The board post this morning got me thinking about a larger gap between kids. I guess I would consider a large gap to be anything more than 4 years apart? What are the advantages to this?
I guess the big one for me would be financial spacing. Only having one in daycare, one in high school, one in college, etc at a time. But it certainly lengthens the parenting time!
papaya / 10473 posts
Definitely financial! If we have three we would have to get the first one into kindergarten first to avoid paying childcare for three kids.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
@T.H.O.U.: My older sister and I are 8 years apart and I've noticed that I've gotten along with her more than my other siblings. (My other siblings are 1-2 years apart from me and we fought all the time as kids.) My older sister was able to babysit us and drive us around. She became my 'second mother' when my mom went back to work. I could tell her about things I wasn't comfortable sharing with my mom and I still do.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@bluestriped bee: Wow. I have a sister that is about 9 years younger than me and I don't think we have a good relationship at all. I was really busy in high school (sports and work) and I moved 5 hours away to college when she was only 9 years old. We never really had a relationship until the past year or so.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Honestly, I don't think spacing matters much in terms of sibs being close or not close. I am the oldest with a gap of 6 and 8 between my brothers, we're not close at all. My dad's the youngest of 4, with a gap of 14, 16 and 17 years and they were all super close.
Do what makes sense for your body, everything else you have no control over.
pineapple / 12793 posts
My younger sister is 7.5 years younger than me and we never had much of a relationship because she was10 when I moved away for college. I ended up going to grad school at the same school and same time as she did undergrad and we totally bonded during that time. That said, I'd prefer to not have that big a gap.
persimmon / 1479 posts
My oldest is 10, then 4, and 4 months.
The good thing about the gap is the lack of competition. They are all at such different stages there really isn't much rivalry. They savings with daycare is nice too.
My older girls are really close and play together all the time. They adore their little sister too, my middle always comments that she wants to teach things to her baby sister like her older sister taught her. I am two years apart from my older sister and 5 from my younger and none of us are close. So I din't really think a gap matters one way or another.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
it's been pretty tough the past couple of months with charlie being 3 and olive 1 1/2. charlie is throwing a lot more tantrums, often for no apparent reason. he was pretty good up until he turned 3. olive has been throwing tantrums from a younger age, so i don't know what the 2's and 3's with her have in store!
i guess one benefit might be that kids often become a lot easier once they're 4. so a newborn and a 4 year old are probably a lot easier than a smaller gap. some days it's really tough lately!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@mrsmenow: I didn't think about rivalry/competition. I know that is a big issue for my two nephews that are close in age. Good point!
I agree that age spacing doesn't directly relate to bond. I'm just curious about benefits of having a larger spacing.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@Mrs. Bee: the tantrums we are getting now are crazy too and it makes me worried about having another right away this close!
coconut / 8854 posts
You know I might be the odd ball, I'm going to be 25, and my brother and sister just turned 17. We are 8 years apart, and I think right now we have an awesome relationship! We always got along pretty well, and have always been pretty close. We talk no less than 1-2 time per week.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
@T.H.O.U.: @looch: Interesting. Well, that blows my theory out of the water. Ha! I guess age gap difference doesn't correlate to sibling bonding.
@oliviaoblivia: When my sister graduated from high school and we were starting middle school, we did grow distant.
honeydew / 7917 posts
A large gap is good for financial reasons, but like you mentioned, it does extend your parenting years.
I have a 9+ year gap between my older sisters and my younger sister. I was never close to my older sisters, who are all now in their mid to late 30s while I'm in my mid 20s. Now we do share some interests in common (we're married, own a house, and have kids around the same age), but we're far from being close friends. I am a tad closer with my youngest sister who is turning 18. It's hard to draw the line of being a best friend, a sister, and a parent with her because you want to have all of the roles to make sure she makes the right decisions in life.
While I know having kids closer in age doesn't mean that they will get along, I do know that from my own experience that I don't want such a big gap.
grapefruit / 4731 posts
I'm kind of big on birth order personalities.
From what I read if you have kids more than 5 years apart it's like raising two "First" born personalities instead of raising a "First" and "Second/Last" born personalities. First borns tend to be easier to raise because they are usually pretty independent. 
I'm still reading/learning about this and I know this isn't always true for all families.
Another kicker is that if you have a male and female pretty closely born together the both might have "First" born personalities because they are technically the first born of their gender and are treated so.
bananas / 9899 posts
I have two sisters. One is 2 years younger than me, and the other is 7 years younger than me. Growing up I wasn't close to my littlest sister at all because we didn't relate in any way. It's only recently that I have started to relate to her.
pear / 1992 posts
My brother and I are 5 years apart and have a great relationship. Some of the benefits for us (not our parents) in being farther apart in age were that we never had to share a social circle or academic reputation. His friends were his friends, my friends were mine. There was no competition or hurt feelings being 'left out' when playing.
And in school, my brother and I were very different. He was smart but not really driven and I was an over-achiever. Of course it would be nice if all teachers viewed children as independants but I had a number of friends who ran into teachers with biases (both good and bad) based on their older siblings abilities/shortcomings.
However we're not best-friends call eachother on the phone weekly type of siblings. We have a lot in common and genuinely enjoy hanging out with each other. And he and my husband talk more frequently than we do (sometimes it's like I married my brother in a not-creepy way).
I always say that I would want my kids 5 yrs apart like my brother and myself because I really had a great time with that age gap. I doubt my DH will let us wait that long though - he and his sister are only 18 months apart and are really great friends. My guess is that we'll meet in the middle
coconut / 8305 posts
Ummmm with a 7 1/2 year gap here idk if financial reasons really is a "gain" b/c at G's age we're starting to spend more on things like sports, clothes cost ALOT more, he now eats almost as much as we do, etc.....
Tbh for the most part I really wish they could've been closer together. It's easy for G to be "put to the side" and not get the attention he still needs BECAUSE he's older & generally self sufficient where P obviously isn't. He's also missed having a playmate for all these years and as he gets older the maturity & life happenings gaps will only grow.... He really loves having siblings so I don't worry too much but I have had friends that even as adults weren't that close with their siblings because they grew up in such different stages of life.
For us our future children will have a much smaller gap!
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