In my culture having a baby shower for every pregnancy is acceptable. We feel every child should be celebrated. My sister is expecting her second and I want to plan a baby shower for her and she is okay with it. However, we both married into families of a different culture than ours. So I don't know if I should invite my sister's inlaws and their extended family. I don't want to offend anyone or make them feel obligated to come. I guess the reason why I'm questioning this is because I recall my MIL receiving an invite to a sprinkle once and she thought it was ridiculous and was annoyed by it. So what do you think? Would you be offended and thinks it's tacky if you received an invite for a second baby shower?
-
Oh this is tricky! I would probably say something in the invite like what you just said.. "in X culture, we believe every pregnancy is one to celebrate!" - but maybe emphasize NO gifts and don't include a registry link? I think that's why people tend to think of second showers as "tacky" - the intent of the first is to gift the mom with all the new stuff she doesn't have. Usually a second-time mom doesn't need much.
-
I wouldn't be offended, but I might think it was a bit tacky if it was supposed to be a huge blowout shower. I do think that every baby needs to be celebrated, but where I'm from, you either don't have a party for the second baby or it is very small, like a sprinkle.
-
I agree with @JoJoGirl. I would definitely invite the in-laws, because I think it might be rude not to, but definitely stress that the point is just to celebrate the new baby and NOT to give gifts.
-
@JoJoGirl: @Adira: I agree with emphasizing celebrating every baby, but it does sound like presents will be welcome, so I don't know about emphasizing no gifts? Then people who don't bring one will feel awkward?
My in-laws celebrate every baby, and definitely still give gifts at those "sprinkles", just less than with the first. We are requesting diapers/wipes only for ours to get point across that it isn't a big thing.
-
I wouldn't be offended and I don't think its tacky. You should definitely invite them, they're family! Also, they are grown adults and can decide for themselves if they want to come/bring a gift. Plan something your sister will like & don't worry about other people's reactions.
-
@JoJoGirl: That's a good idea. Thanks.
-
@runnerd: Maybe if she just doesn't mention gifts at all on the invite. Then those that want to bring gifts will ask for registry information. Others might ask if they need to bring a gift and she can just say "Gifts aren't necessary!"
-
@Mrs.Waffles: Yes, I think since they are family they should be invited. They are going to probably hear about it anyways. If they dont approve then they dont need to come.
-
What is the expectation your culture regarding gifts, though? Would half the people bring gifts?
-
@Mrs.Waffles: Can your sister's husband talk to his parents ahead of time and get a read on them? I'm also married to someone from a different culture, and we just discuss stuff ahead of time.
In his culture, a registry for a wedding or a baby is super super tacky and not ever done. People give cash in an envelope for these events. In my southern culture, a registry is always done and people are confused if you don't do one. So we had to talk to both sides and decided that we'd make a wedding registry, but tell people on his side, they were free to ignore it. Which they did. And that was fine by us.
-
@looch: Gifts are fine, basically everything goes as you would do for any baby shower, but out of respect for the other side of the family, just as previous posters have stated, there won't be an emphasis on gifts or any registry information. If someone asks about gifts I'll just say they can bring something if they wish but it's not necessary.
-
@Anagram: Yes, that's a good idea. I think I'll have her DH talk to his mom ahead of time, and maybe leaving it up to my sister's MIL to decide if she wants to invite the extended family.
-
I would include something about it being the norm in your culture. Call it a sprinkle and absolutely no mentions of gifts / registries unless someone asks.
-
Thank you all for your feedback. I think we all are in agreement that the inlaws should be invited. I definitely don't want them to feel excluded but I the same time I don't want them to feel obligated to come.
-
@Mrs.Waffles: I am going to differ with others and say don't say "in XYZ culture" on the invite. Why should you apologize for it? Instead, I'd just shoot the MIL an email mentioning that it's commonly done in your culture and you hope she can join. She can then disseminate that news among her family.
-
I would say just do it and not apologize for it. If people don't want to go or want to send a smaller gift, so be it.
-
I think if it's important to you/her that everyone feels included and genuinely excited, I would tailor the event differently. I might frame it as a family party to celebrate her new arrival and suggest no gifts or something small like a book to build baby 2's library. I think a note about family culture is awkward and makes one side feel "other".
Reply
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
17 comments