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@Coco Bee: she's just projecting her own feelings onto you. Most people do that, which is why I rarely open up to people!

Your feelings are totally valid! Sorry she disappointed you!!

Awww so sorry! She probably just cant understand because she's not in your shoes. Being a sahm isn't for everybody. You need to do what makes you happy, not what would make her happy!

Yes mama's are supposed to be with their babies. And if you work you still will be..... just not 24/7!

I don't think either of you are right or wrong; she just has her opinion and doesn't understand your perspective!

I think you should do what makes you happy and that if by working you'll be happy; it will make you even greater mom!

Awh, sorry to hear She's probably too caught up in her own unhappiness with her situation to be understanding.

A happy mom is the best mom, whether she's home, working, etc I hope you get to do what makes you happy!

@Coco Bee: I totally support you and think your family should too!

You have really high expectations of family though... you must have a really great family.

@Coco Bee: if your were to go back to work, would it be possible for her to watch your LO? Then maybe she could be a sahm full time and still make some income. And she may be more receptive to your needs when hers have been met.

You are very strong for putting yourself out there like you have. Sometimes, the hardest part is admitting those things. Especially when your surroundings tell you something different.

Awww Cocobee - sorry I can't relate to your situation yet, but I think MrBee is right about the projecting thing. I'm super close with my sister too, but we also have completely different viewpoints on some serious issues, which have led to us just totally not understanding why the other would feel a certain way about some things. Only thing I can think of for the PPD is have you looked into a support group? And I was just reading about how SAHMs actually have more issues and depression than working moms, so I can see your point truly. Maybe join a group (like the ones I've been looking at on meetup.com?) for other SAHMs? {{{HUGS}}}

She's resentful of your situation because you have what she wants, and is just upset you aren't "grateful" because she would kill to be in your shoes. That said, she was being insensitive.

I also think that because a large percentage of women would like to be a SAHM (oh, if DH made more, blah blah blah), they don't understand the reality that sometimes it sucks and just doesn't work for you as an individual. My mother can't fathom why I want to go back to work, for instance. The horror, I'd rather leave my baby with strangers? (massive eye roll). Maybe she just can't relate, and I don't think that's uncommon, unfortunately. I've met quite a few women who are shocked that someone wouldn't want to stay home. The VERY MOST important thing is that you are happy.

I was talking to a coworker the other day. She told me she stayed home with her kids. And wished she hadn't. She said she lost so much of herself and who she was, but that everybody shamed her into being a SAHM, that it was "awful" if she wanted to work. Now she's like 50+ and is like, "i hated it. i hated it so much, i hated who i had become, if i could go back in time, I'd be a working mom!".

So, long story short, do what will make you happy.

@Coco Bee: Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I also want to be a working mom. I've been a SAHM since we moved but I know it's not for me long term. I have OK days and I have really bad days. I'm looking but jobs are so few and far between, and I really hate feeling that I'm not in control of my own destiny or contributing financially. And it sounds bad, but I feel like my brain is getting rustier by the day!

Thankfully I have a SIL who works and totally gets it. A couple other family members totally don't, and I keep hesitating to join mom groups for fear that they will be full of SAHMs who chose to be SAHMs who don't get it. Also, I'm tired of feeling like I have no identity outside of motherhood anymore, so I'm not super eager to base all my social life on the fact that I have a kid.

@mrbee: I confided to my mom not long ago that I'd been feeling depressed. She told me to "snap out of it." Normally I can go to her with anything, so it was like someone had thrown cold water on me.

I have a close friends who was a SAHM to two small girls and she used to lock herself into the bathroom and cry to get away from them. She loves her kids, but she was very unhappy and depressed being at home with them every day. She finally decided to go back to work. Today, she is infinitely happier and feels like she has "life" outside being a mom now.

I have many friends who are working moms and most of them tell me that they feel they are better moms because they work. Sure, it can be more stressful and hectic at times, and it's hard at times to be away from your baby, but they feel fulfilled by working and this makes them a better person. I think it is absolutely 100% ok to want to work. Follow your heart and go for it!

It's not shallow at all, to want enough money to be able to enrich your family's lives in ways that are only possible with financial backing. One of the perks to working is having extra cash around...not having enough money is incredibly stressful for anyone.