Hellobee Boards

I go through spouts ... I’ll not care and then gain 10lbs, then go on WW to lose the 10lbs, then stop and gain it back. Repeat. I’ve recently started intermittent fasting though and am loving it. It is the easiest laziest “diet” I’ve even been on but doesn’t really feel like a diet. I really don’t think of food or calories or my weight nearly as much. I can actually see this being a long term way of life whereas WW was always a temporary thing for me.

I am super conscious of not putting myself down especially in front of my two girls. I don’t want them to see me not eating during intermittent fasting so on the weekends I loosen my fasting window so they don’t think that I’m not eating.

For me to maintain or lose weight I have to become somewhat obsessive over it. While I was pregnant I let that go and obviously my weight ballooned with each pregnancy.

@charm55: I'm the same way.

When I'm trying to lose weight (or really maintain), I think about it a LOT. I weigh myself daily and think about it during every meal choice. But then I'll go through spurts where I stop thinking about it all the time and that's when I gain 10 lbs and have to go back to being obsessive to lose the extra pounds.

I do try not to talk about it in front of my kids though. I talk about eating healthy foods to fuel our bodies and be strong, but I don't label anything as "good" or "bad" foods in front of them, and I don't talk about my weight or really weigh myself in front of them unless we're all doing it just for fun.

I’m another multiple times a day person. I am overweight by like 20 lbs and struggle with that a lot, but even when I wasn’t overweight I always thought I was ha! I do think it was partially my mom and grandma because they constantly said things like you mentioned growing up and still do now. I am very conscious about not doing this in front of my sons and will really try not to impart body image stuff on them as they get older. I also work in a fitness adjacent industry so I’m surrounded by diet and exercise nonsense all the time from my clients and coworkers. I never feel like I’m doing enough and compare myself to others all the time.

This month I’ve been a little more focused on weight because I decided to take more control over my eating (not buying ANY junk, mindful of portions, less carbs in all my meals, eating a proper high protein breakfast, etc) because I’ve been just letting things be a free for all since our first son was born 4 years ago. I’m also seeing some medical practitioners to get a better plan to manage my PCOS since I think that’s a factor too and I’ve been putting it off forever.

Bottom line, it sucks, it’s exhausting and I’m tired of it. Hopefully by being more conscious and seeing some results, that will lessen but I’m not sure.

@erinbaderin: this is me, including the mother stuff. It makes me crazy now as an adult because I see how much it screwed up my relationship with food and my body. I actually asked her to stop saying things in front of my daughter citing that I was worried about her developing an eating disorder someday because her personality lends itself that way. She makes the comments you mentioned about her own eating constantly - with my daughter (who is normal to thin right now) she talks too much about her size “oh you’re so thin I wish I looked like that” and all kinds of related comments. She sees this as a compliment but I see the damage that kind of thinking can do in the future. Clearly I could write a novel about this! I am trying so hard to focus on only talking about making good choices to be strong and healthy, but my inner monologue is a disaster.

I rarely think about it, but I do try to eat healthy. I don't own a scale. I think that helps me to not obsess over a number. As long as most of my clothes fit and look okay, I'm good to go.

I'd really like to be exercising more because then I feel so much better, but I recognize I'm just in a stage of my life where there isn't time.

My mom polices everything she eats, and to this day, I can't eat ice cream without hearing her voice in my head, "You're going to get fat." Because she said it every time. I've seen the effects of that attitude on my sisters, and I'm adamant that I will not do it to my daughters. So, there may be a little more of me to love, but I'm going to model body acceptance for them.

Too much time--I'm 20-30lbs heavier after having kids and I hate it, though since I'm still nursing I'm not willing to make major dietary changes (though I try to focus on healthy eating) and don't have time to go the gym everyday. But, I really try to keep it from my daughters because I think it's such a pernicious frame of mind. I really try to talk about food with them in terms of how healthy it is, like fruit and veggies and protein are healthy "growing foods" whereas snacks and treats are only good in small amounts. I try not to say anything negative about my body in front of them. Relatedly, I've actually stopped wearing make up as much as I used to because I was seeing how my daughter would watch me, and I don't want her to think you need make up

All day every day. It's mentally exhausting. I gained 30 pounds during pregnancies and struggle mightily with getting rid of it. It's never ending frustration. I do not talk about it in front of the girls, though.

Rarely ever do I think about my actual, numerical weight, but if my clothes aren't fitting right or I feel blah I notice. I have always been pretty thin and don't police my food, which I actually think helps me maintain because I never feel the urge to go crazy with "bad" food. I know a lot is luck and genetics, but I definitely gained weight the times in my life that I worried about it and tried to change it. I worry a lot about what weight obsession and discussions could do to my girls and try to encourage them to choose food that will "help them grow big and strong" without discouraging them from eating treats here and there just because they're fatty/high calorie. It's so hard to help them maintain a healthy relationship with food as they grow older but it sounds like everyone here is doing a fantastic job.

@bhbee: oh man, that sucks. My mom is great in this area--better than me. I sometimes compare my two kiddos, totally by accident. But my younger one is a lot more stout than my older one, so they are almost the same size even though they are 2 years apart. So I'll just make comments like "Well, you are both size 5 now, so your pajamas both say 5 in them", when we are trying to figure out whose pajamas are who.

She always remind me that even if I don't mean it in a comparison way, my younger one might start interpreting it negatively as they get older---especially if she one day outgrows her older sister. My mom was the younger, "bigger" sister as a kid, and I guess she was very self conscious about it.

I don't really know the right way to do body positivity--I'm pretty matter of fact about these things. I don't want either girl to be ashamed of their natural body type, so I also don't want to hide it or act like it IS shameful that they have different body shapes. I just want them to be happy they have healthy, working bodies. I don't always know how to get that across though. I literally say that type of stuff out loud, but I don't know if that's enough.

@LCTBQE: here is some real crazy for you. A couple weeks back I posted a pic (to our iPhone family share album) of my son holding my 5mo on the floor. I guess it was the first time her legs had been showing in a while. I posted it because it was a cute pose ... my mom’s only comment was “she’s going to hate that picture of her thighs when she’s older”. I about lost my shit. Yes her thighs are chunky because SHE IS A BABY. And the implication that she would be body shaming her baby self is just .... no words.

@erinbaderin: I think about it way too much also and have those SAME conversations in my head about the gym and calories, etc. As I'm nearing 40, its getting better though. I'm becoming more accepting of my body as it is and am finally come to terms with reality that my 20 year old skinniness is never coming back.

What also seems to help is the recent push on social media (or some of the people I follow anyways) about not trying to live up to society standards of beauty and be more accepting of oneself and not trying to change it all the time.

I don’t as long as I’m within 5 lbs of my ‘ideal’ weight. Which is the amount I weighed when I got pregnant with DD- it took me years to get back there. For me it’s more about fitting in my clothes- some are 10+ years old and if my clothes are fitting tight it means there is a problem.

Ugh I wish we didn’t all feel this way! I really didn’t think about my weight/body much before I was pregnant. I definitely went through phases of feeling worse or better about it but I was generally ok with how I looked and now looking back I think I looked so amazing and can’t believe I ever worried! Haha I’m 11 mos post partum and my clothes still don’t fit me. I’m bigger than I’ve ever been and it’s making me feel really bad but I also don’t have time to work out or eat right. And as annoying as it sounds, I’ve never had to worry much about this before so I’m kind of clueless how to lose weight and also feel so annoyed at the idea of some crazy diet so I just complain and do nothing. The worst!

@LCTBQE: Seriously, the only reason I'm able to exercise is because there is a gym directly across the street from my office, and I go during lunch. And even then, it's 3x a week max. Before this job (so for the first year+ of F's life) I never worked out, so I know if it had to be outside of work hours it wouldn't happen!

Too many times a day honestly. I've gained too much in the last few months for ? reasons. It's ridiculous really.

I quit. My first pregnancy felt like this amazing break from policing everything I put into my mouth. And i decided I didn't ever want to go back. We are here for such a short time, food is delicious, and I don't want to waste any mental or emotional energy on it.

Sure, I have lapses. But I try really hard to turn it off when it happens. I did some professional training (I'm a therapist) on intuitive eating/health at any size and it transformed how I think about food and bodies. I want my kids to be able to enjoy food regardless of what their size is.

I will be the first to admit that I hold some privilege here as I am naturally smaller and it seems to be, for some reason, easier for me to maintain that size than it is for some other people. That said, when I made this switch I gained about 10 pounds and have stayed in that spot ever since (well, when not fluctuating from pregnancy).

I don't deprive myself of foods- turns out, I don't actually want to eat cookies every day all day if I know that I can have one whenever I want it. I baked with my kids a couple of days ago- I ate 4 cookies after they came out of the oven. Didn't want any for two days, decided to have 2 this afternoon during nap. Sometimes I want salad for lunch, sometimes I want microwave nachos. If I really pay attention to my body and let go of the good food/bad food idea, I'm much more likely to enjoy my food and eat a variety of food.
I move my body when it feels good. Most days I do a short video from MommaStrong (great program if you are interested in this idea)- because it helps my back and hip not hurt, and gives me some good energy. I love going for walks, but I don't really like baby wearing for long walks (hurts my back), so I'm limited about when I can go. I enjoy yoga classes. I'm interested in trying Barre and learning to swim better- but really and truly its because I want to learn to move my body in that way. I love cross country skiing. I used to yell at myself to go faster, push harder, think about calories when I was exercising- but I retrained my brain by replacing those thoughts with ones like: this feels good, its so nice to have alone time, my legs feel strong, its a beautiful day, listen to the birds, etc.

This all falls in line with Ellyn Satter's approach, which is another resource- and how we are approaching food with our kids.

Another part of this has been addressing my own thoughts about how I should look- its changed how I think about clothing, skin care, etc.- I just generally feel like I take better care of myself because I finally feel like I'm worth taking care of, exactly as I am right now.

ETA: sorry if I sound like a smug jerk- I'm passionate about this. And I've worked with people in counseling who are naturally much larger people to support them in taking a similar approach. Its a pretty amazing feeling when you get to eat exactly what you want when you want it, without worrying about calories. Or when you move your body in the way it wants to be moved. When we listen, our bodies are pretty good at supporting us toward wellness.

After my first pregnancy I think about my weight and stomach a lot. I’m pregnant again and I am making sure I don’t gain too much weight too fast. I work out and I eat “okay” but I feel like I can do better. I love food and I don’t do the “diet thing” I just try to eat in moderation, organic clean (almost times) the best I can. I don’t weigh myself daily but now with prenatal appointments I start to get down as the weight increases. I know I should be gaining weight in pregnancy but still gets me down.

@Dahlia: I remember when I was pregnant I started putting butter on bread at restaurants for the first time in years and couldn't believe what I'd been depriving myself of. Haven't turned back (of course, I was sadly diagnosed with Celiac disease a few years ago so I don't get to enjoy warm crusty bread with butter anymore- but man. Bread without butter is just no way to live.)