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Why not get a normal, live out nanny?

@bluestriped bee: ah, well we found a home daycare to be a way more sanity saving (and cheaper) solution than an au pair. A nanny share was also more affordable.

I have never had grandma care OR an au pair, but I imagine the au pair is less annoying in terms of the problems you had with grandma. She would have her own space, which would be huge. But the biggest thing is you are paying her to do a job the way you want it done. She can't say, oh I did this for my kids and it was fine- she has to do it yor way because you are her employer. And I would hope you would be friendly with each other and she would start to feel like family, but she wouldn't come with the baggage that family tends to bring. I love my mil and get along well with her, but she was here for five days and I was almost ready for her to go

I have also heard that an au pair can be more cost effective than a nanny or most day care when you have two babies. I think a nanny share would be tough to find with twin babies.

My sister has au pair and it works for them because the kids are in school and she needs random hours from the au pair. Her au pair is international and her first one spent a lot of time with my sister's family because she didn't know anyone (and that was not necessarily a bonus for my sister!) her second one has sort of done her own thing.

Au pair can only work 40 hours a week so that is something to consider.

My current nanny was an au pair, and one of my best friends originally came to the US from the au pair. It's really sold as "cultural exchange" and not just childcare, so you really are expected to invite them on your holidays and trips unless they make their own plans to go elsewhere.

Also, typically you have to add them to your car insurance, make sure they have a vehicle to drive (if you are in a driving area), pay for a cell phone for them, plus have a room that is set up for tv. And of course, you are feeding them 3 meals a day and snacks. So factor all of that in when you are considering costs. And sometimes there might be cultural differences--like one of my coworkers had an au pair who was very sweet from Brazil. Coworker's family is somewhat conservative. They all went on an extended family beach vacation and the women planned a spa day, with the dad to take the kids to the beach. The au pair went to the beach with the kids and dads. Then the wives got an SOS because the nanny came out wearing a thong and string bikini, and none of the dads knew what to do because they were uncomfortable. hahaha

I think having an au pair can be great, but it might not be the best option for saving money over all. My friend who was an au pair really liked it, and stayed with the same family 2 years. My current nanny had a less fun experience.