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I don't think that putting him in the crib for 8 minutes while the teacher's attention was clearly elsewhere is segregation. I think that's a reasonable thing for a daycare to do when they know that there is an issue. Which it sounds like you are aware of. However, I don't think that his issue is "agression" either. It sounds completely developmentally normal that he would reach out to touch other children and may be more forceful, he's a baby. My daughter smacks my husband in the face multiple times a day, she's just trying to touch his face. She also comes home with scratches on her from other kids maybe once or twice a month... just normal babies trying to "play" with one another and I'm sure she's dealt her own blows.

Honestly, I think you have communication issues with your daycare, on both ends. Between this and other posts it seems that both you and your husband, and the daycare staff are misunderstanding each other and I think that you all would benefit from a sit down meeting to discuss perceptions and expectations. If after that meeting, you still don't feel comfortable, I would consider moving on.

There's a lot to respond to here. I'm going to try to respond bit by bit.

Honestly, I think if you feel the need to watch the cameras that often and that closely, such that you are essentially micromanaging your child's care, it's probably time to look into a different child care arrangement. Perhaps a nanny would be more appropriate for you. I honestly can not imagine watching the camera for 8 minutes straight, or calling the school because my child isn't in the line of sight of the camera. If I were the teacher, and was asked to move a child into the line of sight of the camera so that the parent can watch me, it would make me feel like the parent didn't trust me, and that's not good for building a good relationship. I also don't think my employers would support that amount of time spent checking up on my child care providers.

If your child is going through a phase where he needs to be shadowed, and a teacher was in a situation where she couldn't shadow him because she was changing diapers, I think putting him in his crib where he is safe is a perfectly acceptable solution. Unless he was screaming his head off or was in there for an exceptionally long time (not 8 minutes), I would have no issue with this. The word "segregated" is a pretty racially charged word. Do you believe your child is being treated differently because of his race? If so, again, I think it's time to look for a new child care arrangement.

I think when a child becomes more physically capable than those around him, it's can lead to some aggression. I think moving your son up seems like a natural progression. I love when my kids are the youngest in a class because they always pick up so many new skills watching the older kids. When my daughter was around this same age there was a boy in her class that was a true danger to the other kids (in our infant rooms they have small dressers for the kids extra clothes, etc and this kid could climb them which was a huge risk to him and the other babies!). However, his parents didn't want to accept that it was time for him to move up, and it was just a bad situation for all. So using the word aggressive may be unfair, but if you take your feelings out of the picture about the label, and just consider the facts, perhaps him moving up is the best decision. Though, I'll be honest with you, your child's teachers may also be anxious to move him up in part because they feel uncomfortable because you don't seem to trust them.

I think that @Truth Bombs: has touched on an important aspect of this situation. The amount of time you spend watching the cameras and the frequency of your calls to the daycare definitely give the impression that you do not trust the care your son is receiving.

I second everything @Truth Bombs: said

I agree with @Truth Bombs: that there's a larger issue of trust here and I am very glad my day care doesn't have cameras. Checking in from time to time is one thing, but I can't imagine how hard it is for the teachers to do their jobs knowing there are parents watching them every second.

That being said, I wanted to add that my daughter was the "aggressive one" in her class around 13-14 months and was hitting, pushing, biting, stepping on the other kids, etc. Out of concern for the other children, our day care asked if they could try moving her up to the next class (18-24 months). I never took it as them saying there was anything wrong with her. She was simply physically advanced in a class of kids that were on the later end of physical development and was taking out her frustrations the only way she knew how at that age. Honestly, it was a wonderful move for her. She was so much happier once they put her with the older kids and she has stayed with them since (now 22 months and been in the 2-2.5 class since 20 months).

All babies go through a stage where they are grabbing, pulling, smacking, etc. It's not aggression, babies are just curious and learning and they don't understand that their actions can be painful. As they get older you can gradually teach them to use "gentle hands" or keep their hands to themselves.

As for segregating your son, I wouldn't be thrilled if I was you. Here in MA you're not supposed to leave babies in cribs for any length of time unless they're sleeping or trying to sleep. The only exception is if the other babies are much younger than him. If it's a 3 month old propped in a bouncer and your son is close to a year and scratching/poking them, I think that is justifiable as a very temporary solution.

I think you should sit down with the director and the teachers. Talk about what's age appropriate, talk about the steps they're taking to meet your son's needs, and talk about what happens if he moves to the other classroom and they're still not happy with his physicality.

I'll also say that daycare is tough. I constantly have to try and reset my expectations of what is realistic from a daycare center. I ended up having to leave a center because I was so mad at them all the time. At my new center they do some of the same things, but I'm able to give them more benefit of the doubt.

This is tough. I don't think any of the issues in themselves are too harsh, but the combination of them together combined with your overall feelings of 'something not right' would be enough for me to start looking for a different daycare option. Do you feel like they are going to target/label your child? If so, keep looking to find a spot you feel good about him attending. If you feel truly feel they respect and have your child's best interest at heart, then you may need to trust their judgment on some of these issues. I don't think there is a wrong answer here. Good luck!

I don't love the use of the word "aggressive" but I don't really see any red flags in terms of how they are dealing with things. I wouldn't be shocked to find out that the parent of another child in the class has been on them to look out for your son. Parents can be that way sometimes even though the "aggressive" behaviors are normal.

I don't love that they used that word with you, but I can see why maybe it was the first word to come to mind and I would maybe feel them out as far as what they meant. It's entirely possible and when you hear it you think more along th elines of bullying, intentional behavior, when they just mean overpowering other babies.. Like I said, I don't love it and I think they should have used another word, but depending how they are approaching the situation, I'd forgive it. (and if the teacher who wrote the report is wanting him in her class, that seems like a good sign that she doesn't want to isolate him? not sure..)

That said, we don't have cameras at preschool and if we did I still don't think I would check them. It would make me anxious and I trust the teachers. If you are checking them frequently, I would maybe want to reevaluate that habit to see if it's just a habit or if you really trust them at all. It may be that there is nothing wrong with the center, but if you really have a bad feeling, maybe it is worth exploring other options, or at least looking into something different for 2 year old preschool when you get there.

It sounds to me like your son is probably physically ready for the next room. Initially, I was nervous when DS was moved from the little baby room to the mobile baby room, because some of the other kids looked so BIG and were wearing SHOES and surely the would mow right over my crawler. It was a great move for DS, and it wasn't long before he was running around in his own shoes with the bigger kids. I don't liek the "aggressive" label that your DCP has applied here, and I think you might like to discuss that with your director.

Why not try a week in the new classroom and see how it goes?

As an educator I thoroughly love @gingerbebe:'s response and I sense that is where your heart is, as well. Is there much racial diversity at your daycare?

Babies touch each other and don't understand what is gentle vs. forceful touch. I am really surprised your daycare had you sign an incident report for slapping and scratching bc I have a hard time believing the "injuries" were significant.

I agree with others that maybe a trial run in the next class *could* work. However, do you think the daycare teachers are trying to prematurely suggest a move up to the next classroom maybe because you and they are not on good terms? How are their face-to-face interactions with you- warm, brisk, cool, purely professional, friendly?

@gingerbebe: excellent response!

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I can see that, definitely. When I worked ft I occasionally got pictures and that was the highlight of my day. But as an anxious person I still am glad cameras are not an option. It's hard to tell whether it's the norm or you happened to catch them at a bad moment or if you should be concerned about catching them at that moment then what else is happening. To some extent I just needed to let go. But my dd who is in child care is now *four* and was not in center care until just before three, and only half days, so I am coming from a different place too.

Edit to add, and in the interest of revealing my own maybe bias my kids are pet Asian and my dd is on the quiet side so if anything we get the opposite labels.

Hope you figure it out soon and have no further issues with the center. Maybe a new room could be a good fit.

@gingerbebe: I literally wanted to applaud as I read your response. I totally agree with everything you said.

Labeling children is really problematic and can do real damage. Especially at such a young age. You have every right to be upset about this.

My son has always been huge and very physical, people always think he is a very badly behaved much older child and not a baby. He also was a biter for a while. It sucks.

These experiences have really shaped the way I talk about kids it's hard to change.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think you are doing all the right things, fwiw. I don't think it's abnormal that you check in on the cameras or that you object to your 1 year old being called "aggressive". Unfortunately, that is extremely common in our society. I've seen a ton of threads right here on HB where people post/vent to complain about another child hitting/bitting/scratching their child and the want the offender toddler removed from the class or disciplined in some way. I just had an acquaintance post on FB about a child hitting her son at daycare, and there were about 12 horrific comments along the lines of, "I would have drop kicked that kid halfway across the room!", and they were talking about 18 months old. =( And they were all white, if that matters.

The reality is, most adults (even parents! Even some daycare workers!) don't really have any idea about what'd developmentally appropriate for children. And we are a very intolerant society in general.

If I were you, I would just address the "aggressive" comment with the teacher or director and ask them to use other words in future, since all of your sons behaviors are developmentally normal, and since you are working on those behaviors at home and he will get there, in time (not for years yet, by the way).

The 8 minutes in a crib doesn't bother me, because every mother I know with more than 1 child has to sometimes use pack n plays, cribs, play yards, whatever to keep kids separated when the parent is busy. So 8 minutes is nothing to me. I would have a problem with anything over 15 min probably.

Also, having said all that....I refer to my youngest as aggressive all the time! She just is, compared to my oldest. Nothing that isn't appropriate for her age, but my oldest was never a biter/scratcher/hitter and my youngest does all of those, and somewhat frequently. But my younger daughter has also reached all her physical milestones early, so part of it is just that she's more physical and her body can do more and she's exploring how to use her body. Many times inappropriately, haha, but she constantly tries to hit or steal toys or pull the hair of her older sister if she doesn't get her way immediately.

If I were caring for my youngest and 3 other kiddos, I would definitely have to utilize SOMETHING (play yard or fence or crib) to separate them while changing diapers if I were going to keep the other parents happy.

I was told my son was aggressive when he was 18 months old in his daycare class. Until they get more language skills there isn't much to do other than keep modeling how to be gentle and removing them from the situation when it does occur. It was stressful to hear that my kid was aggressive though. I understand your distress with being labelled but I also think that day care workers don't always have training in how to speak with parents. They may mean, he is acting aggressively and not thinking of him as an aggressive or "bad" child. I think y'all need to talk, for sure. So you are all on the same page.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm so happy to hear that the director understood and addressed your concerns, both with the actual situation that happened and with the overarching messaging and concern you had about your son being labelled. Fingers crossed that the new room is more stimulating for him and he's able to thrive there!

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: good for you, glad to hear the update!