According to DH, I am a terrible snorer. (He's a pretty bad snorer himself, but I'm able to deal with it.) He says it's getting worse and has been sleeping on the couch the past couple of nights. Everything else is fine between us, he just wants to get a good night's sleep, and that makes sense, but it still feels weird not sleeping together. Just wondered if anyone else has been through similar situations and how it affected your relationship.
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Yes! Lately DH and I have been sleeping in different beds. Our relationship is great, but I'm sick so I can't really sleep to begin with, and we have a really old mattress that we need to replace so I don't find it comfortable at all! It works for us for now. I think we are going mattress shopping next weekend, and hopefullyby then my cold will be gone too!
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Nope! Never have.
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We often sleep separately during the week, for the same issue (snoring and needing a good night's sleep). Hasn't affected our relationship.
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Alot of times yes bc i cosleep with our baby and its.easier if its just me and the baby.in bed. Plus, he gets a better.nights rest and i get to stretch out. Our relationship is good.
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Yep! We almost always sleep seperately. Our relationship is great, we take time to cuddle and be intimate, we just sleep better apart.
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There was a thread on this very recently, and a surprising number of bees do. I'd link to it but I can't search on my phone. I think it really works for some people though, and it could be better than him developing resentment over the snoring. I've been known to kick DHto the guest room because his snoring makes me so MAD, even though he can't help it.
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We do right now because we take shifts with the baby.. We hate it and hope this doesn't last too much longer, as we've been sleeping separately (and at separate times) for the last 14 weeks!
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We had been on and off for about 6 months. being pregnant and having a sore neck matched with someone who snores, tosses and turns topped off with a crappy old queen mattress...neither of us were getting any sleep. It was great, but did make me a little sad to be not sleeping next to my husband. We need the spare room now for a nursery so we had to find a solution. We brought a brand new king size bed which is amazing. We have seperate blankets still but tons of space and the firmer mattress has improved his snoring which is a bonus
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DH has slept on the couch or in the guest bed when he's really sick or insomniac here and there. Frankly, we hate to sleep apart.
Have you guys tried breathe right strips? No clue if they work but doesn't hurt, right?
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@mrs squirreled: So glad the king size bed has helped! Whenever we stay in a hotel with a king bed it is HEAVEN, but sadly our house is too small for a king sized bed (it wouldn't fit up the stairs!).
@meridian: Sorry you're going through that! I hope it doesn't last too much longer for you guys.
@torchwood: I thought I'd seen a recent thread like this, but couldn't find it. Thanks for the info, though, it's reassuring to know we aren't the only ones. I definitely don't want DH to develop resentment and I don't want to keep feeling guilty!
@ra: I thought I remembered you mentioning that before. Glad to hear your relationship is still strong. It's odd that we assume that a couple should automatically be able to sleep well together and that if they don't, well, then something is wrong. It's just a bit difficult to stop thinking that way. But if cuddling and intimacy continues, then what's the difference?
@stargal: Good to hear that your DH can get a better night's rest if it's just you and baby in bed. And I do enjoy stretching out, too!
@yoursilverlining: Thanks for sharing!
@mrsbrewer: Good luck getting a new mattress! Sorry you're sick, and I hope you feel better soon!
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We sleep in the same bed but with separate blankets and have been that way since we've lived together. My husband is a thrasher in his sleep and likes to put the blankets between his legs so he yanks the covers over. I wish we could sleep "normally" but this is what works for us.
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Pretty frequently. I snore and we're both bed-hogs who like to sprawl out. We are both students, so we really need our sleep. We really need to buy a king size bed. Our queen just isn't big enough.
Our relationship is fine. It used to piss me off when he'd sleep on the couch, but it doesn't anymore. Some nights it's better for all involved.
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We've always shared a bed. But I don't see anything wrong with sleeping separately if it gets you guys better sleep.
@CRGmama: lol we do this too. Same bed, different blankets. It started when we coslept with our son. Safer for DH to have his own blanket so I could make sure mine was at my waist and didn't go over baby's head. But now DH prefers to not share a blanket with me anymore because I tuck and roll as he says. lol I'm a blanket hog.
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Not since our first apartment together when we had crazy loud neighbors. I was able to sleep through some of it, but DH just couldn't and slept on the floor in the kitchen for a while
Now we sleep with separate blankets. We always used to fight over them in our sleep. I'm a pretty bad snorer so I'm glad DH can tolerate it. I slept terribly during those months that he was in the hospital. We aren't snuggly sleepers,but I love having him nearby.
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No. DH snores and I can't stand it, so I use white noise and occssionally 1 earplug (ear not on the pillow) to drown it out and still allow me to hear crying LOs. I just don't sleep well without him, so I make a few adjustments to make it work.
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We regularly sleep apart because my husband snores, though not every night, and I am really sensitive to it. I just set up shop in the guest room when I can't sleep in our bed. It hasn't affected our relationship at all. Getting a good night's sleep is way more important at this stage of life.
Also, when we vacation, we always get double queen rooms at the hotel. It's the best of both worlds. In the same room, but with our own space.
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We are finally sleeping in the same room, but it took a lot to get us there. My husband has terrible sleep apnea and wouldn't go to the doctor for the longest time. The whole time we were dating and even after we were married, I couldn't sleep in the same room with him. He finally went to the doctor and got a CPAP machine almost a year after we were married. We tried sleeping in the same room then and discovered that our queen bed was an issue. He tossed and turned all night and kept me up still, plus he took up a lot of space on the bed. About a month ago, we finally got ourselves a nice big king bed with a memory foam mattress. Between the new bed and his CPAP, we're finally able to sleep in the same room together.
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A few times a year, one of us will sleep in the guest room if we have been tossing and turning so as not to disturb the other one. If your snoring is getting worse, I'd chat with your doctor to make sure nothing medical is going on.
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No. I made my husband go to an ear nose throat doctor and she prescribed him a spray to open his nasal passages and that has helped the snoring immensely.
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Nope. We usually sleep great next to each other. But, there are nights where I wish I had a twin bed in M's room set up. Usually cause when he can't sleep he sometimes plays in his tablet in bed.
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We used to much more frequently because DH snores and I'm a light sleeper, but we got a white noise machine and I wear ear plugs, so now we rarely do. I actually wouldn't mind sleeping separately more often, but LO will get to the age soon where she notices these things so I don't want to make it a habit. My parents slept apart growing up and I was embarrassed to have friends sleep over because of it (so I pretty much never did). They've been married almost 30 years and have a great relationship, but it was difficult to understand as a child.
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DH got a cpap so now we rarely sleep apart, unless someone is very sick (contagious mostly) or sleeping with E
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We sleep separate and not only is it no big deal, it helps us. We are so tired it is every "man" (or woman) for himself!
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@krispi: This sounds similar to my situation. My husband has slept in the guest room for almost three years before he finally got his CPAP. Now the guest room is about to be the nursery so he will have to move back in the bedroom. He takes off the mask halfway through the night because he says it make him uncomfortable, but them I'm awake from 2 am on because of the snoring.
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We have recently started sleeping apart for half the night. I moved DD to her room and end up in the guest room after her first wakeup because it's just easier/closer to her. I'm getting much better sleep now, probably because I don't need to listen to the monitor since she's right next door.
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We never used to, but in the last 9ish months, we have. Honestly, it's pretty great. DH comes to bed suuuuper late and is an AWFUL snorer/mouthbreather/talker/chewer/etc. I usually bring our 14 month old in bed when she wakes up in the morning (anywhere from 5-6:30), and he'd rather sleep in. So anyway, it works out pretty good for us.
I used to have a white noise machine blasting by my head, which worked great, but since having LO, I like to be able to hear her at night.
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http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-partners-sleep-in-separate-rooms/
It's gold, so not everyone will be able to see it. The poll results were:
Always: 6
Often: 21
Rarely: 38
Never: 63 -
Nope, never have!
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@mrs green grass: Thanks for the link to that thread! I couldn't find it myself
@greentea:
@mae: I'm going to go to the doctor soon and I'll ask about a nasal spray. Glad it's helped your DH!
@loveisstrange: Yes, you need sleep so you can study! Honestly it pissed me off at first that DH would sleep downstairs, but I'm starting to see it might be best for both of us.
@bananapancakes: Good sleep is so important to each of us right now - especially me, who didn't get a full night's sleep for DS's first 18 months!
@regberadaisy: Thanks for the suggestion about nasal strips. I do use them, but they don't seem to always work. DH doesn't use them because he can't seem to put them on correctly!!!
@krispi: I'm glad the CPAP and new bed/mattress have helped and that you guys can sleep in the same bed again. I'm wondering if I might need one of those machines, too.
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@Katrocap: We have an Ikea king frame that we built upstairs, and a memory foam mattress that was able to bend around the stairs. No way the bed is coming out unless we disassemble it first.
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I like to joke (half seriously) that I haven't had a good nights' sleep in a decade since we got married. I'm a super light sleeper and have trouble falling asleep, and Wagon Sr. is an incredibly active sleeper who does everything (toss, turn, snore, talk in his sleep, and 3 types of teeth grinding) and he falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow. I don't really mind sleeping apart all that much but he hates it. The few times we have slept apart I slept LIKE A ROCK and woke up so refreshed.
A few things that have helped... breathe right strips, getting him to sleep on his side facing away from me, nightguard for his mouth, and most importantly-- king sized bed!! We have separate blankets and on the worst nights I pile two king sized pillows between us and there's still plenty of room, but it creates a nice wall that keeps a lot of sound out. Plus it helps him stay on his side while sleeping. Also, he has learned to stay awake until I'm drowsy enough to fall asleep. It's rare that he'll fall asleep before me now, because once he's asleep, it's really hard for him to wake back up and stay awake. Once I've fallen asleep I can usually sleep through his normal sleep hijinks.
(We have a narrow stairwell and BARELY fit our king mattress up the stairs. The bed, disassembled, fit ok, and we have a split boxspring. A foam mattress would have fit up just fine. We were seriously close to not getting that mattress up there!!)
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Last night was the first night in weeks...months that we slept in the same bed the entire night! Our dd1 has needed one of us to sleep with her at night for the last 4months and last night we tried some "sleep training" and explained that we can't sleep with her anymore and she is a big girl who can sleep without us. It worked! We will see if it works tonight.
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Me and my DH started sleeping in separate beds for part of the night about a month ago. He goes to sleep in the spare bedroom when our DD moves into our bed in the middle of the night (she wakes up crying and won't go back to sleep unless we move her to our bed). We've really got to work on that.
@SleepyMonkey: It sounds like we're in a similar situation. Glad to hear that sleep training worked for you last night. Good luck tonight!
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@cranberry: yeah. I'm hoping it goes like that tonight too. She goes down without a peep by herself for our nanny, so I know she can go to sleep by herself and can sttn because she did that from ages 6-23 months. But I guess she knows that we are more easily manipulated! We let it go on for 4 months but we have a newborn now so we wanted to fix it. It was weird sleeping with dh last night! I have to get used to it again.
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When we're sick, or when DH falls asleep on the couch in the basement. He's been working late at night
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Right now all the time, pregnancy makes me snore loudly (he said even the couch isn't far enough away some nights) and I don't think this in any way reflects on our relationship. I would rather him get decent sleep (and me too) than him forcing himself to sleep with me without me even knowing it. Most nights I don't' even know he moves to the couch.
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I kick DH out somewhat regularly during the week but on the weekends I usually deal with it. DH snores and I'm a light sleeper normally but it's even worse now that I"m pregnant. I do use a white noise machine but still can't fully block him out. I would have no problem going to the guest room as long as we can set up a white noise machine but DH refused to let me since I'm pregnant. He's so thoughtful that way.
Pretty soon I"m going to get the pregnant snores so I'm sure he'll be running to the other room! I don't feel like this hurts our relationship at all. We normally go to bed together, he just leaves after awhile.
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No. It's one of those things that we're both really weird about... as long as we are under the same roof, we sleep in the same bed.
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