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It's so hard and annoying to have people all up in your business near the end of pregnancy, and the beginning of postpartum. We had constant visitors until LO was 8 weeks old, and even though a lot of them didn't even stay with us, they were always there and so stressful!

You can say no, you know....

Ask your mom to make dinner. Doesn't sound like you can assume with her

Maybe it's because I'm a major introvert or maybe because I'm on number two possibly planning lo #3....I'm going have to say NOOOOOoooooOooooooo....Don't. Do. It.
You already seem so uncomfortable with your mom there and I'm here to tell you that after childbirth you are not going to want people in the privacy of your home. You are going to be sore. You are going to be stressed. You are going to be hormonal like you've never experienced and above all you and your husband will want that time all to your very selves. All the family should really plan to stay with you guys after you get comfortable and know what your doing because a phone call is just as helpful as a visit. You will be excited and terrified all at once and having your husband kindly tell everyone to give you space might be a good idea. Tell mom that you know she's trying to help but that you need your space and will call her asap if you need her. Good luck!

@Astro Bee: trust me when I say it will come to a head post partum. Better to have her a little upset with you now than a huge dust up when you have a new human to care for.

As a parent it will be important to set all kinds of new boundaries that you are not used to.

My philosophy is that any time you have extra people around it means work for you.

We said no visitors for the first month with our first child and while that may seem excessive, it saved me from a lot of extra work when I didn't need any more.

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable expecting my parents to cook or clean for me. If they came to my home, while DH was gone, I'd think it's just to be there because I'm super pregnant - in case of an emergency. That's helpful.

@Mrs. Jacks: @Mrs. Bum: Agree 110% with everything!

I echo others in saying that now (before you give birth) is the time to put your foot down. Set the ground rules of what you need and expect and hold fast both for the visit now and for after your baby is born. Honestly, I wouldn't feel bad about hurting people's feelings. This is your family, your new baby, and your special time that you will never ever get back. In my own experience, having ILs (or parents) stay with you when you have just given birth is AWFUL. I was so MISERABLE when my ILs arrived 10 days after my first LO was born. When pregnant with LO2, I seriously started getting stressed around 5 months pregnant when MIL was already offering to come help. I ended up having DH tell her they couldn't come until the baby was at least a month old and it was a much better experience.

I'm going to be quite honest here. You sound entitled. Yeah, you're 35 weeks pregnant, but it's not like you're an invalid. Lots of people are still doing lots of things at 35, 36, 37, etc weeks pregnant. I agree with the pp that said it sounds like she was there in case of an emergency, not to be at your beck and call.

As for after the baby, definitely do whatever you want (I loved having my parents but dreaded my inlaws' much shorter visit). Decide and let them know now so that everyone can get used to it before dealing with the emotions of having a new grandchild.

@Astro Bee: It seems like you have existing communication issues with your mom, that's making your current situation more frustrating.

My mom and my in-laws came and helped quite a bit after my LO was born (and their stays overlapped by 4 days so we had 5 adults and a baby staying all together in a 2 bedroom condo).

But, I would never ever ever in a million years leave a list of chores I wanted done for either my mom or my MIL. If I was my own mom, I would just ask her nicely to do the cat litter box (hey mom, I hate to ask you....but I'm not supposed to tough cat litter while I'm pregnant and since DH is gone...do you mind doing it?) and then nicely asking again each day when it's actually time. Same with my in-laws.

Everything else, I don't ask for and I'm just grateful if they volunteer to do anything. My MIL's forte is cooking--I don't have to ask and she will cook a lot of food. The thing is, she's going to cook her specialty foods-I have 0 say over what those foods are and when they are made. But she generally just keeps our fridge stocked with delicious curries that I can heat up for myself at any time. I'm just grateful I don't have to cook myself.

My mom's cooking is more like......buying a rotisserie chicken and shredding it and putting it on top of a salad she bought at the corner deli---again, I'm FINE WITH IT. My husband sometimes feels hungry after my mom's cooking (she's very into healthy eating), but again, I'm just grateful to not have to do it myself.

And both mothers have the habit of reorganizing my pantry--I could let these things annoy me, because it's not done to my specifications. But I just try to be thankful I don't have to organize it myself.

I guess what I'm saying is...it seems like your mother is hard to communicate with, so that's making this situation hard. But I also think your expectations are kind of high.

OMG!! We must share the same pool of mommies because that's how my mom was! She lived with us for two months, and aside from washing the dishes and folding my laundry, she just hung around the house playing with her ipad or sleeping. She took more naps than my newborn son did!! I appreciated her help with the dishes and folding my laundry, but honestly, I would have done that myself when the baby was asleep. It didn't help she and I never really got along.

My mom doesn't cook so not only was I trying to learn to care for a newborn on my own (DH owns his own business so wasn't home from 2am till 2pm), I had to make sure my mom was fed. Meaning I had to cook a decent meal for her. I enjoy cooking, but the first few weeks, I would have totally been okay eating ramen or other simple meals, but that's not sufficient for my mom. So I feel ya - 100%.

I think another part of it is, that we live away from the folks for such a long time that re-learning to live under the same roof again is hard. We live 3 hours away in a different state for over 7 years and counting. You've established your own rules and ways/habits, and they have their's. So it's inevitable that personalities crash after being apart so long and the stay is extended!

Like others have suggested, I'd totally leverage your dad in persuading your mom!

@Astro Bee: I'm so sorry! You have to remember your hormones are going crazy right now (I've been an emotional crazy person this last week as well!) If it were me (and I understand you might not have the same relationship with your mom I do mine) but I would be like "here's my list of stuff I want done before the baby, if you would like to help!" and as for dinner before going down for nap I would say "hey would you mind browning the hamburger/throwing in the xyz into the oven at around 6:00? Please wake me up at 6:30 and I can help finish up" Just little subtle hints of what would be helpful. It sounds like she WANTS to be but doesn't know how or what to do?

As for the hearing aids can you be like "mom can you put them in, it's easier to communicate that way." AND I would say "sorry no house guests before/after baby, we want that time to focus on us." And lay down the law, if they can't afford a hotel shack them up with other family close or friends who might be willing to house them. I would NOT be okay with a house full of people postpartum.