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Honestly, I would guess that on lunch + show tickets for 5 people you paid the same amount of money as you would for a rental for a larger party. So are you trying to avoid cost or stress? We just spent the weekend at a local resort to celebrate my daughter's bday and it was really special and nice family time, but it wasn't cheap. And we're doing a party at home this coming weekend anyway because she would definitely pick a party with her friends over something special with just us

We did this for my DS - him and his best friend - movie, mini golf, lunch, ice cream

It was perfect!

We have always done dinner (tacos) or a cookout with a cake with family and a close friend. Our kid gets to play, it's low key, and no fuss. This is the first year we are doing an actual party!

I think there are two things you’ll need to work out: 1) your expectations for kid’s birthday parties and 2) whether your plans for your son’s birthday are more for him, or for you. Honestly, a luncheon with mimosas followed by a show at a theatre (assuming not a kids movie) sounds clearly and definitely more geared towards what the adults in the party would enjoy; rather than what someone <5 would pick or truly enjoy.

Re #1 above; kid’s parties are crappy pizza and messy homes and the lot. They just are in real life. That’s totally normal. You can limit toys by requesting people don’t bring any, and by culling your own collection of toys pre and post party if the toys are really out of control. But if your expectations are a lot higher than that and you don’t want to adjust expectations then maybe it is better to do something else.

I would try to do something your son is really interested in, but you could limit it to like 1-2 good friends. Picnic at a playground he loves (just grab picnic trays at a grocery store)? Movie with a couple friends? Just go for hot dogs and ice cream with a couple of buddies?

Growing up we did have birthday parties at home every year, and they were always lowwwwwww key. What was even more special though was that we always got to pick out what we had for dinner on our birthday and got to pick what cake flavor we wanted. It was just our family, but as kids we rarely got say in what we had for dinner and rarely got cake for dessert so getting to pick was special.

I also don't think you have to worry about "going back on your word" about a 6 year old getting a birthday party. It's once a year and he's little. But maybe that just rubs me the wrong way more than it should

@gingerbebe: My parents still do the "special birthday dinner" for my brother and I. My mom still calls the week before my birthday asking what I want her to make and what kind of cake I want and I'm 36 honestly though, I LOVE it. Seems so small, but is special

@yoursilverlining: Yes, this exactly. I hosted a birthday party for my girls this year. It was legit low-key at my house. No activities. Just letting all the kids play with our toys while the adults chatted. We had cake/cupcakes, pizza, chips. I think I spent probably $100 on food and $77 of it was on six pizzas (I made the cake and cupcakes), the rest being chips, drinks, and the stuff to make dip. It was the best.

We've done a couple different things that were pretty low key.

For DS's 2nd birthday we hosted a dinner at our house for some extended family (the grandparents) and our closest couple friends with their 2 kids. We had 9 adults and 3 kids. I ordered catering from Wegman's and all I had to do was pick up the food and heat it up. The grandparents were already going to buy DS gifts, and then we had one additional gift from our friends.

For his 3rd birthday we went to a play space and again invited our same friends with their 2 kids and DS's best friend and her mom. I paid for all the entrance fees and when the kids were done playing we sat in their cafe space (which I cleared with the manager) and had cupcakes (supplied by Whole Foods) and juice boxes. Only effort was ordering the cupcakes ahead of time. Oh, and I told everyone not to give gifts.

Birthdays don't have to be tons of work/expense/kids. You could also do just a nice dinner for your immediate family, or consider inviting 1 special friend.

Low, low key & still festive would be punch, cake and ice cream and balloons tied to the birthday boys chair. Everyone just plays with the toys your son has or the new presents. Basically a giant play date with cake.

@irene: I think your post was really honest. You don't have to apologize for being honest. Your message was a personal one, not a a public message advocating for or against something, there was no message of criticism on others -- it was about you and your family -- you have no need to apologize for your feelings. Not everyone celebrates a birthday with a party and every parent has their own reasons and that's OK

Having said that, I think I only understood your situation after reading your response. Adults have very different expectations compared to our children. What's special to him might just be something so simple, you overlook it because it's not at all special.

- What things (other than a party) would your LO like to do IF he could pick for himself?
- What's something he doesn't get to do often that he absolutely enjoys?

As parents, we often get swept up on the idea that something elaborate is an ideal. That more effort = more love. But kids won't acknowledge how long it took us to hand make a napkin holder or how much time it took to find the perfect give-away bags. As our kids get older, they will remember the happy moments. Maybe this year, you can start something special that's meant just for him and you? It will be special *to him*, even if it turns out he just wants to eat ice cream at the local parlor.

@irene

I totally ageee with how you feel about bday parties too. I’m not a fan of even attending other kids bday party at those party places bc it’s so loud, crazy, etc but we go bc my Lo is not like me and a socialite 🤣 Don’t even get me started on hosting...it stresses me out too so I feel ya girl.

We do a “party” every other year. Meaning something with friends. Like this year, I took her and some of her five year old friends to an art pottery type place. Off years, we go out to eat as family. I also ask her what she wants to do and we do it if it’s not too crazy. Like last year she wanted ice cream so we did that. This year if I had asked her, she’s been dying to do the build a Bear so we would have done that.

@irene: Ok, gotcha, I didn't realize he had asked for/wanted a party.

My son asked for a party this year, I decided the way I could cope with it was to have it offsite. I have a large enough space in my house, but it's a December birthday and the weather is too unpredictable to consider doing it outside. So, we're doing it at a trampoline park. There are going to be way too many presents, but I've already begun kind of cleaning up the stuff my son has outgrown and will have a good amount of space. I figure it's a season in life and soon we'll be doing a few boys invited anyway,

Not totally cheap, but we took DD1 to Disney on Ice recently for her upcoming birthday! We are still doing a party but it's super small with family only.

we have 3 kids and have been doing parties with friends every other year. on the non-bday party year, we do a family day for each kid on their birthday: pancakes with candles for breakfast, they get to pick where we have lunch, and one or two activities around town that they pick (aka 5$ to spend a chuck e cheese, a 3$ ride on the mini train, a favourite park, etc). we will also do a small cake a home. if they are really into their friends that year and it's a non-party year, we might have a few friends over for a playdate and then surprise them all with a cake after lunch. it's working out well so far!