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My mom is truly one of my best friends...she and I talk everyday and email multiple times a day. She is the very first person I call with any news. I am one of 4 girls and I can honestly say i think each of my sisters would say the same thing as well.

one way my mom cultivated it is that she is an incredible listener. She gives good feedback and is truly engaged in what I am talking about. She is also incredibly supportive. Finally, my parents (for better or worse) made us their world. Dinners together were a nightly thing. They rarely go out with friends, instead choosing to hang out and do activities with us. My sisters and I are in our thirties and forties now, and we still go on yearly family vacations. I think it was a lot of work on their part, but I value my family so much because of the time they put into it.

Eta - also, hugs to you. The relationship you describe with your mom is how I was with my birth dad for many years and I would feel pangs of jealousy when I saw people have that close dad-daughter relationship. In recent years he and I have gotten closer, so I think it can be done as an adult too, but so much harder, especially when you have to let stuff go from the past.

I am close with my mum. However it wasn't always that way. In my troubled years we grew apart and damaged our relationship a bit. As I got older and had kids our relationship has bloomed. She was always home with us when I was growing up. Our worlds center around family. She is also the first to drop everything and help us in anyway she can. She has always been supportive of me (even in the troubled time). We talk at least once a day or more. She is also who call when I drive long distances.

After the trouble time pasted it took time to mend our relationship but I am glad we both made the effort.

@Cherrybee: this is really awful, but I am extremely critical of her. For the longest time she didn't have faults in my eyes and as an adult I saw them all. In a way I am acting out on the disbelief that the woman who raised me is not the same woman I see now.

I am dismissive at times of her opinions on current events because she doesn't always have all the facts or both sides of a story. I take over cooking duties at her house because I don't think she cooks in a healthy way (ex. She uses oil to cook meat that has already has fat in it) or sanitary way (she tastes something and doesn't use a new spoon to stir). I cut her off when she repeats a story or starts to talk about something or someone I am not interested in. I flat out tell her what I want/ don't want when it comes to the baby and I don't make up excuses for DH's absence at family events. I let her know I am upset about something she did (ex. she lied about quitting smoking).

I think as a teenager my relationship with her is like most teens; love her but hate her, lol. Ok I never really hated her! But she is the strict one and has a fiery personality so we definitely clashed a lot through my growing pains haha.

I def appreciated her more and grew closer to her after I went off to college.

But I would say I had never felt this close to her until I had DD! After going through childbirth, and having her support from day 1, I truly appreciate her through the roof and am SO much closer to her.

So I would say I've always been close with my mom but life events naturally pushes us even closer.

My mom and I are super close. It was my relationship with her after my father passed away that made me really want to have children. I'm fairly certain I will outlive DH, and I want someone I can have a similar relationship with.

I think with us it's sort of just luck. Out of her three kids, I'm the one most like her. We're soft spoken in the same ways (unlike my sister who flies off the handle), but also strong in the same ways.

Growing up, it's not like we had any sort of friendship...she was the mom and I was the daughter. I give her a lot of grief for how often she'd tell me to "suck it up" if I complained about something (somethings which have turned out to be actual health problems!).

But I think after my brother and sister grew up and went to college, I was privileged to have a different sort of relationship with my parents as an "only child."

I got to travel with them alone to family weddings and other trips, and I think that brought us closer.

Then when my dad was sick, I was the only one without multiple children, so it was easier for me to spend a lot of time at home with them.

Really though, I think my mom and I just "get" each other because we're similar in our dispositions.

We don't talk nearly as much as DH and his family (maybe once every week or two), but we're much closer than he is with his family. We see each other about once a month.

I am envious of those who have relationships with their moms. My parents live 2 minutes away, and we don't talk or see each other. She has never been a motherly type of person, and all she does is complain and yell at me. She is a negative person in my life and usually tells me how much of a failure I am when I do see her. I have made no effort to have a mother daughter connection. It's impossible with my mom.

I'm trying to work on it. My mom is very generous and will drop everything to help one of her kids. But we're pretty different from one another so it's hard to communicate. I think she's always found me to be weird and sometimes I think tries to make or just wants me to be 'normal'. But I also get easily exasperated with some of her oddities so there ends up just being tension or being guarded a lot of times.

@MaryM: Your example is exactly how my mom would have answered too! Now that I'm an adult, she respects that. I'm sure I've made decisions and will make decisions she doesn't think are maybe the best - but I am an adult and she respects that.

That level of respect is something I definitely would have taken for granted if I didn't hear from others about their relationships with their moms. And although I love my MIL, she is often still "parenting" DH (and tries to parent LO, grrr) instead of respecting him as an adult - and I can see the difference between our moms, even though we both have close relationships with each.

@Cherrybee: my mom has two friends that always cause her a headache. She knows this yet always puts herself in a situation to see if this time will be different. It's exhausting to hear the "new" thing. Can you believe so and so did this?! Yep, sure can. Lol

I think as with any relationship, it ebbs and flows. I wasn't particularly close with either parent growing up, especially as a teen. If there was a problem with a friend, for example, I dealt with it by keeping it inside and making the outward appearance positive.

I think my mom and I got closer when I moved away and when I became a mother myself.

We are very close. I do consider her one of my best friends, but is a different friendship than those I have with my peers. We text every day, and talk or FaceTime most days. My parents separated when I was young and I didn't have a relationship with my father during my teen years - I think that really contributed to how close my mom and I were.

There was always a clear and known divide that she was the parent and I was the child but since I was always respectful of that we were also able to have a lot of fun together! She would always listen to whatever teen drama I wanted to talk about and never judged, just listened and talked things through with me. Also, she welcomed my friends to our home which made me want to spend more time there. Many of my close friends refer to her as a second mom and still go visit her regularly.

She also always lived her own life - made plans with her friends and maintained her hobbies. It made me see her as a person not just a mom, and I liked the person she was (and is)!

No. I love my mom, but it's better that we live in different continents We talk on Skype every few days (it used to be every day when I SAH and DD was a baby) because I really wanted DD to know her grandma. There were a few times when our relationship was strained (even through Skype) and I had to set very clear boundaries regarding the amount of time I called - that it was a privilege for her to see DD and not an obligation. My mom is pretty outspoken and outright stubborn, but we've worked it out.

My mom isn't very motherly. It used to get to me; whenever I see a really close mother-daughter bond. But through the years, I've learned to accept the mom I got

I wouldn't say we're close. Honestly, I'm probably closer to my grandma.

My mom is so thoughtful and considerate but also really sensitive. Her sensitivity causes her to take a lot of things the wrong way.

She also tends to take a lot of decisions that I make as personal criticisms against her (e.g.. She literally lost her shit when I didn't want a baby shower. I explained that I was so superstitious and worried until baby came. She instead took it as me just "trying to be difficult").

I have a DD now and want her to feel that even if her decisions and choices are different from my own thats ok. I definitely didn't feel that way growing up (or even today frankly).

Before my mom passed away, we were very close. I think it was easy for me to become close to her because she was a kind, gentle person and far more even tempered than my dad, who had a temper when I was a kid. Mom was a refuge when my dad was "in a mood." She was quirky and silly and could usually put me in a good mood. We had some friction when I was a teen, but for most of my life, we got along well. We always liked to go shopping together, we liked to trade books and music, and when I moved to another city for a few years, we kept up by having long phone conversations.

My mom had a pretty crappy relationship with her own mom, so I think she tried extra hard to be a good mom to me and my brother. It definitely worked.

Hmmmm, I think I have a lovely mum, now that I am a mum myself I realize what she sacrificed for us. She was very loving and a great parent.

But, I wouldn't say we are close. My parents split up when I was 18, the same time I was in an abusive relationship. I lost so much respect for my parents during that time, both how they treated each other and how they treated me. I distanced myself from both of them to pull myself out of the mess I was in and sort myself out.

Anyway, while I love my mum very much, I feel like our relationship has never really recovered from that, which was a long time ago. I moved abroad and we weren't in touch often, she wouldn't really contact me if I didn't contact her. Now I'm back and it is lovely to see her more, but it isn't even monthly. She blows a bit hot and cold with my kids too. Sometimes she makes a lot of effort and is a fantastic grandma, truly. Other times she makes comments about not wanting to play with DD (who adores her) and holds my sister's baby but puts mine straight on the floor if I ask her to watch him for two mins.

I have a great mum, but I hope to have s better relationship with my kids when they are older.

@Cherrybee: I am looking forward to going back and reading the responses but just reading your initial post I was starting to tear up. My mom and I will likely never have anything more than a polite relationship and that's taken a lot of work. I so desperately want to remain close with my daughter and I am terrified I'm going to mess it up. I appreciate you asking and I hope we both find a magic formula.

Growing up we weren't very close because she was a very busy working mom aND neither of us put a concerted effort on our mother-daughter relationship. My family did family time as the 4 of us, and that helped lay a groundwork, but there wasn't a lot of focus on the various relationships within the family unit. Then, in my teenage years, she and I had different opinions and we fought over stupid teenage stuff. However, even then, she would drive me to all my concerts and wait for me to get out late at night, she would drive my friends and I to snowboarding mountains 4+ hours away, etc.

Now my mom and I are very close. I think this is due to me moving away for college and realizing how much I still needed her and loved her. In college and early marriage I called her almost evey day. Through growing up I understand her so much more and we are able to share about our feelings with each other. I see so much of myself in her, the good and the bad. We also have had some shared life experiences, such as infertility, loving pregnancy, difficult induced labor, working mom, etc.

I don't think our close relationship is due to particular intentional moves on her part, but it's moreso just growing up and understanding each other. Sooooo..... even if you don't click during the elementary or teenage years, there's always hope.

@Mrs Panda: hugs I'm in the same boat as you. It's so so hard!