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persimmon / 1132 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: Yes, I agree they should make me get a mammogram and u/s. Hopefully today! Foolish maybe for me to think about finances right at the moment, but it's just in time before my yearly deductible resets.
nectarine / 2192 posts
@Amorini: that stinks! I had my ultrasound in December when I had met my deductible, and pressed the radiologist to make sure I didn't need anything else. Then after my deductible reset, I had to pay for the biopsy- $3000. I was so angry, since I would have paid much less if they had done it then instead of waiting.
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@Amorini: Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear about the lump you felt. I am praying its nothing. My mom always has to get repeat mammograms because they think they see or feel something and its just dense breasts. I'm hoping your lump has a very simple silly explanation. And that it doesn't interfere with your FET.
@AmeliaBedilia: Yes, Mad Men keeps getting better. Keep watching it! And best of luck with your beta!! Keep us updated!
@endymion4: Thanks for the colored pen(cil) suggestions!
@NorthStar: Seriously... oh the horror with 7 months trying! Yep, its tough to hear others' announcements. Or see them - there are so many newly showing pregnant girls at my church! I just do my best to be so happy for everyone. And pray that I'm joining them soon.
nectarine / 2192 posts
Beta 4, progesterone 2.73. Beta is probably the ovidrel. They want me to come for redraw tomorrow and I asked why, and they're getting back to me. On to IVF.
apricot / 365 posts
@Northstar: we have friends who have been trying for 3 months. they were so shocked it didn't happen right away
@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry Sending hugs and good thoughts your way
persimmon / 1132 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: Argh! Glad it all worked out and wasn't a serious issue in the end... even if they did bungle it financially for you.
I'm waiting at the imaging center. The mammogram is done and I'm waiting for the radiologist for the u/s. It was visible on the mammogram...
nectarine / 2192 posts
@Amorini: glad you were able to get testing so quickly! Sending prayers! Keep us Posted!
persimmon / 1132 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: Isn't it a little late to be the ovidrel? Anyway, I'm sorry it looks like this didn't work. You certainly gave those IUIs all you got!
PS: Thanks for the support!
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: I'm sorry the beta was so low. What is needed to be considered positive? Is there still a chance it will go up since they are asking you to come back tomorrow?
@Amorini: I'm so glad you were able to get into the doctor's today. Still praying that what the mammogram picked up is a big fat nothing.
nectarine / 2192 posts
@agold: they called back, apparently anything under 1 is negative. They didn't push the repeat lab. If he thought it was likely, he would have added progesterone.
I'm not sure when suppression will start. My first monitoring appointment will be 12/18. Any helpful things I can do now? I'm going to try to do better about meditation and cut out sugar. I've contactedy acupuncturist for recommendations. I've been doing circle and bloom natural cycle meditations which are decent. Has anyone tried their IVF one or the Zita West one? Any other ideas? Doing something helps me feel a little better.
persimmon / 1132 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: I am doing the Circle and Bloom meditations for (IUI and) IVF. I have nothing to compare it to, but I like doing something. I can't think of anything else that you aren't already doing! Wishing you so much luck with this next step.
AFM, my boobs are all clear on the malignant front. Just cysts and more than one although I can only feel one. I don't need to have them aspirated unless I want to (if they are causing pain or discomfort), which is kind of befuddling. I'm inclined to leave them as they are, unless they start hurting. WWYD?
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@Amorini: That is such fantastic news! So they are just annoying little cysts. That's totally something you can deal with. I wonder if the IVF meds caused them to appear? If they aren't causing you an issue, I'd let my rest at ease with news that they aren't problematic and just leave them alone for the time being and get back to focusing all positive energy on the FET.
@AmeliaBedilia: If under 1 is negative, then what the heck is 5? That's so horrible. My RE has only ever told me that my beta was negative, I've never asked for numbers. As for prepping for IVF, I have only just taken vitamins, cut back (or cut out) alcohol, and tried to eat a good diet. I really trust and rely on my RE and he doesn't suggest anything much else. Get on your husband to make sure he has good healthy sperm. Otherwise, be positive!
pear / 1986 posts
@Amorini: oh, I am so glad to hear this wonderful news!! I'd be interested in what your RE thinks about the cysts in relation to your IVF meds.
@AmeliaBedilia: I'm really sorry this IUI wasn't the one . As far as prep for IVF, I agree about eating well, exercise, lots of sleep & water.
@agold: wishing all the best for you tomorrow!!! So excited for you!
Sorry these are so short, I am on my phone !
persimmon / 1132 posts
@agold: Yeah, right? No more distractions from my FET!
@GreenThumb: I'm going to ask. I've been way too overly cyst-y since the end of stims for this to not have something to do with IVF meds. Incidentally, the u/s tech said I was "so young" and had dense breasts. You had me at "so young"!
pear / 1986 posts
@Amorini: Heck yeah! When I had my mammo last week I was definitely the "youngest" in the waiting room by far ! So glad again that everything turned out to be harmless!
pear / 1881 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: I just saw this - I'm SO sorry that you have to move onto IVF. I would cut out alcohol, sugar, and maybe limit grains? My acupuncturist said to cut out sugar, grains and low fat dairy and I tried, but I wasn't perfect. It's too hard!
@Amorini: YAY for a clean mammogram! Thank goodness. whew! You must be having a big sigh of relief..
@agold: Good luck tomorrow! How nice to have it on a Friday so that you have the weekend to relax
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@GreenThumb: Thank you so very much for the well wishes!
@Amorini: And yes... seriously, though. IVF and FET are such a huge expensive deal that any distractions - work or otherwise - are like HUGE distractions. I only felt comfortable about this all once I committed to making my IVF efforts 100% top priority. (Oops.. but why did I slip and sip some wine the other night with some girlfriends?! :silly:) And dense breasts! That's exactly what my mom has. It always gives her unnecessary trouble and worries.
@endymion4: I take Garden of Life vitamins. I think its called Oceans or something. I take the prenatal and the DHA - two separate bottles. I've sometimes taken Rainbow Lite also. Still needed a separate DHA though.
@NorthStar: Thank you so much! And yes. I think the Friday scheduling is nice. I was able to pick whichever day I wanted to have this FET done on. I elected the day that caused the least interference with work. I planned only to take the weekend for bed rest and then just sit at my work desk with minimal movement the next two days. Now my work on Monday has me walking all over the place! Just my luck!
kiwi / 538 posts
@Amorini: So relieved that everything is clear :). On to wonderful FET prep!!
@agold: Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow! Enjoy all of your rest this weekend.
@AmeliaBedilia: Mad Men is the best! Don't give up- it definitely gets better.
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@dookie32: Thank you so much! I'm getting excited. I just want to leave work and go to sleep now so it can be tomorrow already. I'm planning to decorate for Christmas tonight. (was going to do it last night, but the SB shooting put a somber mood in my home.) So anyhow, trying to be as happy as I can be!
@Mrs. Pinky: How are you doing today? Do you still have a beta scheduled for tomorrow? I hope the spotting has stopped.
persimmon / 1132 posts
@agold: GOOD LUCK! I will be thinking sticky thoughts for you all day. Hope your embies are ready to hunker down and ready to grow in their new home!
@dookie32: @NorthStar: Thanks, ladies. Let that be the end of the cyst craziness.
cherry / 120 posts
@agold: good luck today!!! Sending tons of sticky vibes!!
@ameliabedilia: sorry about the low beta
@endymion4: I take the nature brand and get a gigantic bottle from Costco but have to take it at bedtime because it makes me nauseous. Curious what others take too.
@amornini: great news!
Had my beta this morning...still not feeling that it's positive. Hopefully I can talk next steps with my nurse and at least get my meds ordered this year since we've met our OPM. Hope everyone has a good weekend
Eta: writing on my phone is hard!!
nectarine / 2192 posts
@agold: Good luck!
AF starting, nothing going right today. I'm grateful for you ladies who understand.
cherry / 120 posts
Negative beta. Was so hoping to add some good news to the thread but not so much. Trying to decide to use my frozen embryos (2) or try another IVF cycle...I'm turning 34 in 6 months. Either way I want to get started again right away.
persimmon / 1132 posts
@Mrs. Pinky: So sorry. Rest assured, you are young and there is time! Statistics aren't everything. Good luck in deciding what path is right for you.
@AmeliaBedilia: Sorry about AF. Hope your Friday gets better or at least turns into a good weekend.
@agold: How did it go? How are you feeling? Did you get pictures of your embies?
pear / 1986 posts
@Mrs. Pinky: I'm really so sorry to hear about your beta. Wishing you the best of luck for the next cycle whenever you are ready.
@AmeliaBedilia: I hate those days! Wishing you a much better weekend. I've been curious about the Circle and Bloom meditations… I think I might try the IVF one. I agree, it feels good to try and do something.
@agold: I hope everything went great today and you have a restful weekend!! Come on sticky babies!!
grapefruit / 4045 posts
Hi girls! I will catch up on a bit. I'm sitting in the car after my FET while my husband is getting me some food. My two embryos survived the thaw and both were transferred. The doctor said they looked great, but I honestly pushed him for more specifics. He said grade B. I'm trying to feel good about that but really would have loved two exceptional grade As. So now I'm in the wait! Blood test is Dec 15.
pomegranate / 3809 posts
CD3 again. No natural miracle here. Had the fun of running around and wasting 2 hours trying to get my bloods drawn to ship to CCRM. Quest wouldn't do it cause they said they had no way to charge me for the draw since their lab wasn't running it. So there went my plan to get a quick draw at opening and get to work on time. We ended up going to a hospital to get it done, and of course there was confusion there about what needed to be done since it's Friday and they'd have to hold it till Monday to ship. Still not totally sure, but we'll see if it gets there.
Then of course this whole time DH is bickering at me about how I didn't call ahead to make sure they could do it, and have a plan, and then about not reading the instruction sheet. True, but I didn't really give a shit anymore... I've kind of already decided I won't be cycling there, so I really don't know why I bothered to do the bloods. I guess more of a back pocket option and not to close that door.
Not a good start to the day on top of working being insanely frustrating lately too.
And MTHFR results are in.. that's normal too. Unexplained it is.
pear / 1986 posts
@agold: So glad everything went really well today!
@PurplePumps: Ugh for all the running around today, but I don't blame you at all for not having it all figured out! You've had a ton to coordinate with the different consultations, testing, etc. Sorry that the MTHFR bloodwork didn't reveal anything, but at least it is ruled out now, right?
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@Amorini: @Mrs. Pinky: @endymion4: @AmeliaBedilia: @GreenThumb: thank you so much for your well wishes!!! I really appreciate your support! I'm PUPO! ( FYI, I hate that acronym but I'm using it anyhow! )
@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry AF started for you today. You are a strong girl and you will get through this!
@Mrs. Pinky: oh no. I'm so sorry about the negative beta. but I love that you are ready to move forward! Why wouldn't you want to try a FET with the two frozen embryos you currently have? 33 is a fine age! (Maybe I'm biased. ) but you could do the FET within the four months before you turn 34, and maybe even squeeze in another fresh cycle if heaven forbid you get to that point. You could at least be starting the fresh cycle before your birthday I bet. Best of luck whatever you do. Didn't your period already start? If so, you are already on a fresh new cycle!
@Amorini: my FET seemed to go just fine! I napped most the day. The hardest thing was that I didn't tell my sweet little mom I was doing this today and she totally knew my work schedule was off. Downside of a sweet little mom is that she will call incessantly if she thinks something is up! I did get pictures of my embryos. But I analyze the crap out of them and still am not too happy with how they look. My husband took them while I was napping and hid them from me.
@PurplePumps: wow, what a day. I'm sorry a natural miracle didn't happen for you this month. As an "unexplained infertile" girl myself, I'm always holding out hope for a natural miracle. And I hear ya on bickering husbands. Way to make a hassle of a situation worse, dude. (my husband and I can bicker with the best of them!) at least you got the blood work done and it's out of your hands now. Keep on moving forward!
pear / 1986 posts
Can I vent for a minute? I don't understand how my best friend who has been through my entire IF journey with me (and mostly an incredible support, which I am very grateful for) thinks its ok to constantly try to talk to me about whether or not she should have a #3. She already has 2 boys (who were both conceived on the first try, actually the 2nd they weren't even really trying for yet), but feels like her family isn't complete. Her DH doesn't want a 3rd, she has always been desperate for fill an emotional hole, and she thinks a 3rd will do just that. Fine, I get it, it is a issue for her. But it is too much to ask for a little sensitivity on this subject when talking to your BFF who is infertile?! I am always nice about it, but quickly change the subject. I don't really want to say something to her about it because she is so sensitive (but somehow not about THIS issue for ME), that I feel like I will really hurt her feelings (even though this is about protecting mine). Last night she was talking about how she has to go off her anti anxiety meds for at least 6 weeks before she and DH can even talk about trying, and I feel like she thinks that "struggle" is akin to IF in some way, so its ok to discuss with me. I know you can sympathize in that that I feel like I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with everything surrounding TTC and pregnancy, so this kind of discussion is a total trigger to sadness/stress/depression for me. It is tough for me to just suck it up and listen to her and be a good friend to her (offer advice, commiserate, etc) on this subject. I just want to get through the next cycle, get pregnant (ha, because its so easy) and then deal with her. But what if the IVF doesn't work? Should I just let her know that I don't really want to talk about her TTC plans? I mean, I think they should do whatever they want and I will be happy for them if they have another baby, but I don't really want to hear about every step along the way. Is that too much to ask? Is it wrong for me to ask her to curb these discussions and just let me know when she is pregnant instead? I want to be a good friend - I am usually the rock in our relationship, so it is not surprising that she wants my ear on such a big decision, but I really want/need/deserve(?) to be selfish right now.
OK, thanks for listening. I probably won't say anything to her, I just need to get this off my chest every now and then so I don't explode at her and my DH and mom are sick of hearing about it . I really don't need this stress right now…
nectarine / 2192 posts
@GreenThumb: Hug! That would be hard. She probably doesn't get how Insensitive she is being. There is nothing wrong with telling her in a kind way that this is too much for you. I'd say something like, " I know this is a tough topic for you and I really want it to work out in the best way possible for you. With all the IF issues I've had, it is really hard for me to talk about these issues. I want to be supportive, but this is more than I can handle. I think talking to a different friend who has been in your shoes on this would be more helpful for you. I care so much about you and want the best for you!"
I'm dealing with petty work BS- someone complained to my boss about something I did (didn't even discuss it with me or know firsthand what happened), so my boss emailed me to find out what happened. It should be fine, but still stressful. Because IF and going through IVF isn't stressful enough.
I'm still waiting to hear about meds. Typically my doc does birth control pills, then four days of estrace, then starts stims. The question is whether I have to be on anything when we want to go to Paris. Four days of estrogen is probably all my body can tolerate anyway. DH and I are contemplating booking the trip before prices go higher. I think our credit card will reimburse us if travel is cancelled due to illness. If the RE needs me on something incompatible with Travel, wouldn't he probably sign off so I could get the costs refunded?
I know I haven't even started, but I'm so scared of getting the calls with embryo updates- I worry I'll get a call they all died or something terrible. How did you all deal with this?
persimmon / 1132 posts
@AmeliaBedilia: Sorry about your work issues! Life can get so freaking overwhelming sometimes and it surely seems like IF (and your prepping for IVF) is just about all one person can reasonably handle but alas...
Hoping things work out for Paris. I might go ahead and buy those tickets if I were you. There is so much uncertainty with IVF (your brain sounds like it's already full of these uncertain possibilities, so I won't elaborate!) Anyway, your life is happening right now and so live it. It sounds reasonably possible that either the timing will work out with your meds, etc. or you could get a refund, so maybe jump in and buy or wait until an answer on Monday!
As for how to handle the post retrieval "call" and those things, I guess all of us have our own unique way of handling the crazy path we're all on. For me, I just believed (and still do) that it's all going to work out. I have my doubts on the surface and I have sad days, but deep down, I just stand tall when I await news (of procedure results, blood tests, follicle counts, you name it) and just prepare myself and expect the next words will be good news. The best news! The right news for me and us! I'm not an emotional rock but this experience is making even the most vulnerable part of me feel like even she can do freaking anything! You will definitely find your way and clearly already are! Trust your own strength and, when you need to deal with news good or bad, know that you will have all of the support and love and strength from within yourself and your faith and your family to be well, no matter what.
A slight digression, but about 10 years ago in another city, I was on a bus with a coworker in the middle of the workday. We were headed to a meeting. Across from us on the bus, a guy was arguing with someone else and flashed the gun he had hidden under his coat. He did it several times and I just froze and felt like time stood still. Talk about fear! Anyway, he got off the bus at the next stop and disappeared into a crowd. The whole thing was over and I was still frozen. My coworker and I talked about it for a long time afterwards, processing what had happened. I was so afraid it was going to happen again and found myself fearful of the littlest things.. (This mini-PTSD makes me completely heartbroken for those who have lived through massacres and wars... I didn't even hear a shot or see blood, and I was a mess!) My brain kept wanting to prepare myself for the trauma, as if trying to control the uncontrollable. Anyway, I'll never, never forget what my co-worker said during one of our talks about it... If it ever happens again, or anything like it, you'll know what to do in that moment and have what you need in that moment.
So anyway, that's a long way of saying, stay in the present and you'll know what to do when the time comes and have what you need to handle whatever is in front of you.
persimmon / 1132 posts
@GreenThumb: So, so sorry your BFF is not being sensitive to your feelings and IF experience. It's like we can kinda manage the offhand, insensitive remarks from the ones who don't know our souls and our most painful wounds, but it is just utterly unbelievable that our fertile BFFs can't be superhuman, all-knowing and completely unselfish in this case around our family-making struggles. And I don't say any of that with snark or irony. They are the ones--woman-to-woman--who should know or be able to imagine how bad we hurt! Anyway, so I just say that to let you know that you can rant and talk about it here all day long, because I totally get it.
Not that I understand every nuance to your relationship, just based on the info here, I'm with @AmeliaBedilia. I would say something to just let her know that you feel you can't authentically be a support to her on this one. She needs support but you can't give it in this case without it hurting you. You are a good friend now and you would still be a good friend but hurt less. She would be a good friend (who can see and respect your pain) and can get genuine support from someone else who has it to give.
Full disclosure: something vaguely similar happened to me. (After writing this, I'm prefacing this now to say maybe it's not similar at all, but it brings up a similar feeling...) I was your friend going through a horribly depressing break-up. During some "Eat, Pray, Love" traveling for my own healing, something horrible happened to both of us. I found out my ex had quickly gotten married to someone else (!!) and she was in a car accident. The car was totaled but she was okay, just shaken and achey. Anyway, I called her for support, innocently/ignorantly not knowing what shape she was in, and she chewed me out for reaching out to her in a time like that. Honestly, it wasn't awesome and I think she had actually been holding back on her frustration with me leaning on her for support for such a long time. So it's a complex relationship, now and then, but it was a pivot point in our relationship. And, going forward, it made me not rely on her so much for emotional support. I won't go into it, and it's really not related to this particular story, but this friend doesn't know about IVF.
Anyway, I'm long-winded as usual today but I hope you can carve out some safe place in that relationship so you feel better and can still have a wonderful friendship for years to come. If you choose to let sleeping dogs lie, I totally get that and feel free to rant on here all you want!!!
persimmon / 1132 posts
So I have a mini-IF inspiration story happening to me. Well, it's in the making so we'll see.
I work in a two-person satellite office that struggled financially until I was brought on 6 months ago. (Of course it's me right? Oh and the economy! )
So at work on Friday, my boss and office director told me he resigned. He had been having issues with the main office but it was really a shock. The reality is that the main office could choose to shut us down now. Or they could choose to keep me and make me director. Or the whole thing could blow over on Monday and my boss could be back to work, having worked out his issues over the weekend. All are real and possible!
Here's the IF inspiration: I feel totally fine. Like a strong ship on rocky seas with my eyes fixed on the horizon.
Maybe that doesn't sound amazing because you don't know the pre-IVF me, but it feels amazing to just have grown strong through all of this effed up IF stuff! Like who would have thought this could happen in such a sucky time in life?!
With all of the chaos of the past six months, all of the things I thought I could control that I now realize I can't....DH's severely challenged sperm we found out about at my age 39....my physical obstacles, OHSS, the twisting ovaries, scary breast lumps...the rare IVF risks I never much thought about....the sadness, fear, raging emotions about things that have tested our marriage and that we still not sure how we'll make our babies....these are real things to stress about in this life! So now I just can't see how the work drama is really a thing worth losing sleep over.
The best thing will happen. I don't need to worry about stuff I can't control. Ah! That's a nice change for me.
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@GreenThumb: I'm so sorry your friend is talking so much about her "problems" of whether or not to have a third baby. I've been dealing with something similar with my girlfriend who tried so hard for 7 months to get pregnant with her second. I like ameliabedelia's suggested response. Your girlfriend likely isn't being mean spirited. Just dumb at worst. Give her the whole "it's not you, it's me" speech. Blame it on your self and she should be fine. I'm praying that you end up pregnant the same time as her! then all of this can just be in the past.
@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry you are fearing the unpleasantries of IVF. Maybe being on this IVF thread before you needed it had done you more harm than good. I never even knew about the upsetting triggers of IVF until they actually happened to me. Maybe i just remained as blissfully ignorant as I possibly could. You know the old saying, "don't borrow trouble". That really is true. Don't worry about things until you need to. Truly almost all of this is out of our control. Trust your doctor, take your meds, and what more can you do? If the time comes and you get bad news, cry for a bit and move on. There is always something to be happy and grateful about. You have a good egg count, a good fertilization report, the money to even try IVF and go to Paris at the same time(!!!), a good husband who you love and are happy with. You will always have something to be happy about.
cherry / 107 posts
@GreenThumb: Ugh, I'm so sorry. It really sucks when those who you'd normally turn to for support make things worse. My BFF was like that. Still is a little, but its much better now. She had two kids, the first accidentally the second within a few months of trying. She knew how much and how long we'd been struggling TTC, and her own sister is permanently infertile! She would say things like, 'if its meant to be' and always bring up pregnancies and kids of people we used to know years ago min school. It happened EVERY time we spoke. I asked her to be sensitive and not talk about pregnancies to me a million times in a million different ways to no avail. It was just what her life revolved around (she had her first at 19) Finally one day she brought up some guy we knew in high school knocking up 3rd woman, while the second was still pregnant. I snapped! In a lovely snide tone I said something to the effect of, 'that's nice, we just found out DH doesn't make any sperm and there's a good chance we can never have kids of our own no matter what we try, so the three surgeries and 7 months of medical menopause I just had were likely for nothing and gave her a nasty glare.' That shut her up quickly. It was the only thing that worked. She still slips up occasionally, but shes been much, much, more sensitive since then. Sometimes if nice doesn't work then being uncharacteristically blunt will get the point across. My two cents.
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