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I just...can't. This is devastating and I am HEARTBROKEN for this poor, beautiful boy and how scared he must have been. I am concerned about the poor mother who lost a baby and that poor child who suffered so terribly. I am just sick.
As far as his charge: Purposely or not, I don't care about the dad, he is not my concern.
I send out a prayer to God, to always help me be alert and never let forgetfulness allow me to make any mistake which will ever harm my child. We are all but human-beings...we make mistakes, and some mistakes are deadly. -
@CupQuakeWalk: I know. My heart is breaking for this Mom. I just can't even imagine. Losing your child and knowing it was your DH's fault (accident or not). I just can't. I won't repeat what another article said about the child, that just had me in tears at my desk.
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@irene: I think it sounds fishy and police are doing right to charge him with murder. The trial will determine if it was an accident or not. But, if it was an accident, why would you want to convict him of murder? If I did that - left my little beautiful, fun, happy little 10 month old light-of-my-life in the car and she died. DIED. My life would be over. You could throw me in the darkest dungeon for the rest of my life and it wouldn't even come close to the punishment I would have because she was gone. So what use would it serve to the community to send me to jail? As a deterrent? I promise you, that people who check their cars every day to make sure their children aren't in the backseat are not checking because they are afraid of jail. They are doing it because they don't want their babies to die. That's deterrent enough.
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I haven't read the article and do not know this case.
I don't think true accidents should have a murder conviction, but it happens all the time. Like being convicted of Involuntary manslaughter in car accidents. Sadly, our legal system has to sometimes convict people of accidents that they did not intend to do. Guess part of it is trying to give justice to the victims.
Either way, if this was a true accident, it's so sad. If it wasn't an accident, then it would piss me off.
ETA: I just realized we are talking about a murder conviction and I'm not a lawyer but I thought murder and manslaughter convictions are just as bad. I know they aren't the same, but having a manslaughter conviction for an true accident sounds so harsh.
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@PermaStudent: Thank you for posting that link. Very powerful article.
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@Grace: This was a really good post. I totally agree.
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my toddler is almost always 100% silent (awake) in the car whenever we drive FWIW. That aside, I can't even read the details on this case because it makes me sick.
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@scg00387: mine is too.
I have a car seat mirror though, so every time I look in my rear view mirror, I see my child. I wonder if that would make a difference for the incidents where it is truly an accident. Because I am quite an absent minded and forgetful person, but I don't see how I could forget my child if I physically see him in the mirror when he is rear facing.
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@bluestriped bee: One of the elements of manslaughter is usually that they "recklessly" cause the death of another person. So, while it wasn't an intentional act, it's not exactly a pure accident either. For instance, the person was under the influence, etc. They had no intent to kill, but they acted so recklessly that there is some culpability. Point being, in theory, a person shouldn't be convicted of manslaughter in a true accident.
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I wish I hadn't read this article. That poor baby. And if it was an accident... well, imagine coming back to your car at the end of a long day and finding you'd forgotten to drop off the baby and he was..... oh God. So awful.
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@Mrs. Blue: oh, I didn't know about the reckless component of manslaughter. Learned something new. Thanks.
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My heart is breaking for that beautiful baby and his Mama. I could not live with myself if that happened to me, and it very well could, it could happen to anyone. I know I've been on auto pilot and driven right on past the turn off to the babysitter, or head towards the school when school is out etc etc...
The thing that helps me is keeping my things I need for the day in the backseat so I have to back there and get them.
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@StbHisMrs: that's a good idea too!
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@Mamaof2: If the article is right, and it's horrific, I could not sign that petition.
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@bluestriped bee: Technically, murder and manslaughter are not equally *bad* . . . the distinction between the two is usually evaluated based on the state of mind of the actor (whether it was intentional or not, and whether the actor can be held responsible for their actions). In many jurisdictions, manslaughter carriers a much lighter mandatory sentence as compared to murder; for example, 1-15 years for manslaughter versus 25-60 years for murder (and depending on the state, the possibility of the death penalty) . . . although the exact ranges vary by state/jurisdiction.
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Stories like this break my heart. I cannot imagine what that little boy went through - it makes me sick to think about and makes me want to go grab my two sleeping babies and never let them go.
I have no opinion on this case as this is the first I'm hearing about it, but I truly, truly hope this was a terrible accident. I don't think I can handle knowing that a parent did this to their child deliberately.
As for punishing him if it truly was an accident, no, I don't agree with that. I also don't really agree with the OP's analogy in her original post. A pilot getting drunk and flying a plane is a completely different situation - you wilfully make a decision in that scenario and deserve to live with the consequences. Forgetting your child in the car is an accident and not a choice someone wilfully makes, unless of course it wasn't an accident, which makes it a whole different scenario.
For those of you who have not read that Washington Post article, I cannot recommend it strongly enough. It is an eye opening article, particularly in hammering home the point that it could happen to any single one of us, most particularly those who are so brazen as to say it could never happen to me. It is a horrific article and had me sobbing throughout, but it is such an important issue we all need to be educated on.
My thoughts and prayers will be with that precious little boy and his family at such a heartbreaking time.
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@PermaStudent: That article totally haunts me too. I am constantly worrying about this happening to my husband or to myself.
I don't know the details of the case mentioned in the OP, but I if it was an accident/unintentional, I think losing one's child is punishment enough.
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The Post article is something I read years and years ago, and it has haunted me ever since. I think this can happen to good people, by total accident.
This particular case seems fishy, especially considering he didn't just go to work. He went to breakfast with his kid first. Then he went back out to his car at lunch. Not to mention reports that he googled... ugh. I can't even. That poor, sweet little boy. It makes me sick to my stomach... actually nauseous.
It sounds like he should be charged with murder.
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@2PeasinaPod: the post article also recommended putting your cell phone/purse/office badge in the backseat next to your child... something that you would realize you were missing right away if you did not go to the backseat.That is what I do, but I am still freaked out about this. I also have a reminder alarm on my phone, just to be extra cautious. My husband believes it could never happen to him, which terrifies me. I agree with a PP that people who think that way are being naïve. He usually doesn't take LO to daycare, but if he does, I always try to text him afterwards to ask how drop off went, just to make sure he didn't forget her. I can totally see how someone could make that mistake, especially if the child was more quiet than usual or if the person was deviating from his/her normal routine.
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@MsLipGloss: Yeah, I knew manslaughter was less severe than murder. I guess this is coming from normal person (without legal experience) reading articles about some accident where it seemed to be an inadvertent accident but the person goes to jail for involuntary manslaughter. I need to remember that the conviction was given based off of what was said during the court case. Could have been negligence that was discovered later and not mentioned in the article I read.
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It was horrible and I can't say it was on purpose but I don't understand how you can leave a baby in the car and not for one second remember it was in there. Even if you walked away and maybe a few minutes later thought about it. I think it was even crazier for him to have walked to his car on break and still didn't realize it. Like others say it doesn't really add up and I think he should be charged with something because regardless it was neglect rather it was a mistake or not
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Looks like the internet search rumors might be true.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/27/justice/georgia-toddler-death-duplicate-2/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
I just can't imagine what the Mom is going through.
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@Smurfette: ugh...that makes me sick
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@Smurfette: I read that this morning and have been chatting on FB about it with a friend. Disgusting. They have surveillance video of him returning to his car at lunch and putting something in the driver's seat. Apparently the smell in the car would've been so horrid after work, he wouldn't have been able to drive a whole mile without noticing and stopping for help
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This is too heartbreaking to bear. I have thought about it a lot. Sometimes the world is so awful and sad. But as Mister Rogers said there are helpers too. Poor sweet baby boy.
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@JoJoGirl: I can't believe it was an accident since it came out yesterday that he went to this car. But you are right about the smell. I just can't think about it....
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@JoJoGirl: Good Lord, that's horrifying.
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Ok so, I am NOT defending this guy, and more than likely- it's looking like he is in fact guilty, BUT I don't necissarily think searching the internet for "how long it takes an animal to die in hot car" is that damning of evidence. Does he have pets, was he curious, did he see an animal inside a car, how long ago was this search? I mean- I search the internet for some weird stuff- just the other night I googled if a baby can die falling out of a crib. (My LO just started climbing out and I am paranoid.) I've search before if a baby can die by giving too much tylenol (I accidentally gave 2x the recc'd amount on accident). I just don't think you can assume he is guilty because of that search. Why didnt he google how long a baby can survive in a hot car??
Anyways, all of this is terribly tragic regardless, and I am just praying in my heart of hearts this wasnt intentional. I just cannot comprehend in any form how a seemingly loving, normal parent (according to friends/relatives) could purposefully leave their child in a hot car while knowing the amount of suffer and torture their child is going through. My mind cannot comprehend that.
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Ugh, I can't stop thinking about this case and that poor little boy. Why you would ever want to kill anyone, much less your own child, is beyond my comprehension, but to do it in such a horrific manner makes me sick. I can't stop thinking of that sweet little boy and what he must have gone through.
I agree with others, there are too many things that don't add up here, leading me to think it probably wasn't an accident, but I hope for the sake of the family, it was. I don't know how one would ever come to grips with knowing that their husband intentionally murdered their baby in such a horrible manner; it would be hard enough if it was an accident, but if not.....ugh.
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This specific case doesn’t seem at all like an accident to me; and I cannot imagine being that mom right now. How can you reconcile your partner murdering your/their child in such a cruel and horrific way. It makes me feel sick just thinking about that poor little one, and how long he must have suffered for and how hard he must have struggled to get out of his car seat.
In cases where it is truly an accident, I don’t think parents should be charged (certainly not with murder, I don’t even think they should be charged with manslaughter). I don’t think my marriage would survive if my husband accidentally left LO in the car and she died, but I wouldn’t want him to go to jail; it wouldn’t serve any purpose and having to live with himself would be definitely be “punishment” enough.
In cases where it is not an accident….ugh, well – nothing is off limits in my mind when people are this cruel to children.
ETA: I do all the dropoffs/pickups because LO's daycare is on my work campus (just like this guy), and my husband and I have a system where I text him every day and tell him how LO's dropoff went. If I don't text him within an hour or so, he'll text me and ask.
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@NovBaby1112: exactly!! I completely agree about the google search!
I, too, have read the Washington Post article and it haunts me. I think about this and other cases that have come up, a lot. I can't even imagine the guilt! I honestly will want to see REALLY compelling evidence that this guy did it on purpose. Maybe it's that I can't believe a parent would do it (although I know, logically, many parents have killed their own kids), but I think the part about him being so inconsolable the police had to restrain him is what gets me. It's hard to act that kind of grief.
The only hard part to explain is that he went to his car during lunch and didn't notice the boy. I don't know that there would be a smell... It's not like the body would be decomposing yet. But how could he not have noticed the kid in the carseat at that point?!
This is just awful all around. Makes me sick to my stomach. I hate thinking about it, but I can't help but think about it. I really, really hope this was just a horrific accident, but either way, nothing changes the fact that precious little boy is gone.
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@NovBaby1112: It's not just the internet search. He had breakfast at a restaurant with his son .5 miles away from work - so strapped his kid into the seat 3 minutes before he should've dropped him off. He went back to the car mid-day and put something in the driver's side door, then went back to the office. He got in the car, drove over a mile, and THEN stopped to freak out and ask for help (wen people say the smell would've hit him long before that). All of that *plus* the Google search is what's giving people pause.
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@JoJoGirl: Oh I know- I just didn't think the google search was as compelling as people are making it out to be. Don't get me wrong- everything about this case does sound a bit fishy, but it's just hard for me to grasp how a parent could do this. So far for me, the most odd things are the breakfast stop and how under 3 minutes he forgot his son was with him, and then when he drove a mile after work to a crowded parking lot. BUT I can def argue against the whole lunch break thing. My LO's car seat is a monstrosity, and when RFing, depending on where the seat is located (center, behind drivers side, behind passengers side) I would have a hard time seeing her as well if I only went into the driver's side for a second.
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@NovBaby1112: the child also went to a day care onsite. So he is used to taking him to day care.
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And if the daycare is onsite why didn't he go to the daycare first and "discover" it then. Instead he headed straight home..?
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@MamaJ: Oooh. Fascinating question..
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@MamaJ: that's a GREAT question. Maybe it's just our daycare, but if E isn't there by 10 and we haven't made prior arrangements for her to be out or called them that morning; they call us and ask if she will be in that day. Not trying to assign any blame to them at all; just had not thought about our daycare's policy before now, but now that I think about it, it's a good safety backup to have.
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@yoursilverlining: i just this morning texted my daycare asking them to do the same - they said it is their standard policy. But I'm sure not everyone's.
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@MamaJ: great point!
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@yoursilverlining: maybe he is suffering from mental illness? I am kind of surprised no one mentioned it.
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