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In my family everyone would be responsible for their own flights, barring extreme circumstances or the flight being a gift

Our inlaws visit us twice a year - they are 15 hours driving time away. They pay their way to our house and stay with us. When we drove to visit them, we used FIL's hotel points for lodging but we paid for everything else and we paid when we flew before we had our boys. I am not expecting them to pay our way when we visit them again. If they still have hotel points, we may use them to stay somewhere overnight if we drive. We aren't planning to visit them for at least another year though.

Our parents/in-laws don't live so far away that a flight would be involved, but if it were, everyone would pay their own way. It's a long drive to see family sometimes, and whoever makes the drive pays their own gas and expenses. I wouldn't pay for someone to fly out to see me unless it was really important to me that they do it (and then I'd probably just insist they always come to us so I wouldn't have to travel to them!).

Travel costs, to and fro, is on the traveler. We have paid for hotel once MIL has arrived if we didn't have enough room at our house.

Everyone pays their own way. We have gifted our parents flights to us, but it's not often.

Our situation is that my MIL doesn't want to fly and my inlaws live a 12 hour drive from us 9 months out of the year. They know we can't afford 3 flights to them (over $1200 typically) so they pay for us to fly down to see them once a year.

They and my parents would NEVER ask that we pay for their flights. I cannot even imagine that happening.

Everyone pays their own way and I am happy with the arrangement. I like that it gives me control and I am not obligated to do what someone else says or when they want.

I also realize that this is because we have the means to pay our own way. As do my inlaws to come and visit once a year. My parents are on a fixed income, but they prioritize this kind of thing and make it happen (at least for now while they are fit to travel). It may not always be this way though, and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Everyone pays their own way. I have a feeling that my MIL will be stepping up to the whole having us pay in the future. She's just the type to do that. We see them once a year. They make very little effort to speak or develop relationships with our kids (their only grandchildren), so her asking us to pay would annoy me, but doesn't surprise me.

My MIL used to live cross-country and when we went to see her she would almost always pay for our flights. She would definitely always pay for her flights to come see us. That’s her style (re: gifting) but she’s also in a very comfortable financial position with no desire to hoard money so she helps by paying where she can and that makes a huge difference.

My FIL and SMIL have 1 home near us and a home in NC. They ask us to come to NC to visit and don’t offer to pay for our flights; we always pay our own way. They would never expect us to pay for their flights up here though.

In laws are a very expensive flight away. About $1,000 for 2 adults and a lap child for our summer trip, and double that for Christmas (every other year). Lap child is about to turn 2 so that cost is going to go up quite a bit. We can afford it, but dropping $3k annually to go see them is not my idea of a good time. They are on a fixed income so we would not dream of asking them to pay. We have paid for them to come see us before, but because it's so infrequent (only every few years at the most), they usually pay. If we end up having lo #2 the costs will basically double for us and I am not sure what we'll do. We can afford it but that is just SO MUCH MONEY to spend. It means basically no vacation or other extras. I have a feeling it will be DH going solo some.

Now with my parents, we usually fly as well, but there is a low cost direct flight (Allegiant Air) which means it's like a couple hundred dollars. Way less than the in laws. We pay our own way although my mom has paid for us a few times, which I feel bad about but she insists.

Everyone pays their own way. We paid for my mom's flight out one time because we explicitly asked her to come and help for an extended period. It was a big help to us and I was happy to book my mom's flights.

I realize not everyone is in this specific financial situation but right now with both of us working, I would gladly pay for my parents to visit instead of paying for us (4 tickets) to visit them, spending 2 weeks of my vacation days and the hassle of traveling with 2 little ones.

@Modern Daisy: if you're asking your MIL for help at specific times in the year, isn't that a good enough reason to pay for her flight out? I guess it never feels good to feel like you're being taken advantage of, but it seems like you're getting something out of it too, which is help when you need it.

Generally everyone pays their own way except that sometimes my in-laws will buy us tickets on miles to fly to see them. But it's a lot more expensive for us to see them as a family of four then for them to come see us.

@Modern Daisy: I don't think asking her to pay for you to visit her is the answer. I would just stop asking her to come when you need help, and see what happens. If she eventually complains that she hasn't seen you guys in a long time, let her know she's welcome to visit any time, but don't offer to pay for her flight. Typically in my family everyone just pays their own way when they travel. Trips are more expensive for us because we have more people, but my parents come to us more often than we go to them so total spending typically evens out in a year. However, if I asked my parents to come because we need help, I always insist on paying, they don't like letting me pay but I don't think it's fair for them to pay when I'm asking them to come because I need help.

My parents pay for everyone's flights. We are close enough to drive unless we are doing a family vacation to another destination.

We pay. It's less hassle. MIL is a procrastinator, and wants to book flights last minute, then complain it's too expensive. So we just book for her. She claims she is waiting for a good deal, but that doesn't work that way for flights anymore. Especially around Christmas! It's so annoying, and we usually turn the flight into a gift for some event (Christmas! Birthday! Mother's day!), but then she complains that we never get her a "real gift". Oh, and we fly ourselves out to see her a few times a year too.

My parents are a 9 hour drive, 1 1/2 hour flight away. Everyone pays their own way. Seems weird to expect others to pay for our trip. I would just stop offering to buy her flights and see when she decides to come out on her own. We want to visit my parents though so it doesn't seem like an obligation. My daughter and I flew down in March for a visit (she was a lap child) as we wanted to see them. I also purchased and shipped a cheap car seat and a few other items to have at their house to make it easier. We drove down at Easter with the husband and dog. My daughter and I will probably fly down once more to visit before she turns two to take advantage of her flying for free one last time! My parents come up to see us probably 4 times a year (always for her bday and Christmas and sometimes it's part of a bigger trip to NY where we used to live). I don't think anyone feels slighted, it is just part of live. They realized it is easier for them to travel to see us vs us traveling to see them with a toddler.

@MrsADS: our prices are about the same, maybe anywhere from $475-900 RT per ticket. It adds up but I feel we HAVE to do it, if I want to continue to have a close relationship for all of us.

The only time we've paid is if we have an abundance of points that we know we aren't going to use (and this has only happened twice: once for my young sister and once for my husband's mom - neither have the resources to pay for a ticket on their own).

Otherwise, we pay to go home and our family pays to visit us. The only resentment I have is paying $$$ for 3 tickets to visit family. The trips are often super busy and rushed, and family acts put-out that we don't get much individual time with them (because it's just go-go-go to see everyone). I wish they would come out to visit us more, because it would be individual time we could actually enjoy more.