We are gearing up for DD1 and DD2 joint birthday party next month, and we really, truly have enough (too much) stuff. They are getting a nice, wooden play set for the backyard and I'd really like to request no gifts. What's the best way to say that on a kids party invitation?
Did anyone have a no gifts party? How'd it go for you?
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We've done it several times. We usually put on the invitation something like "No presents/gifts needed, your presence is enough". My daughter recently had a cat-themed party so the invite said "No gifts necessary, just bring your cat-itude."
Most people listen, some do not, but what else can you do? -
I generally find if it's on the invite more people are likely to pay attention to it than word of mouth. And personally I like'em blunt. "Your presence is the best present - no other gifts needed!"
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"No gifts please." Keep it simple!
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Perfect. I like simple and direct. I've never been to a party with no gifts requested so I was definitely over thinking it!
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Please write "No gifts, please." on the invitation. "No gifts necessary" is not really a request.
I think that breaking with the birthday party routine of gift-giving is fine, but do it very, very clearly, please! (ETA: Also, we have been to a few no gift parties and we'll do it when we have one. I am in total support of this practice!)
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@MrsRoo: I posted a month or so ago on the other side of this topic, when I was told not to bring a gift, followed instructions, and was dismayed (as was my daughter) to see that we were nearly the only ones to listen! We felt AWFUL not having brought a gift. Sooooo.....with that fresh in my mind, I'd say:
(a) Re-iterate your genuine intent in person if possible;
(b) Have some kind of back up in mind if people are REALLY insistent (like suggesting someone donate a toy to charity instead, bring a book, have their kid hand-make a card, etc.)
(c) Realize that a decent number of people are going to disregard your instructions - and if that happens, PLEASE have a way to quickly spirit away those gifts to someplace discreet so that those who listened to you don't feel guilty - I know it sounds silly, but my LO was really upset!
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@PinkElephant: I want to echo your point #3, because you're absolutely right! We were in a similar position at a no gifts party and my son was really unhappy about it. There were gifts everywhere and one guest even said "Time to open gifts!" and proceeded to push theirs in front of the birthday child and demand that it be opened.
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I received an invitation that said "No gifts. Please donate to your favorite charity instead"
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@PinkElephant: @honeybear: oh my gosh. This is actually what I'm most concerned about. I genuinely do not want gifts, and we've had several conversations with DD1 about what to expect at her party. Great advice to have a plan in place to move the gifts out of view for people who disregard. Thank you.
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@PinkElephant: Yes! We recently went to a "no gifts" party, and when we arrived there was a huge table in the front piled with gifts. We brought along a book and stuffed it in the diaper bag, but next to the pile of gifts even that left me feeling awkward.
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I've been to a couple of no gift parties recently where the hosts asked for donations to a children's charity. I really liked that balance - guests didn't have to show up empty handed if they were uncomfortable but gifts could be directed to a specific place where they are needed.
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@MrsRoo: I think it's really good that you're prepping your daughter. Like I said, I am a big fan of no gifts parties (for us! I actually rather enjoy buying gifts for other people and we take time to pick out nice ones!), but I feel like with children older than 2, you need to get them totally on board with the break from social custom, or else things could get tricky. (My son has also been asked by a birthday child why we didn't bring a gift--we always take a handmade card--when so many other people brought one, even though the invitation was explicit about not wanting gifts and that wish was confirmed orally in advance of the party by the parents...)
I have to say, I don't care for the "please donate to charity (or X charity) instead" request. If you're going to say "no gifts, please," stick with it. I think the best way to elegantly break from social customs is to make a complete and total break.
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We always do this and about half the parties we are invited to do this also. "No gifts please" is perfect. I'll warn you that some portion of your invitees will bring a gift anyway so be prepared - we donate most of those and I get my kids ready for that in advance. I've noticed it is especially a problem on evite since they seem to have changed their format, I think many people don't read or can't find the message from the host.
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I have to confess that I'm one of those people - we went to a party this weekend where the mom replied to my RSVP and said not to bring a gift and we did anyway. They had come to our party the month earlier and brought one, and B was excited about choosing a gift for his friend. We set it on a side table out of the way, though - it seems very weird to ask for no gifts and then have a big table for gifts.
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@shellio: good advice! I'll start talking to DD1 about if any gifts come and maybe we can donate them to kids who need them together.
@erinbaderin: thats so awkward and why I want to put it on the invites! We had a party last weekend that the mom said not to bring something when I RSVP'd but there was nothing on the invites so we brought a little pack of puzzles and I'm glad we did because the gift table was prominent and overflowing.
@honeybear: yikes! This is exactly what I hope to avoid by talking to her about not getting gifts at the party. I'd like to think that she would never ask someone why they didn't bring a gift regardless of what kind of party it was, but I know kids are unpredictable so I'll just prep her as best I can and pray that she handles it well. She seems to understand so far that she's getting a big party and a big swing set instead of a lot of little things.
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Direct is best - "No gifts please"! I find that 'no gifts needed' still results in people bringing presents.
Also, immediately whisk any gifts that show up into another room behind a closed door. Do not leave them out - people who followed directions will feel awkward. There should definitely not be a gift table.
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We said no gifts and LO still got loads of gifts. This year I think I'll ask for donations to our favorite children's charity, but he will probably still get loads of gifts!
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Agree with everyone above - it's fine to request no gifts, but if you do that, then please don't sit down with a big pile of gifts and open them during the party! This is why I always bring something small just in case.
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I do it every year and every year people still bring gifts!!
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People will still bring gifts. They know that sone people won't listen, so they don't want to be caught empty handed. The good thing, I found, is that the gifts were mostly small - colouring books, markers, stickers, a small book. It was managable.
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recently we went to a party where the mom said on the invite it was a "toonie" party, so everyone was asked to just drop a a toonie in a jar and the kid was going to pick out one gift after with the money. (a toonie is a canadian coin for $2). i thought it was brilliant.
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@californiadreams: That's a great idea!
We once received an invitation asking for donations to the local cat shelter instead, with suggested items such as food, litter, pee pads etc. The host followed it up a few days before the party with a "don't forget to bring your donations" email, which I thought was a little pushy, but everyone followed her wishes, I guess it redirected people's urge to bring something and not be empty handed.
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Just had to update that even though it was printed on the invitations AND on the Facebook event page- maybe 5 people out of 50 actually listened and didn't bring a gift. I'm not even exaggerating, we just had another Christmas at our house. And to make it even better? DHs family got upset that we didn't open the mountain of gifts they brought at the party...
I realize that the generosity of our families is a non problem, and we are lucky they love our girls, but man we have so.much.stuff. Spending the day pulling out toys to donate so we can make room for all the new ones. -
@MrsRoo: that is frustrating! I am thinking about this now because we have a party coming up. The only time I saw the no gift request work was when it was no gift necessary but if you do choose to bring one, please bring an unwrapped book. Birthday girl chooses her favorite and the rest are donated. I thought it was a great idea and am considering copying it.
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@skipra: I like that! Gonna try a different non-gift route for next year and hope it sticks. My kids don't play with the majority of the toys they already have. It just seems so wasteful.
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@MrsRoo: We just went to a party today where they printed in the invitations, "No Gifts Please. If guests prefer, please bring items to donate to the H_______ Homeless Shelter like dry cereal, instant coffee, sugar, dry creamer, oats, rice, etc."
We brought a bag of boxed food! No gift table, so I don't know if others did the same.
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@Anagram: that's a great one, too! We definitely will need to try something different next year and maybe suggesting a donation will help. Also will help my girls get into a giving spirit. One positive is that we cleaned out our playroom and my oldest was very excited that some other little kids would get to play with her old toys
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I feel like this is really common now. If an invite says this I usually bring sparkling wine for the parents instead
Sometimes a balloon for the kid, sometimes nothing!
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I just posted my own question about this, not realizing this thread was here! We're considering putting a "help us build our big kid library/board game collection" ask on the invitation instead of just no gifts, and I was wondering if that's tacky.
Sometimes a balloon for the kid, sometimes nothing!
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