Hellobee Boards

For some reason I thought we were talking about 3 years olds. 20 month olds- no way! @mrsads: I would be the other parent quietly going to the director suggesting fresh fruit alternatives if they insist on a summer time treat. Orange slices and watermelon is refreshing.

I didn't realize that pizza was considered unhealthy! I feel like unless it's like, Dominos or something, that it's no different than lasagna or ravioli??

@kpc324: I often think this too! It's carb, cheese and sauce. My son even likes it with veggies (he likes mushrooms and olives and peppers). He also likes pepperoni which I sometimes feel bad about but 1) it's not all the time and 2) there are too many other things to feel guilty about in this world and giving my son pepperoni on his pizza every other week isn't one of them. (And I'm pretty sure daycare pizza would be plain cheese anyway).

@kpc324: I also agree! Depends on the brand.

@kpc324: I don't think all pizza is equal. Tomato sauce has a lot of sugar in it. Depending on the dough like Pizza Hut pan pizza it can be pretty greasy. When I serve pasta its whole wheat with chopped tomatoes instead of sauce. Pizza would not be akin to pasta (at home at least).

@gingerbebe: I agree with you. Pizza isn't the worst meal a kid can have. I give my kid yogurt almost every day and don't think twice about it. Ice cream once a week is no big deal to me.

I don't think it's all just about the nutrition, it's about associating food with special events. It's really difficult for people to celebrate without food...why is that?

At my son's school, food is not allowed for parties. You can't bring in cupcakes for a birthday, you can't bring in candy to distribute on Valentines Day. Personally, I think it's the way to go, if you want to mark an occasion, do a craft, come in and read a book. Take the kids on a nature walk outside. Don't do it with food.

I am going to go against the popular opinion here and say that I don't think it's a big deal at all. I would have zero issue with my kid having pizza and ice cream once a week at school. I think that it sounds like a fun end of the week summer treat.

I do think that it is sometimes hard to give up having control of everything your kid eats. But, unless you are with them 24/7, they are going to get stuff that you don't always approve of. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

(And I hope none of this comes off as mean because I don't intend for it to be and obviously this is just my opinion )

@MrsADS: What were you hoping for as an outcome? They have your concerns on record, maybe if some other parents also talk to them they might reconsider. Personally I would be fine with this for my kids and I would be a little annoyed if they cancelled it because some parents didn't want their kids to participate. If you don't want your son to have ice cream send something else, although I agree with the people who have pointed out that vanilla yogurt isn't that much healthier. He's young enough that I suspect he won't feel left out, just excited to have a treat. I also think that it's not really going to create a link between treats and special events, I imagine they're just going to present it as the Friday snack, right?

Yeah, I truly don't understand why this is a problem. Let kids be kids.

@gingerbebe: This is a good point. Most fruit/veggie pouches have 9-11 grams of sugar too!

@gingerbebe: You are going to think I'm really crazy, but I actually don't give my kids any flavored/sweetened yogurts of any kind for that reason. I didn't let my oldest have a cereal bar or granola bar until she was 3.5, just because I think they are basically desserts marketed as meals. Haha

Weekly seems a bit much for that age, and I'm very lax about giving my kids treats! I also love ice cream, and I'd feel like at that age getting it weekly at school then I wouldn't be able to take her for ice cream on weekends, too!

@gingerbebe:
" I enjoy having food related fun with my kid and love watching him enjoy food. And I hope he grows up enjoying the process of sharing a good meal with friends and family and discovering different cultures and places through the cuisine "

BRAVO bravo thank you for voicing exactly what I feel but couldn't articulate yet

@gingerbebe: But why is it that we have to accept it, that we have a food centered culture...and it's not healthy foods, if we are really being honest. It is one thing to say that you want to share a meal with friends, and I do believe that's a good thing, but on the other hand, not every celebration needs to be around food.

As an example, we're hosting a kindergarten orientation in a few weeks. The biggest topic of discussion has been around what we're serving to the kids at the playground meet and greet. For real? They will have had breakfast before they come, the event is over before lunch. Why is it on the host to always provide food? And it has to meet allergy friendliness, can't exclude anyone, has to be easy to eat, neat, etc.

Are we really saying that the kids are going to bond over eating a piece of watermelon served on the playground? Sure, it's a nice to have, it shows hospitality, but it can also be skipped.

@looch: I agree with you about food being pushed on people as a way to celebrate, and as Americans we are fixated on celebrating, so it becomes an everyday thing. My son's birthday was last friday and we've had so many treats since then that it is ridiculous and I feel treat hungover. I think the reason why people are reacting so strongly to this is because, as everyone knows, it is such a delicate balance in trying to pick your battles with other caregivers (schools, grandparents, nannies), and at some point, it is like, if you are micromanaging from afar, you will do one of a few things 1) erode your relationship with your care providers by undermining the trust relationship 2)set your kid up for unrealistic expectations about how life will unfold to make no complexity for him/her, no other parenting/teaching style but your own and 3)possibly erode the trust your child has in his/her experience at school as mommy/daddy is constantly calling to undermine the school's authority. I was on a playground this week and heard a child say "My teacher got fired because of my mommy. They told her she had one week to pack her stuff and go." It really disturbed me that the relationship between teachers and parents is so stressed and fragile that even kids could be picking up on the tension. Clearly I'm reading too much into this post, but just to round it out, I don't think the people saying "let it go" are saying that because the ice cream is a wonderful thing, just because there's also the second goal of trying to get along with people and model the behavior we want to see in other people, rather than try to get that behavior through complaining, endless emails, etc. And everyone draws that line differently. For example, I let my kid have ice cream at school every Friday. I wouldn't dream of picking him up before 3:30 and messing that up! At the same time, I also have put "we respectfully request no gifts" on every invitation I've ever sent out for my kids' birthday parties, and I aggressively tell the grandparents that I will take no more than three gifts home. Some people would definitely tell me I'm being over the top by doing that, but it is just a line we all draw depending on our values.

@Mrs. Sketchbook: You don't think that's a big jump? To say that a mom letting her daycare know that her 20 month old won't be partaking in the every Friday ice cream is a slippery slope to " 1) erode your relationship with your care providers by undermining the trust relationship 2)set your kid up for unrealistic expectations about how life will unfold to make no complexity for him/her, no other parenting/teaching style but your own and 3)possibly erode the trust your child has in his/her experience at school as mommy/daddy is constantly calling to undermine the school's authority. "

I mean, if parents making common parenting choices for their 20 month olds and telling their caregivers those choices is a superhighway to eroding your child's trust in their schooling experience, wouldn't we all throw up our hands and let the caregivers/grandparents/schools make ALL decisions for us? Like hey, I wanted to BF and pump, but the daycare says formula is more convenient. I don't want to erode my child's relationship.....I'll just let them do it their way.

For me, there is scaffolding in almost everything child-parent related. Choosing a week's worth of foods is not something we have our 20 month olds do. Parents decide the WHAT and the WHEN, and the kid decides the HOW MUCH, right? I don't serve my child ice cream 7x a week and expect them to manage their nutrition on their own. Just like I don't push my 20 month old out the door and tell them to find their own way to daycare.

We scaffold the skills. Right now, my kids are young, and I decide what they eat and when--they decide how much. When they are older, I expect some of that will shift and they will also get more of a say in the "what" and the "when" (like when they can help cook). And one day, they will be able to walk to school by themselves. KWIM?

The original question was--is it out of line for the PP to express that she doesn't want her child having ice cream every Friday? I think that's totally appropriate for a parent to make that decision, and that it's not at all controlling for her to request that. As you said, every parent has their things.

Even in middle school, I am open to communication and suggestions from parents. Any teacher worth their salt should be.

@Anagram: I agree with so many of the points you made! Individual or weekly treats aren't where the harms lays, but for me the damage is in tying all celebrations to (often unhealthy) food rewards, and beginning that programming at such a young age. This happened to me and I was fine as a kid because I had a high metabolism and was very active, but I now struggle as an adult to control my weight and not feel "deprived" (which truly I am not but the feeling is there) when I skip out on treats for my health.

The idea isn't "no fun foods, ever RAWR!" but instead that there are non-caloric ways to celebrate and have fun.

@Anagram: My post to Looch was mostly about explaining why anyone on this thread would come out in support of ice cream....not because it is great to have ice cream every day, but because when we pick care for our kids, we also sort of sign up for negotiating, compromising, and picking our battles with regards to every decision they make. When I started sending my kid to full time care it became apparent to me that I would have to choose my battles. They do a sticker chart...I don't believe in sticker charts. They do ice cream...not my preference. They do negative reinforcement...not my preference. I have emailed them once because of a discipline issue that really irked me (taking stickers for thumb sucking). I even took my kid out of a (different) school because of their discipline practices. I do think at some point that once you put your kid into someone else's care (grandparents, etc.) that you have to choose your battles based off your values, and that if you don't do that, you could drive yourself crazy trying to micromanage something that is at least a little bit outside of your control. I feel like in my post I mentioned that I am sort of irrationally crazy about too many toys with the grandparents as a way of showing that we all have our "absolutely nots," and the OP just has to decide if this is her "absolutely not." At the end of the day, the only real choices we have are to accept the school, or find a new one. We can voice our opinion, but you can never control how that message is taken by the teachers, unfortunately.
I'm glad you are the type of teacher who is open to parent feedback, and I believe all teachers should be!

@Mrs. Sketchbook: yeah, so what I would do is just tell the teachers, LO can have it every other week at most. Or maybe just never, because I want to give some other treat at home. And I wouldn't sent anything special in addition (just a regular snack) and I would see how that goes.

My kids both were MSPI and couldn't have dairy or soy (until after 2 for LO1.....around 18 months for LO2), and so LO1 could rarely eat any of the special treats. She honestly didn't miss that stuff, because she'd never had it. But the adults in the situation--the teachers--were always very concerned that she was "missing out", and would kind of pressure me to send some other dairy free sugary item. And I did a couple of times and then I decided I wasn't going to anymore. I sent her regular stuff--like grapes, and applesauce, and pouches, and pea snacks. And LO was fine with it.

It seemed like the adults had a harder time with it than the kid in question.