Hellobee Boards

@HappyBluebird: Doing ok, thank you! I've been following here and there, but visiting the boards have become a bit painful as of late, so I was avoiding them.

@MaryM: Yes to them being so draining. I'm hoping you're over the anxiousness soon.

An update for me...I've been feeling horribly down lately. I don't know if it's the exhaustion of the holidays or just the constant running around to doctor appointments. Saw a hematologist who consulted with my RE. They both agreed that baby aspirin and extra folic acid is sufficient to combat my clotting issues for now. RE had an ultrasound of my lining just prior to ovulation on my own this time around and it looked good. She saw a large follicle on my left ovary, which is a plus.

Her next steps were to put me on clomid for my next cycle, but I asked to hold off on that. I want to see if we can get pregnant naturally first prior to starting fertility medications. She was agreeable to that for 2 cycles. I have to call her on the first day of my next period and come in for frequent visits to do blood work and ultrasounds so that she can tell us exactly when to BD. So, it looks like we can start trying next cycle.

While I feel great about the progress, I'm horribly anxious and nervous about it. Going through 4 miscarriages has taken a huge emotional toll on me and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to go through this again. If I am able to get pregnant and miscarry again, I might have a talk with DH about being one and done. I'm already conflicted about this, but I can only take so much loss, and 5 might be my number. We'll see how things go in the next few months.

Sending lots of love you ladies who are still here and working through everything. To those who have graduated, congratulations

@MaryM: Oh my gosh...I can't even imagine!! That poor woman!

I follow a FB group for the Gardner quadruplets. 8 years of going through infertility...I just can't fathom it, but no matter how down I feel about myself, there's always someone out there who has it far worse!

@2PeasinaPod: I'm glad you have a plan - and I'm hopeful that things will work out for you. 2015 HAS to be better for us, it has to! xx

Just venting.... cycle day 37 here for me if we count the 1st day of the medicated MC as day 1. No sign of AF. I was sure I ovulated 2 or 3 weeks ago (conflicting signs), but negative HPT today and last week. We were using protection so really there's almost no chance anyway, but I had a twinge of hope. I really thought I would get AF sometime this week, or Friday or Saturday.

I was also hoping we could try over Christmas break, but every day that AF is delayed, it delays the FW, so.... I'm disappointed. I was / am really hoping I can get pregnant before late March because that's when my employer will ask me to renew my contract, and being pregnant would simplify that decision. The longer AF waits now, the less cycles and chances I'll have.

I feel like I've never been in a situation where I have less control, honestly. I'm typically a type A, work hard, make things happen, plan and achieve my goals kind of gal, and this whole TTC journey is contrary to that. Wait for AF to start, wait to ovulate, wait to test, wait to see if the pregnancy is viable.... Can't do anything but chart and try to time BD, but DH gets performance anxiety and even doing it EOD is difficult.

Sorry about the downer nature of this post. I just need people who understand.

My current chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3edb3c/

As for me.... CD21 and low fertility, so I'm off to see my clinic who are squeezing me in for a quick ultrasound to see if I have a follicle worth triggering - or else we provera, to end this shit year with a bang. We'll see what it shows, I guess.

@DesertDreams88: One shitty follicle, so we triggered. I just want this over, so we'll see what happens.

If I don't get a period, yes, provera will bring one on. With no meds/ovulation, my cycles can go for as long as >60-80 days. I wish I was kidding. So yeah, we just want this one over, to start for another monitored FET cycle. x

@DesertDreams88: I'm sorry waiting is so hard! I don't consider myself type A but I like to have control over some things and it's hard with TTC so I understand the frustrations. DH and I were getting to a point of having to replan our BDing right before we got our BFP because he gets performance anxiety a little too. Once we get back to it in February, I think we've decided I will give him the general window and leave it at that.

@jaguar: Oh no! Thank goodness they flagged it! And wow $4500! That's alot! I'm also very happy this year is coming to a close, next year has to be better! Still have my fingers crossed extra tight for you in your next FET cycle

@HappyBluebird: @DesertDreams88: I know, so glad they caught it... but gutted about the whole thing.

@HappyBluebird: Great news!

@MaryM: @FliegepilzHut: @simplyfelicity: @jaguar: thanks

@jaguar: hoping the new year brings great things for both of us

So I'm in a TWW... a trigger induced one, lol. 3dpo today. I don't even think I'll POAS... I really just want this cycle as a means to an end anyway, you know? BRING ON 2015!!!

Still no AF, day 41, high temps characteristic of post-O, crazy cramping for 4 days but not even one spot. BFN this morning. So over it.

Grandma entered hospice today, signed a DNR, got her Last Rites administered. Everyone's flying down to FL to see her one last time, except for me, because I live so far away and only have enough money for the funeral and I have my in-laws coming for Christmas.

Since August, my 2 best friend coworkers left, my school was put on an improvement plan (AKA stress plan), my classroom flooded, I taught in a partitioned library with another class for 6 weeks, I miscarried for 3 weeks, I'm facing $2593 of bills for the MC, and now this.

So, yes, totally done and washing my hands of 2014. I'm trusting praying and believing that 2015 will be very awesome in comparison.

@DesertDreams88: I'm so sorry for all of this I'm praying and hoping that 2015 is tremendously better for you and the other ladies hanging out on this board, waiting for next steps!

@FannyMae: I'm so sorry. I remember you from when I was in the July boards, before I lost our second m/c this year. I hope you're recovering okay. *hugs*

@jaguar: @ValentineMommy: thankyou both xo its a bit of a surreal feeling isn't it? actually, the whole 9 weeks of pregnancy felt surreal. it was a little surprise bonus baby that we conceived out of nowhere apparently Somewhere in my mind I suppose I didn't think the pregnancy was going to progress from early on. Not sure why, I held back a bit in allowing myself to think forward and plan things etc. The 8 week scan pushed that feeling forward that the baby wasn't developing as it should. I think i'm just going to spend the holiday season recovering physically and emotionally.

@HappyBluebird: thank you, the other night when the OB rang me with the bad news I felt like I kind of took it ok, but then had a massive ugly cry once my daughter had gone to bed. snotty nose and all.

I did manage a laugh at my silly kid today... the hospital gave out a little kit for grieving parents from Pregnancy Loss Australia. Its got a beautiful teddy bear, a little packet of seeds to grow some forget-me-not flowers, and a certificate that you can fill out with the details of your baby. She decided that the teddy bear was "ohhh so lovely", and that the certifiate was her new "treasure map", so she's been having fun with that!

@FannyMae: I've definitely had a few ugly cries. That's so nice that they would give something like that out and adorable that your daughter took to them

@FannyMae: That's so lovely. I wish our hospital had done something like that. Are you in Australia? Where abouts?

@FannyMae: Oh, that's beautiful. My d&c was through a smaller private hospital, but I guess they don't do that here. Ah well.

Just keep on painkillers if it starts creeping up on you again. xx