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No experience because I only have one child but I don’t think you should force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. A happy/sane mom is much more important for your baby

I'm not planning on having a third, but I was having these exact thoughts literally yesterday!! I had trouble bf both of my boys, and I know I'd feel torn like you if I happened to get pregnant a third time. No advice or experience, just know that what you feed your baby doesn't really matter! A happy mom is so vital!!!

@HappyBaker: I absolutely echo others. I only have one child, but I wasted not one minute of my time worrying about the fact that I used formula (and exclusively after 12 weeks)!

If you do go this route, would you please post on how it went? I breastfed my first but am already considering formula feeding the second. My biggest fear is that "the grass is always greener on the other side". That formula feeding will have challenges just like breastfeeding does, and it won't actually be easier.

I attempted to breastfeed my 1st two. I only lasted 3 weeks with the 1st and 2 weeks with the 2nd. I really did not enjoy breastfeeding AT ALL. My 3rd had formula from day one and never touched my breast. It was wonderful!!!!!! No pressure and I happily enjoyed my last baby. I told the hospital and no one said a thing about it. And all 3 kids have been pretty healthy.

Congrats! I would say you could try breastfeeding again, you never know. Some babies come out and they are just awesome at nursing, but if you find it just isn't working and it's taking a toll on your mental health then I'd definitely switch to formula.

I breastfed my first, but my second was only able to breastfeed for four months before switching to formula (couldn't identify all of her protein intolerances and she went on a nursing strike for over a month). With our third baby I decided I would give breastfeeding a try but if it got tough again I was going to be done. With my second daughter I think it really affected my mental health and I was not willing to do that again this time. Well, our third ended up being our toughest yet. She would not breastfeed at all, despite seeing lactation and trying everything, so I EP'd for seven weeks before switching to formula. I'm still a little sad about it, but it was absolutely the best decision. Now having three children I can't afford to be so stressed out and struggling to feed the baby.

I can empathize with the guilt because you might be convincing yourself that you aren't giving #3 the same "fighting chance" to start with. But I think it's 120% okay to formula feed. The nature of the beast is your third will have less time and energy from you than your first two newborns did. He or she will benefit so much more if that time is maximized with joyful bonding. Why spend precious time crying and cleaning pump parts when you could be reading books, singing songs and enjoying each other's company? A happy mama is the best shot for well being for baby!

This is my exact conundrum. I struggled BF my first and really only did it a few times and then EPd for a month. And when I say I struggled, it was moreso mentally - I also had PPD and BF/pumping was horrible. I cried any time I had to do it. I had an amazing supply (I got 10-12 oz every session!) and my son COULD latch if I sat and tried. But it was frustrating and I hated feeling tethered to him or a pump all the time. It was my PP doula/LC who finally said "this just isn't for you and that's ok. Switch to formula, you'll be happier". And I really really was. What a relief! I had the sad feeling for a few days (more like feeling like a failure than sad that we missed on bonding or nutrition or something).
I'm now pregnant with my 2nd and I've said forever that I won't even try pumping or BF this time. But every once in a while the thought creeps in that maybe it'll be easier or maybe my PPD won't be as bad, especially if I'm proactive and seek help early. And I wonder if I should try.

My sister was the opposite - her first two she never even tried, she went straight to FF both. Her third she decided to give it a whirl and she did like it, but she didn't produce much so she was never exclusively BF, so around 4-5 weeks she decided to just can it and do formula only. She's glad she tried once since it's her last, but wasn't upset that it didn't work.

So the point of that is to say that sometimes I try to remind myself not to think of it as "I should try with this one too" and instead "I did try it once and it wasn't good for me, and that's ok". But, I'm not saying I fully believe that.

My ideal scenario would be to nurse 1-2 times a day from day one and FF the rest. But I'm not sure that's even possible!

@SteelerGirl: Yes 100% everything you mentioned about FF is true! Those things are annoying and that's why I sometimes think that BF would be so much easier. But thinking about being in such a strict timeline and having to be home every 2-3 hours (even less in the beginning), the stress of not knowing how much he's getting, the clogged ducts, the cluster feeds, etc are the other side. But those things are more about mental health I guess? So like one is mentally easier (FF) but one is easier convenience wise (BF).
Totally grass is greener situation and just depends on the person!

I only have two but long story short: was miserable BFing or pumping for LO1 so FF LO2 from birth and it was a million times better.

You don't have to even attempt breastfeeding if you don't want to do that. I didn't and it was amazing!

I had medical issues going on with my second and with advice from my doctors chose not to try after trying and failing with my first, and we had a great experience! I did pump for weeks because I bf'd just for colostrum and it took awhile to stop producing for me.

With #3 I'd actually like to combo feed because I would like to try nursing for various reasons but I'm soooooo not attached to the EBF label!

I say go with your gut. I can think of so many other things that I'd rank above bf'ing in terms of importance in parenting. And fwiw I had terrible PPD/A with my first and newborn bliss for the most part with my second. (Still hormones but nothing like the first time.) I don't know if it was related but I'm sure having confidence in my own decisions and knowing that my first had formula and was totally fine, smart, etc. helped!

I do not have experience to refer to but I encourage you to do what's best for your and your family. If it were me in your situation I expect I would choose to BF and supplement from the get go and quit bf if it stopped working/did not work- but if at least give it a shot just in case. But if you choose to go straight to formula- I think that's great and you should do it with no guilt. I support you!

Not the same, but I chose to never BF (didn't even try - but gave it lots of thought and research while pregnant) with either child. I knew myself, and I wanted to set myself up to be a happy mother, enjoy my children, and reduce anxiety. It was absolutely the right choice for me, and I never looked back. Do what's right for your family.

@HappyBaker: thanks for updating. I’m currently EPing for LO2 who is 3.5 weeks old. I’m not sure how long I can EP because I have low supply and I just don’t know if pumping will be feasible long term. Struggling some with the idea of being “fair” and providing LO2 with the same I gave LO1. I made it to 8 weeks pumping the first time around before deciding cuddling my baby was much healthier than stressing over a few ounces of BM per day. Anyway..I just wanted to say that this entire thread and your update helped me. Congrats on your new little bundle and I hope you are healing well!

Thanks for posting this thread. My 4yo never had a drop of formula, but this time I am expecting twins and am uncertain I'll be able to manage to avoid supplementing this time. I will give EBFing a shot but I need to be realistic.

@HappyBaker: So happy to hear your update! I BF'd LO #1 for over a year but started supplementing around 10 months and wish I had done it sooner for my own sanity.

Pregnant with LO #2 currently and intend to try BF'ing to start but remembering how much I struggled and stressed over having enough milk it is nice to remind myself that formula is a great alternative.

I'm so glad it's working out for you! I formula fed my first right from the beginning and I loved it. We always knew how much she was getting and wasn't up at all hours nursing. It was super convenient as anyone could feed her and I didn't have to worry about being there to feed her, the logistics of breastfeeding, etc. I'm pregnant with my second and have considered breastfeeding and just can't make up my mind.