Hellobee Boards

Mayim Bialik addressed this same thing a year or so ago, and I thought it was brilliant. http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/why-i-never-force-my-kids-to-kiss-their-grandparents-or-anyone-else/

D is friendly and outgoing, but not much of a hugger or kisser. Even with me and Hubs. He takes a bit to warm up, even with people who he sees frequently and asks about constantly. He was excited for an entire day to see his grandparents, asking about them, but when we walked in the door, he clung to me for 10 minutes until I could even put him down, and even then it was another 5 minutes before he would offer so much as a smile to his grandparents.

With my parents, they back off until he warms up. My ILs aren't quite as good, though they at least don't force physical contact. But they are constantly in his face, saying hi, and generally freaking him out. He's burying his face in my neck, and they're trying to cup their hands over his face and say "it's dark in there." Cuz that's not terrifying. BUT that's a story for another day.

All this to say, if I sense that he's uncomfortable, right now (at 22 months), I simply walk away from them. I ask if he wants to give a hi-five, or ask him to say hi, but if he's clearly not ready for it, I walk away and give him time to watch from afar. Maybe that's passive-aggressive, but whatever. For now, when he can't "protect" himself, it's up to me to do it for him.

I definitely like the idea of this. Nothing is worse than being forced to hug and kiss when you're uncomfortable. LO is almost two and definitely has a big personality with no trouble saying no and high tailing it outta there if she's not interested and I'd never force her. This works fine with my side of the family but DH's side is very into forced hugs and kisses and finds it rude for kids not to physically greet adults and cousins. We haven't spent much time with them recently so it'll be interesting. I think I'll encourage her to wave or high five and then she can hug if she decides to on her own.

As someone on the receiving end of parents telling their kids to hug me, I'm very uncomfortable with it. In fact, I often tell the child it's okay not to hug or kiss and offer a hi-five. I also don't like when people become dramatic about not getting hugs & kisses saying the child must not like them ans and acting sad. Children should show affection on their own terms and not be made to feel bad for not doing so.

I imagine explaining how I feel about the subject and being my kid's advocate will keep pesky friends & family at bay.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: agreed! I generally try to respect what a parent tells their child to do (ie, apologize if they accidently knock over LO or step on my foot, whatever) but I AL WAYS say that they don't have to hug me if they don't want to. It makes me feel like a jerk when they're forced to do it.

What I found interesting is that I actually didn't have to do anything, my son takes care of it all himself. From a very early age, he decided if he wanted to be close to a person, my parents actually commented about it to me, that if he doesn't want to be near you, he lets you know.

We taught him to shake hands, which is kind of hit or miss, lol.