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The first thing I say to my girls every morning is "Hi beautiful!", no plans on stopping.

Being beautiful and being a badass are not mutually exclusive!

"All things in moderation" - Agreed!

I like this too! I also hate the assumption that if you let your daughter have princess stuff and girly things that you're pushing it on her or doing something wrong. I was the ultimate girly girl but still did well in school, played sports and had goals other than princess-hood lol.

@sorrycharlie: My mom was a total tomboy, not at all into Barbies or baby dolls or princess stuff - and then I came along, and I could not get enough of all things girly and pink. She said after having me she totally believes kids are 90% nature, 10% nurture.

I loved this article. If I ever have a girl, I want to put that quote in her nursery "Though she be but little, she is fierce." Like @MsLipGloss: said, you can be beautiful and a badass!

I think the issue tends to be not with parents and how they compliment their children, but other people. If your child is constantly being greeted by people who only comment on his/her looks, he/she may come to think of looks at being more important than other things, since that's what almost everyone is commenting on!

I definitely think girls can be both smart AND beautiful, but I do think it's important that they receive feedback on more than just their looks. This is more towards strangers and friends/family than parents though. I think most parents are pretty good about being equal in their compliments. It's just others who don't see the kids as often that find complimenting looks to be one of the easiest things to do!

@Adira: I totally agree! The issue is that nine times out of ten people (sometimes including parents) tell girls they're pretty and boys they're good at soccer or big or smart or something substantive.

@MsLipGloss: I agree!

I actually really strongly disagree and make it a point not to comment on my daughter's looks, bc I don't ever want her to think it's in any way tied to her value or worth as a person. I could go on for several paragraphs about the ways in which femininity is linked to appearance and the multitude of ways in which it hinders women but that's probably a little too heavy for this thread
Also, I don't care about princesses, don't think they are the same issue!

I agree. I've thought a lot about how I'll talk to my daughter about her looks even now when she's only a few months old. I tell her a thousand times a day how adorable she is, but I already make an effort to tell her the other things she is too-- happy and smart and strong and funny. I think calling her beautiful is just fine as long as it is just one of the many things she is.

@Trailmix: I respect your opinion, but I'm curious - if you have or had a son, would you ever tell him he looked handsome? I tell my son he is beautiful/handsome/the cutest all the time, and I don't worry about him thinking that defines him or is what makes him valuable as a person. I think I'd feel the same with a daughter.

Love it! All in moderation, definitely! I can see how it can go to some kids' heads if their appearance is always the focus, but I don't think it is harmful to tell your daughter she is beautiful if you also praise her hard work and good deeds as well. And I LOOOOVED Barbies and princesses but also Xmen action figures and videogames lol and I think I was pretty well-rounded. I think people sometimes think too much into some of the toys/media when it is just innocent fun for kids.

Beautiful is not a bad word but it is if it is the only word they hear. Yes they can love princesses and be smart but they need to hear that too

@Cherrybee: Very true, I totally agree! Beauty is much more than looks.

@Adira: @shopaholic: I feel the same way, that this only - beautiful comments is not a parent issue.

Parents are exposed to the full being of a child and can give praise on lots of things the child is and does. Strangers tend to comment on a girl's appearance and affinity toward materialism with remarks like diva, princess, and spoiled without even knowing much about the child. Where as boys immediately receive comments or inquiries about their skills in sports and cleverness. When I say strangers, I am including well-meaning friends and family.

@Trailmix: I hear you. In fact if given a choice between thought of pretty/ smart/ or funny, I would choose smart every time. Where I disagree is that girls, really all children, that do not meet the mainstream's definition of beauty need to here their appearance is beautiful or handsome. Sometimes what is left unsaid can be just as damaging as what is said.

@Trailmix: I liked that article a lot too.

I guess the beautiful/handsome comments just come naturally to me, like when he finally kept sunglasses on yesterday and I was over the top: "J, you look so handsome, what a cool dude" etc etc. I say stuff like that in addition to compliments about other things, like smarts and humor and all that jazz. And, like PP, I don't mind when strangers only comment on his looks. That's all they know about him, poor them

But I'm sure your background definitely makes you more aware of the issues surrounding these comments, and that's a good thing. If I have a daughter someday, I might feel differently.

@sorrycharlie: this. My parents, especially my dad, told me I was beautiful, inside and out. I think it was helpful to my self-esteem (though I still struggle with body image, though maybe everyone does to some degree).

I agree with this and think it's important to compliment kids on their looks AND their intelligence. I think it's a nice idea to say, "I'm only ever going to talk about how smart my daughter is so she values that above all else," but the reality is physical appearance will always play a part in a persin's confidence, man or woman. I love when my husband tells me I look pretty but it doesn't make me feel like he values my brain any less.

@Maysprout: your last sentence is something I've thought about before. I actually saw a Bernie Mac stand up in which he talked about telling his young daughter she's beautiful. He said something like, "that way when she gets older she won't go for the first dumbass who tells her she looks pretty. She'll just say, 'yeah, and? My daddy tells me that every day!'" Kind of silly but I think it speaks to a deeper issue of building all kinds of confidence

@MrsSCB: Exactly. I think it's great to focus on strength and smarts and know those are more important but that's not what everyone is going to focus on. Comments are going to happen about beauty (or lack of) and as a parent I'd rather set the stage for at least some support and confidence.