My in-laws are here and my baby is crying so hard because she wants to go to sleep. They keep jostling her around thinking they are actually helping but it's making it worse. I just want to take her back, but I know they need "bonding" time.
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when LO was a newborn, I took her right away when she started crying- especially when she was overtired/hungry. I always just said something like "I'm so sorry to do this as I know you were looking forward to spending some time with her, but I can tell she's getting very tired and is going to be very cranky in a bit if I don't get her to sleep". Then I would nurse her to sleep and offer to let them hold her while she was sleeping for a bit.
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If she's just fussing, I'll let them try to work it out, but I totally intervene immediately if anyone other than my husband has her if she's crying hard. But I might be a little crazy pants ...
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At that age and since she is so tired, less then a minute. I don't care if it hurts feelings, her sleep is more important.
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Not long when she was a newborn (less than a minute). Even now I take her back pretty quickly if she's crying hard.
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Seconds. I can't stand watching other people try to comfort LO. It makes me really tense and then she gets tense and it's a cycle of awful.
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I make them hand the baby over. As soon as I can calm baby down then they can have her back!
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Um, just a few minutes. You are the mom, so feel free to take her back from the in laws anytime. My LO was pretty fussy for the first 3 months of his life so I held and nursed him all the time. Family members didn't get to bond with him, but they sure do now that he is 10 months! Newborns really just need their mamas. Don't feel bad for taking your baby back, you know what she needs best.
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In your case (baby needs to sleep) I would take her back pretty quickly; I'd just swoop in and sort of grab her and "apologize" for her needing her sleep.
If LO was/is fussing because she would rather I held her because I'm there; I generally leave the room and she stops crying or I give the holder time to work out the issue themselves.
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Newborn babies, take them back right away
8+ weeks, probably 30 seconds?
4 months, maybe a minute or so?So, basically I wasn't comfortable letting other people hold my crying baby.
At 15 months though, anyone can hold when she's crying if they want to! Haha
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I'm not a mom yet, but when I'm holding a baby that starts to fuss/cry I always just say "I'm fine holding a fussy/crying baby, but you can take her back if you want to." Half the times the mom takes her back right away, other times they let me try to sooth her. Doesn't bother me one way or another.
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Not very long. I am bad at this, but I can soothe LO best, even better than DH. I do try to let others soothe her but it makes me anxious. I toss it up to being FTM
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In my experience people would just hand him back to me hot-potato style when he was crying! Hahahaha maybe my friends/family are less hands-on than yours.
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Not long at all. Probably under a minute. And I don't feel bad about it - he's MY baby, not anyone else's! I'm concerned primarily with his bond to me (and DH's) and if anyone feels badly about it, that's their choice. Fwiw, it does drive my in-laws crazy that I parent this way but I feel it's the best way for our family.
@oliviaoblivia: Agreed. Watching someone else try to calm my LO causes me to tense up like none other.
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It depends why. If she is just grumpy, they are welcome to her but if she's in pain then I have to have her right away.
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I would take him right away.
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Not very long. I'm the mom. Comforting my crying baby is my right.
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Not at all. I get all upset watching other people try to comfort my LO.
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I'll let them hold him for as long as they are comfortable doing so as long as he isn't hungry or tired or there isn't another reason he is crying that I can resolve for him.
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I take him back asap when he's upset.
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I've had to physically take him back from my MIL who refused to hand him over when he was clearly overwhelmed. Like reach in and just grab him. Do not hesitate to take her back if you think that's what she needs.
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@TemperanceBrennan: This!
I take her back pretty quickly, unless I can't for some reason. What kind of bonding is it when baby is crying because she's tired?
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I am pretty quick to respond so less than a minute. I'll say "it's okay, mommy's here..." and reach to hold my baby right away. She just gets more upset and harder to settle the longer anyone tries so I don't want it to get to that point.
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Pretty quickly, I get seriously anxious watching others trying to soothe my baby! They just don't know how lol... I try to be nice about it and tell them they can have more baby time once she is in a better mood and has slept or ate or whatever.
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LO sleeps best in her Ergo and I nurse, so if she's tired or hungry I'm quick to grab her back. She's a pretty easy going baby though so she gets plenty of happy time with everybody.
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I am bad for letting them try to work it out. Thats all they want to do is help and having them calm baby down is their ultimate goal. I will usually hint that shes hungry or tired and give options about what might help. They can pass her over to me when thet realize they are not helping. What annoys me is when they say "shes gassy" when I tell them shes tired.
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Depends on the faith I have in the person holding her. If I know it's a lost cause from the get go I take her right away.
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I always take her back. #1 cause I usually can't stand the person making her cry (she doesn't for my parents..) and #2 I have severe anxiety, so I just imagine how I'd feel in a similar situation and shudder. haha.
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Ugh this happened last weekend at my inlaws during dinner. I know they were trying to be helpful and so that I could finish my dinner. She was just fussy and she was getting passed from my husband to me to my MIL then to my FIL and then she really started ramping up and I just wanted to scream "you're not doing it right!" It took me over a half hour to get her to calm down once I removed her from the situation and took her out on the porch
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@Lindsay05: ugh! That drives me nuts, too! My MIL was saying that today, even though she was clearly tired, and kept putting her on her belly on a pillow and rubbing her back, insisting it's what she needed. Um, no
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@BabyBoecksMom: So frustrating! My mom is the worst for it. ANY time she cries, it's gas. I have to bite my tongue a lot trying not to just yell at her!
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I take her almost immediately but nobody has ever objected!
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Thirty seconds if that.
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32 comments