We've decided to do the Ferber CIO method and today is night number one. DS has been crying for an hour. I don't know if I can handle much more! help!!
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At what intervals are you checking on him and does he calm down at all when you do check on him?
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@MamaG: 10 minutes. He goes crazy when I go in so DH goes in. He'll fall asleep for a few seconds but wakes up crying again
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@whenoceansrise: I think for Ferber the first night is 3 min, check, then 5 min, check, then every 7 minutes after that until asleep. Second night is maybe 5-7-10. Third is 7-10-15.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
We did a few nights of Ferber recently with LO2, and then just did full blown CIO after that. It was rough, but so worth it. Much bette sleeper and happier baby now. Hang in there, mama!
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@keepcalmcarrie: you're probably right but I don't even know if the checks are helping at this point. Should we lower it to 7?
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We didn't specifically do Ferber, so I can't speak to his methods. Did you nurse and put him down drowsy/awake? How often do you normally nurse at night? What was his sleep routine before? Did he nurse to sleep?
I know that's a lot of questions. I'm just thinking about how much is possibly changing to his routine tonight?
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@whenoceansrise: We did our own version of Ferber, and started off with 7 minute checks at first. But I don't think there's an "end"- I think the thinking is that if you "give up," then you're just teaching baby to cry until then. However, there are also some that have given in, and tried again a month or whatever later, and had success. So I think it just depends on your personal threshold....sorry that doesn't help much when you're in the thick of it!
But hang in there! Sleep training is not for the weak. It is really hard to do, but so worth it. -
Sounds too long to me
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@MamaG: we are changing so much to his routine. We used to nurse to sleep and co sleep. We did bath, boob, book and he definitely was drowsy and we put him in the crib.
Now he seems to be falling asleep but wakes himself up after a few minutes, then crying a few seconds and falling asleep and repeats that over again.
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@whenoceansrise: how old is LO? we attempted CIO on several occasions with what sounds like your results. Then when his sleep was so bad we couldn't take it anymore and resolved to do CIO no matter what, it went so differently - still lots of wake ups, but with actual falling asleep stretches. I think some babies just aren't ready for it until later.
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@whenoceansrise: That's why we switched to full-blown CIO. Checks weren't helping it all after a few days. I am a big proponent of doing what feels right and taking it night by night though. If he's too upset at this point and it's rough on you, maybe go in and pick him up and try again tomorrow. Whatever feels right.
The best thing is that he will totally smile at you in the morning no matter what. Babies are wonderfully forgiving (and forgetful!)
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I'm sorry! I know it's hard. It might be too much change for him all at once. K is bottle fed, and she routinely falls asleep drinking her bottle. We burp and she's often asleep when we put her in the crib. Putting down drowsy when he's accustomed to nursing to sleep, plus a new environment might be too much?
Does he take a pacifier?
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@runnerd: 5 months. His sleep was getting bad when we co-slept so that's why we decided to sleep train
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@MamaG: no, he uses me as a paci. Ahhh this is so hard!
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I agree with @Mrs.Someone: . If you think you can't take much more, then don't do it. Do what feels right to you.
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@keepcalmcarrie: thank you! I was hoping he wouldn't be mad at me!
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@whenoceansrise: yea our little guy was stubborn and CIO definitely didn't work at that age. Around 6mo we let him cry for 45min straight one night, checks only making things worse. When co-sleeping no longer worked at 8.5mo, CIO was successful in less than 3 days. Not to discourage you, just to throw in perspective that some babies are stubborn about CIO for longer
I don't think our guy was emotional ready until later
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No advice for you here, friend. Just hoping and praying things get better.
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How is DH doing? Let it be a mutual decision for your family. Even if you are ready to break, if he feels like he can endure longer - maybe you need to walk away to clear your head from the situation. Take a shower, get outside, whatever. And there's nothing wrong with throwing in the towel for now, and trying again tomorrow or later tonight or next week.
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@whenoceansrise: No, he won't be mad at all. He will be your happy, smiley baby. The only difference is he (and you) will be better rested after this process, awful as it is.
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It was going on 2 hours so I caved. Soooooo not looking forward to trying this again. Thanks for all of your help though!
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@whenoceansrise: sorry to hear it's been a rough night! Maybe it won't be as bad when he is a bit older and more ready for it.
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My son could not handle checks at all. We had to do full blown CIO and I put DH in charge while I put earplugs in and his somewhere. DH was not phased at all.
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@whenoceansrise: there are just some kids for whom CIO just isn't a good "fit", could you maybe try some more gradual / gentle methods? Just my two cents but I feel like crying for two hours is too long but hang in there and I hope you get some better sleep soon!
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@whenoceansrise: fwiw I eventually let my son cry off and on for 3 hours. He kept dozing for a few minutes and then waking so I knew he was tired and just forcing himself to stay awake so I let him settle himself. The next night was only an hour, the next night was more like a half hour and then the fourth night, no crying or wakeups at all. It's hard but it does pay off in the end. I just turned off my monitor sound and shut our bedroom door so it was at least muffled.
I allowed it to go on that long the first night because my doc told me that I should go in every 10 mins BUT that was with continuous crying. If he stopped before the 10 mins the clock reset. So he never cried for 10 mins straight so I basically never went in.
And I will confirm that he NEVER was upset or mad at me. He was as smiley and loving as ever when I went in to him the next morning. Babies don't hold grudges.
I know people have different opinions about CIO so I just think it's really a "to each their own" kind of thing. Do what feels right for you and take it day by day. -
@whenoceansrise: we set a limit that we could handle. I think the longest (with checks) was 90 minutes, and I couldn't handle anymore. That was only the first night or two though. Good luck!
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For M, the checks weren't helpful at all. He did better when I just let him cry. With checks, it was over an hour. After I stopped checking, it quickly went down to 30-40 min. Now he fusses less than a min.
Once I stopped giving him a reason to cry, he stopped.
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Good luck. We tried it and failed, we let her go over an hour (no checks just the video monitor). My LO did hold a grudge though and became a panicky mess before bed time for about a week after we tried it. Not to be a downer but just to give perspective from a failure.
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thanks everyone for your imput! our plan right now is to try again on friday without checks and i am going to leave the house and dh is going to stay home with him. hopefully it won't be so brutal next time!
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Sorry but an hour is way too long at 5 months.
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@whenoceansrise: just seeing this now, but I had a very similar experience to @SweetiePie: when we did Ferber with checks using the timing for checks outlined in his book. DH did the checks the first two nights while I walked the dog, but we often didn't make it to the second "level" of checks, so to speak bc we were pretty strict about what the full-on crying was. if there was a break, he calmed down, or he was just whimpering, we restarted the timer. (DH was using the timer on his iphone.) You might find it helpful to read over the Ferber book - DH and I are huge nerds but we legit had the book out and were referring to it the first night to make sure we were "doing it right" ha! It took three nights, never more than 45 minutes total (most of the intervals were shorter than a check, if that makes sense).
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@whenoceansrise: Hang in there, and listen to your instincts! I think it helps too to reiterate what you're looking to accommplish, so when you're in the thick of it, you can remind yourself what you're trying to help him accomplish. And if you try it and just feel like neither of you are ready, then wait and try again later! There is no right or wrong... Some people find success sticking to methods to a T, while others find success tweaking them to their own needs, or making it a more gentle approach.
For a while, I was considering doing pick up/put down which is said to be the most gentle since you're responding to them, but it does take longer/more work. In the end I just decided we're not at that point yet so we're gonna wait.
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@jape14: thank you! I will definitely take that into consideration when we try again!
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Hang in there! I used to beat myself up when we tried CIO and I would "give in" because I felt like all her crying was for nothing. But you have to follow your instincts as a mama. Sleep is so hard. I hope it gets better soon!
I don't think our guy was emotional ready until later
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