minutes sometimes before falling asleep. Taking her out to burn off energy isn't an option because she gets cranky and overstimulated mad overtired. I don't know how old your LO is but at 6 months my dd was put on the daycare nap schedule (we also follow it home). As they get older they're not going to have a choice at our center so might as well get on the schedule now. Kids adapt quickly. As long as she isn't overtired or being left in distress I think you will need to let it go.
And the illness thing sucks but it is what it is. They either go through it at daycare or their first year in school. There's little that can be done.
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I wouldn't be upset if she wasn't crying. I would ask them to push her naptime to later, if possible, since that might be too early. Then, hopefully, she'll fall asleep more quickly if it makes you uneasy that it takes her so long to fall asleep.
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@MamaPhoenix: I would be more concerned about the Tylenol and fever issue. If LO has a fever, she can't return for 24 hours and we are immediately called. If this isn't there policy, its probably why your LO is getting sick more often.
As for the crib issue- I would not worry 1 second about it. She needs to nap and if she is just hanging out then falls asleep, I don't see a problem at all. She is safe in a crib. Thats not neglect.
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i know 40 minutes can sound like a long time, so i understand your concern. for me, i had the opposite issue. i kinda wish our daycare would have left LO in the crib for at least 20 minutes so that he could fall asleep. as it was, he remained so stimulated outside the crib that even under 12 months old he was getting one single 15-minute nap per day. it was horrible. if a 40-minute wait would have gotten him to take at least one nice long nap, i would have taken it. of course, it's different if they're doing it 5 times per day or something.
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I know my LO fought (and still does) naps and as long as she wasn't upset/making noise they would leave her in the crib until she fell asleep. This did not upset me because I do/did the same thing at home. It would be different if she was crying, however I can't see them leaving a crying/upset child with other sleeping kids out of fear of waking them up. This isn't something I would go in raising hell about, but I would as for more specifics on the naptime routine.
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I agree w PP's. As long as she wasn't screaming/crying for 40 mins it wouldn't bother me. DD always takes a little while to settle down into her nap/bedtime. Sometimes its a few minutes and sometimes its 30-40 mins
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Oh man, if that's neglect, lock me up. If LO is content to just chill in the crib, then I'm content to let him do it. How are they supposed to learn to fall asleep if you run in there every 10 minutes? Now at 2.5 years old, there are some days where he doesn't fall asleep and just rolls around in bed reading books and chatting to himself for 2 hours until I go get him.
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As for hte fever, our daycare only sends children home when it gets to 100 degrees that's the policy, they do ask if they can give Tylenol before that to help keep it down. If it gets over 100 then she has to be fever free for 24 hours before returning. It is more lenient if the fever cause is mostly likely teething.
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This doesn't sound strange to me. Kids act differently in daycare than they do at home and it doesn't sound like your LO was in distress.
The thing I like about daycare is that no teacher is ever really "alone" with the kids, there is always someone else looking in - whether it's another teacher, the owner or other parents. Because of this I tend to pick my battles with daycare since I know they need to do things a certain way due to the ratio and flow of the day. This wouldn't stop me from hiring her to babysit, but I might make a comment like: "When you watch LO at my house I want things done a certain way" just to make it clear that she should be respecting your wishes.
I bet the teachers would be happy to clear things up for you. You should always feel comfortable getting clarification from them!
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