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Some of my close friends who have an 8, 7, and 4 year old have a family rule that they can invite the same number of kids as their age. Is that something you would be interested in doing? She is turning 5, so she can invite 5 friends to the party? I will note that they also do a family party with family friends where the parents decided who to invite.

I think it’s fine for her to only invite a few, but make sure you talk to her about not talking about it at school so as not to make the other kids feel bad.

I only invite who my daughter wants there. I wouldn’t want there to be kids around her on her special day who made her feel uncomfortable or who she wasn’t close with. I did have to make a few suggestions this year because we were doing a party package which included 7 other kids and she had only mentioned 4 or 5, but when I started making the other suggestions she was very “Oh, yeah! Let’s invite her!” It is also really expensive to have bday parties and I’m sure the other parents would understand, especially if you’re inviting like 6 out of 12 girls (and not 10 or 11 out of 12, leaving one or two out), agreeing with marym. I definitely agree that all kids are going to be excluded at some point. I started having sleepover bday parties every year in first or second grade which was probably 6 girls, in a classroom of probably 10-12 girls.

I say let her invite who she wants. I really don't like the rule that everyone has to be invited if one is... my friends daughters daycare has that rule.

My dd invited 6 of her friends from school, both boys and girls.

@BlueWolverine: The only caveat I would add is not to hand out the invitation at school. Mail them directly to the children's home. We've never invited the whole class to my kid's parties, but we always mail the invitation so as not to make anyone feel left out.

I just don't get the whole need to invite the whole class thing. If I were hosting my own birthday party, I wouldn't feel obligated to invite all 25 of my coworkers, so why does anyone feel this need for kids? We do the limit by age thing and tell them to choose 5 kids to invite. It's my house and I'm not at all comfortable to have a large group of kids + parents.

@Eminthevalley: Personally, I don’t necessarily feel like I NEED to, and last year we didn’t. But this year we booked at a play place that doesn’t charge by the kid so figured the only downside to inviting the whole class is paying for extra treat bags. I absolutely understand if somebody doesn’t, although to be honest I would still probably feel a little bit of sadness if my son wasn’t invited, just out of worry that he’d hear about it and feel left out. But as a parent it’s my job to manage that.

@Eminthevalley: people feel the need to do this because kids discuss parties at school, and kids who weren't invited can feel left out, particularly, if it is a small number that weren't invited.

Generally, I think it's appropriate to invite the whole class, or all the boys/girls. If you are just inviting a few, I would do three or less from the class--any more and I think it starts to become exclusionary.

@Eminthevalley: That sounds like a really large preschool class! My 5 year old has 12-14 kids, I don't know exactly how many but less than half of yours.

I definitely saw it spends on how many kids are invited vs. not and the type of party. 5 out of 15 for an at home party is no big deal but 10 out of 15 for a bounce house type party would be kind of mean. Or if you invite all the boys or girls except 1 or 2 is kind of mean too.

picking and choosing friends to invite is fine. a lot of kids did girl/boy only parties in kindergarten last year.. and this year too!