(Warning: long post ahead!)

Background: I am a firm believer in consistency when it comes to parenting, including with discipline. I do my best to keep my behavior expectations and consequences the same wherever we are (traveling, at home, etc).

Dilemma: We are staying with my ILs over the holidays right now and we had a situation arise tonight where my daughter (3.5 yo) threw a fit because after bath she had said she wanted me to change her but after my husband had taken her brother to the other room to change him, she changed her mind and started whining and demanding that her dad change her. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal (and an easy fix with me just changing my son and my husband changing my daughter) but she is one of those souls where if you give an inch, she'll run with it (which is why I am particular about being consistent with her). Our rule in the house is that you don't get what you want because you whine. You can ask for anything you'd like, but need to do so without whining and if mom/dad say no, it means no. We aren't trying to be strict for the sake of it and try to be flexible when we can, but we are also not here to negotiate.

Usually my husband and I are very much on the same page with this. However, in the Korean culture, parents (especially the in-laws for the girl) are often considered "higher" in rank and I know my in-laws don't like to hear my kids cry. For me though, I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they can behave differently and get away with it just because they're in a different place. My husband, however, didn't want to make his parents feel uncomfortable hearing our daughter have a full on screaming melt down (I had given her a few chances to calm down and had also warned her that the next step would be time out).

What would you do in this situation? Is it more important to stay consistent with parenting wherever you are? Or to change your rules/expectations depending on environment? I'm honestly torn in this case but am leaning towards staying consistent...I can sense the immense disapproval from the in-laws though and we're here for 10 more days!! (Also, I have a complicated relationship with them...)