I wasn't sure which board to put this under, so I am just putting it in general "pregnancy."

Here's the deal. I have pretty severe anxiety with phobias and panic attacks. It's been managed with medication on and off for 10 years. I was first prescribed Paxil when I was a freshman in college and it made a world of difference for me. I weaned off of it after graduating college, and was fine without medication for two years, but the anxiety started getting pervasive again, with frequent panic attacks, so I went back on it. Again, it helped a ton, it was like night and day. However, last spring I decided, along with SO, that it would be a good idea to wean off of it again, since Paxil is contraindicated during pregnancy. We figured it would give me enough time to adjust to being medication free and come up with natural ways to manage the anxiety before we started TTC.

Worst. Idea. Ever. I weaned off of it slowly and the withdrawal wasn't horrible, so at first I thought it was totally doable. But the anxiety got SO bad that it was affecting my ability to function. I couldn't eat, was missing work (luckily I have an amazing, understanding boss), and basically doing only as much as it took to survive. It was affecting my relationship as well.

I was off of it for 6 months before I called my doctor and asked to be put back on Paxil. He did offer some other medications that may be safer for pregnancy, but I was so desperate that I just wanted what I knew would work.

So here I am now, 7 months later, knowing that in less than a year we'll be TTC. Part of me feels like the dream of being completely med free during pregnancy is out the window, but the other part of me doesn't want to take any medication at all, even if it's low risk for the baby. A risk is a risk, no matter how low. Then again, if I'm unhealthy (not eating, constantly under stress having panic attacks) the baby would be at risk, too.

I feel terrible that I can't seem to manage this without medication (and trust me, I've tried - I've seen about 8 different therapists/psychologists/counselors and tried various types of therapy) but I really don't want to forgo having biological children because of it. So, I think after I discuss this with my doctor, he'll recommend a "safer" SSRI. Then I'll need to deal with tapering off of the Paxil and adjusting to something new.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Are there any stories of people on SSRIs throughout pregnancy giving birth to a perfectly healthy baby?

I really want to do whatever is best for myself and my potential baby, but I'm torn!