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Yes. New friends, stat. I would NEVER take a baby to a 6pm class, and I'm a WOHM too!

Any chance she was agreeing with you? Like, working moms (both of you two) would never choose a 6pm class?

I don't necessarily think that's a judgey statement... was there more to what she said. You could flip that conversation to make it sound like YOU'RE being the judgey one... that you would never keep you baby up that late to go to a yoga class.

I think that it's really hard to discuss parenting with a mom that does things differently than you do without someone feeling judged, even if that's not the intent. Especially since, in general, FTM already second-guess their choices on their own. I would try to let this all roll off my back if possible...

@macintosh: oooo I see what the comment meant. Yeah then poop on her.

@macintosh: As a full time WOHM it actually can be really frustrating that there are rarely classes/activities that work with my schedule. So my initial reaction would probably also be that I would love a 6pm class. And she may have just meant that moms who work outside the home have less flexible schedules than moms who work at home. I would try not to take her comments too personally as they are probably more reflective of her own situation than anything to do with you.

I guess I wouldn't consider that to be a judgmental comment? Perhaps her kid's bedtime is really late so she can swing the 6pm class? I agree with @kiddosc: that it's easy to misinterpret comments or feel judged when talking to a parent who makes different parenting choices.

We all say stupid things... maybe she had a terrible day? But if she's like this all the time, that's a red flag.

I've found in the sleep deprivation that I've reverted to the first grader mentality of finding superficial similarities and thinking we can bond over them... but , despite us both having babies at the same time and using the same diapers, bottles, and wipes; my friend's friend still drives me batty. You want people who feel confident enough in their choices that they respect yours.

@macintosh: While I think her comparisons of her kid with your suck (because they're always made to make the other person feel superior), I took the comment about the yoga class as "Hey I'm a working mom and we would like to do these classes with our kids as well". I get it. I'm a WOHM, and I feel like I can't put my kids in any classes because they are all during the day.

I don't think that comment in isolation is horrible, but in the context of all the other things you said you feel she judges you about, I get it!

@macintosh: honestly I don't think she is being judgemental. But if her comments bother you, stop talking to her or talk to her less.

@macintosh: sounds like she is inconsiderate. I'm sorry. I know just how hard it is to find mom friends so I know how hard it must be to struggle with your mom friend being this way. Some people just don't get it. (and as a WOHM, there is no way we would make a 6pm activity - when would we have our family meal??)

I don't know what her intentions are, but to me it doesn't matter. If she makes you feel crappy because of her comments (whether or not she intends to be judgemental), then you need to do something about it. Either tell her or back off from being friends. I get how hard it is to make mom friends. But ones that make you feel bad aren't worth it. I'm not confrontational so I would probably just stop making an effort with her. Not saying that is the best way to go about it, it's just what I would do.

it can be hard when you have a mom friend who is doing everything "opposite" of the way you do it, whether you're sensitive to the differences or not, sometimes things can be misconstrued and sometimes the feelings of judgement go both ways! i have a friend who is always comparing her son to our other friend's son, but in a way that she feels bad about where her son is at developmentally, how BFing was going, etc. because of the comparison on her own side, not anything her friend is doing!

the infant stage is a tough one because really no one has any clue what they're doing the first time around, some people are just better at pretending. i would definitely try to limit my contact with moms that are making me feel crazy or second guessing my choices and reach out to meeting more mommas and hopefully you find some you find more supportive, even if you're not doing things the same

Why do you feel judged by the facts that she EBF and cloth diapers and you don’t? Like, I mean, does she say that formula is poison or that disposables are the devil? I don’t read your example of saying one baby is chubby vs. the other skinny as a judgment on food source or diapering choices; some babies are full of rolls and others not.

I feel like sometimes people feel judged, but it’s themselves doing the judging (of themselves). Just because you do things differently doesn’t make everything a judgment on your parenting style.

As a FT WOHM, I am always happy to see classes held outside of working hours, because it so very rarely happens. 6pm is a crap time for most families to hold a class, regardless of work status, but my first impulse would have been the same as hers. It's nice to see classes held at times other than "Tuesday at 11:30am"

At the end of the day though, you sound like you are not happy in this friendship, so it’s probably time to move on. Which sucks.

She probably just means that it might be nice for WOH moms to have some options that are outside of working hours. It doesn't really sound that judge-y to me. I WOH and would love to take a class with my LO (any class really) but they are always in the middle of the day on a weekday. (I do agree with you though, 6pm is a rough time!) Regardless though, sounds like maybe you should take a step back from your friendship, at least for awhile. Whether she is actually judging you or not, it seems like you are uncomfortable with her and that's a good enough reason to re-assess a friendship.