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No, I wouldn't say anything. You cannot dictate why people do on their property and I think it's rude to even mention it. I would just Keep your daughters windows closed or move her room if possible.

Interesting to see the strong split in opinions on this one! I'm in the camp of saying something. As has been said, people aren't mind readers. She probably has no idea it's an issue, and would be horrified if she knew. And I'd worry that taking visible steps to counter it (putting fans out, etc) would be seen as passive-aggressive if she found out about it later. Not that it IS, but just that she could view it that way. I dunno. I just can't see not saying something when my child's health is the issue, especially with someone that I know fairly well.

You are right that it is 100% her right to smoke anywhere on her property.

With that being said, my personal motto in life is that you'll never get what you don't ask for. It has served me better than I can say (esp being in sales!)...

It sounds like you have a great relationship with her, and you could pose it exactly as it is: that you understand her rights on her property, and you're not upset with her either way, but just mention his lungs and the situation and just see what she says.

As a mom, if someone approached me that way, not accusatory but just like "hey- I'm just a desperate Mom and am just throwing this out there, but I totally understand if you can't help me out..." I'd really consider it just to help, bc I'd put myself in that mom's shoes.

Sometimes people do good things because they're good people. Regardless of property lines and constitutional rights:)

I would get an air purifier anyway but also kindly ask like others have said. I'd actually be MORE reluctant to say anything if we had a bad relationship. If she's already a good neighbor, I'm sure she'd be happy to try to come up with a solution that may work!

@Mrs. Jacks: Just read your comment about difference in opinions.
I came to my opinion of figuring out a solution on my own because I wouldn't want to be told what to do on my own property... that's also why we live on 50+ acres in a rural area lol. I'm just not a city person and hate living close to people.
If you feel like you have a good enough relationship you can try talking to her... but personally I'd keep it to myself and find a solution.

I can offer perspective from the neighbors pov, since I dealt with tons of complaints from our downstairs neighbors in our last apartment. I don't think there is anything wrong with making a polite and sympathetic request! Just please make it short (no rambling) and mention that you are 100% aware she is allowed to smoke on her own property so she currently isn't foing anything wrong. Then if she makes any change at all - thank her! If she doesn't, resort to plan B (ac/air purifier/closed window) and do not ask her again.

Our neighbors were unusually insane, but they complained constantly about noise that we were making that was well witin building rules (done by 10pm, 80% carpeted, etc). I spent a lot of $ and made a huge effort to please them, but instead of thanking me they complained MORE. We finally had to go to the board and make a formal harassment complaint and ask them to only communicate with us through management. Our case was kind of extreme and from what you explained it doesnt sound like you will have an issue - just trying to help save your sanity!

@Mrs. Jacks: Well, what @WinterBee said makes some sense. If you're used to living in close proximity, it might make a difference? Except it seems like there's still a split between people on that. Don't know. But I'm enjoying reading the opinions!

I am honestly SO surprised to see the number of people who wouldn't say anything at all (meaning a polite question) and would find it rude to do so! Would you act the same if your neighbor's music was keeping your LO awake at night? Yes, they have the right to play music on their property, but it is impinging on your rights when it travels into your space.

I am just really surprised--If someone were making the request to me, I would NEVER be offended, and I would certainly move over/find a new place to smoke. I get that she might react differently, but why assume the worst?

@Torchwood: @Mrs. Jacks: Agree these replies are so interesting. I was in the buy a fan camp and see if that works first. I would speak to her about it only as a last resort. My reasoning is that I think it would be very hard to tell her to change her behavior without sounding very intrusive, like you are telling her what to do on her property, even if you say it in a very nice way.

We have had neighbors make requests once or twice over the years (however, I will say for very, very stupid things, and nothing relating to the health of a child), and it has come across as super intrusive. However, I can't totally decide if this was because of the frivolous nature of the request, the fact that we weren't close with these neighbors, or it just felt intrusive to be told what to do with / on my property.

In any event, I would handle it extremely delicately. I think when you are commenting about what someone is doing on their own property, it is hard not to make them upset / defensive, even if you mean well. But the health of your child is #1 too, but I just wouldn't be shocked if she gets upset.

@catomd00: but if I wanted my windows open at night to get a nice breeze, and my neighbors were playing loud music, why not ask them to turn it down before shutting my windows? They might say no, just like this woman might, but I really don't get the reluctance to ask (not demand, not request or tell, but ASK). And I think when the neighbor is smoking basically directly outside the baby's window, it kind of is her problem--not in a rude way, but more "Oh I didn't realize I was stepping on your foot!" kind of way. Again, I just don't get the reluctance to even ask her in a very nice way. Worst case she says no, and you're no worse off. Best case, problem solved!

@hilsy85: There is no one around me. Farmers fields and water. That's why I live here. I'm not saying I would be offended, nor am I saying I wouldn't not be. It would depend on the situation.
I was giving OP background as to my answer of her question as she was curious.

Yes, she can smoke on her property, but I would have a conversation with her since the smoke (smell) is coming into YOUR house. I would try a few easy options first, like running a fan, and then ask her if those do not work. If she says no, then I would suck it up and do the more expensive A/C option or whatever else it takes.

@hilsy85: Yes... which would explain my reason behind what I would do in said hypothetical situation.
Everyone's opinions will vary based on their current/past living situations. Seeing as mine is that of solitude my instinct is to figure it out on my own. It's not a better or worse solution... it's just different.
But, like I said, if the relationship is good, she could most definitely ask.

@hilsy85: Lol, no worries!
Not having neighbours is the best! I get to walk around naked all the time. Lol!

I'm with everyone saying what harm is there in asking nicely. She honestly probably has no idea it's going in the nursey and I feel like this is just being over thinked. I wouldn't hesitate to ask nicely and politely.

DH was burning something that was smokey in our firepit and it was a windy day and our neighbors asked if we could move the pit a bit so it didn't go into their wiffle ball game. Im glad they said something if it was bothering them and it wasn't a big deal to move it to a diff part of the patio. At our old house lots of neighbors smoked and even the Ahole ones were conscientious about when Los were outside around them.

@Mrs. Jacks: @hilsy85: I arrived at my answer because Daniel Tiger teaches us to Use Your Words.

Our neighbors to the right throw these amazing parties. The kinds of parties I wish I was invited to, until we had kids. Or, until they started setting off fire works and a shell landed on my car. I kind of forgave them for that because their parties looked like *so much fun* but they were college kids and I'm the old lady next door, so I didn't want to be a creeper and crash.

And then we had kids. Well, Chloe. And the 2am crazy music making my windows shake just wouldn't work for us anymore. Their pool & deck is closest to our house and even closer to our bedroom windows, so there really wasn't any solution for us other than asking them to turn it down.

Guess what? They did. No one threw a fit. No one gave us the middle finger or called us losers. They turned the music down and had a quieter party.

@Mrs. Jacks: Life experience has taught me that you have to speak up and say what is on your mind. There are also different ways to frame your request. If I don't, shame on me for not saying anything and then being surprised at the action or non-action.

I don't think it is surprising at all that people come to different conclusions on how to solve a problem.

@Mrs. Jacks: ha ha ha

I did ask my neighbors to stop smoking on their back deck (which adjoined ours) when LO was an infant because it would waft into our kitchen, our bedroom, and her nursery. I didn't really know them, other than to politely wave, but I walked over with LO in my arms and ran the doorbell. I just explained that I could smell smoke in my house and that I was hoping they could smoke on their front porch instead. They totally obliged and had no idea that I could smell it in my house. I definitely think it is reasonable to have a conversation about it with your neighbor. She may be more than willing to make a change without a fuss once she realizes that there is an issue.