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I took my 2 year old to doctor yesterday bc he was coughing constantly and slight runny nose. No fever. The doctor said he had allergies and to give him a little bit of Zyrtec if it gets worse. So kids can get allergies too.

I have a very flexible job situation. I keep my kid home from school when she is sick. But I also don’t think a drippy nose and post nasal cough is “sick.” If she is also feeling run down, doesn’t want to play, etc....she stays home. But a runny nose when she’s otherwise feeling ok? She definitely goes to school. I certainly don’t quarantine myself until my nose stops running and don’t expect anyone else to either.

@Hypatia: I'm with ya. It's one thing to have a case of the sniffles but I'm tired of "it's just allergies" or "s/he's just teething" followed by a week of fevers/other nastier than cough and snot symptoms for our family. I mean it's one thing to send your kid to daycare or school, it's another to go somewhere totally unnecessarily when they are clearly uncomfortable with something more than a snot nose.

@2littlepumpkins: for sure I'd 100% agree we have a very hearty little guy and as a family we are all pretty healthy, but we are also almost never at home and constantly out with other people. My own feeling is if you are really worried about your kids or family getting sick, isolate yourselves, but don't expect others to agree or follow your expectations IF they are following school/daycare policy. I did however grow up with a nurse mom, so we almost never got to stay home sick and unless we were dying we didn't really go to the doctor either LOL.

I just get annoyed when people aren't honest or don't give me a heads up. My main friends are considerate enough to not do that to me, probably bc they know I have some germphobic tendencies (way worse with LO1 than now with LO2).

If we're supposed to get together and one of their kids has any symptoms (including "minor" ones) they'll let me know in advance, tell me how longs its been going on, how their spirits seem to be, etc. Based on that info I either stick with the original plans, or cancel. I'm a lot more lenient with my toddler than my newborn, obviously, and more lenient with minor symptoms vs. major. But the main thing is, it's my choice, it's not my "friends" putting me in a difficult situation.

FWIW, I and all of my friends have kids with in-home, personal care (1-3 other kids).

@Ajsmommy: I get 23 days of PTO and my husband gets 25 days So 48 days total if we don't try to spend any of them together.. My daycare is closed 6 days that my work is open. We also usually have 3-4 closures due to snow storms. So let's just say 10 days that we already have to use our PTO for. Now let's add in actual illnesses. Last year, my youngest was hospitalized twice, for 4 and 5 days each and then we had to keep him home for an additional week to ensure he had recovered. That's about 19 days spent STRAIGHT spent on serious illnesses. And actually my husband and I stayed with him in the hospital together the first few days (guess that was selfish of us), so it's more like 23 days used. Then add in noro, which goes through our house every winter - that's at least 1 day per person, so that's another 4 days. THEN add actual illnesses with fevers, that's probably like 4 per kid a year, so 8 total. Then add when us adults are actually too sick to go to work, so assume at least another 8 days.

10 + 23 + 4 + 8 + 8 = 53. Well shit - that's more than the PTO we even had! I don't know how we managed that, except that probably my husband had some PTO roll over from the year before. Oh yeah, and I bought 5 days of PTO, because I literally have to every year because I spend all my time off for non-fun things.

Now, we've been EXTREMELY fortunate this year that we haven't had an hospitalizations (YET), so we might not actually have to spend so much time with sick kids. But my kids have asthma and they've been hospitalized a bunch because of it. Every illness hits them harder than it does most kids and we actually DO have to keep them home more than the average kid BECAUSE we have to monitor their breathing and do whatever we can to keep them out of the hospital.

I think it's fantastic for you that your kids obviously don't get sick that much or you have such a flexible job that you can miss so much work. But MOST people don't have that luxury. And maybe you should have a little more compassion for the people that send their sniffly kids to daycare instead of judging them. If I could stay home with my kid every time he had the sniffles, I would LOVE that. But I can't. Most people can't. But don't worry - I can assure you I won't be taking a single vacation this year since I don't have enough PTO to do it.

Oh, AND MOST people probably also have to take time off work to take their kids to appointments or go to appointments themselves! I work 9+ hour days so that I can have every other Friday off and I use those days to schedule appointments so that I can save my PTO for when they are ill or school or closed or it snows.

@yogifish: Oh, I definitely agree! My oldest is 5 and hasn't been hospitalized in 18 months and hasn't been on steroids for over a year, so I know his immune system is getting stronger and healthier! And I know that MOST working parents are doing the best they can, same as us, and don't begrudge us sending our kids to daycare with the sniffles because they have to do the same. Thanks for the kind words. I know I was getting pretty defensive in my last post!

@Adira: I'm sorry I've offended you. Def not my intention but clearly my position does.

As far as days off I guess dh and I must be lucky bc we don't often get sick. I haven't taken a sick day for myself in years....and our daycare doesn't close for snow days so maybe those few differences make me "privileged and judgy".

But I still feel that sometimes kids should be kept home when they are not and I think parents do sometimes make excuses and choices to do What they do.

Eta: also for your hospital stays did you use fmla? That would help save your days to use elsewhere

@yogifish: HAHA I grew up with a nurse mom too and staying home didn't fly unless you were dying LOL.

My husband and I are full time workers and our little gos to daycare. He gets the usually sniffles and other seasonal illnesses that everyone gets and we only keep him home if he has a fever and I'm very quick to take him to the Dr when he does because usually it's an ear infection (we have major issues with those). I don't cancel plans for runny noses. I do have a family member that is a SAHM and she doesn't take her kids anywhere, (her and her husband switch off staying at home and going to the store just so they don't take the kids out) so in turn when my son plays with their kids, even if he's perfectly healthy at that time, they get sick. And I get very upset when they blame my son because he gos to daycare and its full of germs. I don't want my son ostracized because hes experiencing normal illnesses instead of being quarantined, or that it's my fault for being a working mom.

ETA- I only get 19 days PTO a year and DH works at a hospital and has to schedule time off 2 months ahead of time otherwise he gets 8 call offs a year before he gets a write up.... Just in case my amount of days off is called into question. And I don't use them for fun, it's always for appointments or illness.

@Ajsmommy: Your priorities are your own, but perhaps if you don't want people to judge the perceived importance of your job you shouldn't be so quick to judge others on their sick (to your own observations) kids. Really unless you are a legitimately trained medical professional, you just don't know what is normal for someone else's child, only your own.

So you do you and what works for your family. But it isn't very nice to come on here and question someone specifically about how much vacation or whatever you Americans call your leave time and dictate how they should or shouldn't allocate it.

I personally have been coughing with a terrible cough and snotty nose since like October, but guess what the doctor says I'm not sick so here I am at work. Granted I'm not licking anyone's keyboard, but I'm sure the germophobes like you who hear me coughing constantly think I have the plague. But that's the real world.

@MrsMom: I'm like you, I find it super annoying to hear other people whining about this and blaming other people that their mcprecious child got sick. If your kid is everywhere and you are as well as the parents, chances are good you don't even know who or when they were exposed to that passed on an illness.

@Alba4:
@Adira: my boys both have seasonal allergies. My oldest had them before 2. And his eczema and asthma flair with his allergies. They are 2 and 4.

@Ajsmommy: At my company, you still have to ute your PTO days while on FMLA. You can't just choose to go unpaid.

And yes, it sounds like you are privileged if you don't have a ton of illnesses to deal with. Good for you. But try to recognize that not everyone is as fortunate as you are.

Unless there is a fever or they are obviously sick (super runny nose, constant coughing, lethargic, etc.) we go on with life as usual. We can't stay home with every little sniffle. We would literally not leave the house for months. DD isn't in daycare but goes to public preschool and then a babysitter. I have a flexible part time schedule and still cannot keep her home every time she's a tiny bit sick.

My kids go to daycare/school with colds, definitely. By the way, as a public school educator, I get a whopping 6 sick days and 3 personal in an entire school year. And actually, my contract specifies that sick days are only for the employee (me) and everything else from non sick appointment to children's illnesses are supposed to be personal days--but with only 3 in a 10 month period, I often have to call in sick and pretend I'm sick when a kid is sick.

Needless to say, when my kids have a cold and no fever and they have that lingering 2 week cough, no, I'm not going to quit my job to be with my perfectly-energetic and functioning kids during the 2 weeks one of them has a cough.

This issue is super annoying to me, because there is a (SAHM--well, she sells some MLM stuff) woman in my local moms group that is constantly posting these "please keep your kids at home if they have a cough" posts and it does make me kind of rage because I've had plleeeenty of times where our doctor has cleared my kids to go back to school, but they still have say, a runny nose or a cough, and I don't really need some random lady with no medical license judging and then posting these passive aggressive "advice" posts.

When my oldest got RSV her first year in daycare, she had an ugly ugly cough for about 9 weeks. As a nervous first time mom, I kept taking her back in and the Ped kept telling me the cough lingers for a really long time, but that her lungs were clear and she was fine and we just had to wait it out. Yes, she was in daycare for most of that 9 weeks after the initial 4 days we took off to give her the breathing treatments.

Everyday my daycare removes toys that are covered in slobber and sanitizes them. Of course there is plenty of time for kids to touch each other and the toys and transfer germs, but I doubt CFA and the mall gym are sanitizing their apparatus. I don’t sanitize anything at home. Daycare also practices hand washing with the kids. I have LO wash his hands when we get home, but he’s already sucked his fingers on the ride home.

Although I have a back up, my dad, to carry the stay at home load if necessary I don’t keep him home for every cough or runny nose. If he’s up for going to daycare then he goes. I imagine based on the number of snotty nosed kids other parents are doing the same. Whenever I take my kid to urgent care or the pediatrician for something wrong the intake nurse puts their “pen” down when I say he’s in daycare. Although, as a parent who works outside of the home and shakes a lot of hands I bet I have brought things home too.

I think there is a difference between what flies in a daycare setting for tolerance of sick children and what is courteous between friends. All that to say, if you took your kid to the doctor and know what they have and their contagion level I would much prefer a heads up before spending 1:1 time with them. Like @Mrs. Toad: My kid has had symptoms that may look bad, but won’t harm any kids so I have sent them to school. For the good of him and the herd my LO is vaccinated on time and even got a flu shot this past year.

@lilyofthewest: I’m right there with you. I’m a per diem physical therapist. I was regularly scheduled 10 hours per week plus a weekend here and there, however I was having to call out so often that I eventually had to resign (I wasn’t fired, I just figured it wasn’t fair to other staff. And also, I wasn’t getting paid if I didn’t work and barely breaking by the time I paid the sitter on the days I did). It was frustrating.

Wow this post has certainly evolved!

Do I like going to people's houses if their child is obviously sick? No. I do think that is inconsiderate. Especially with younger children. My 3.5 year old I hardly think about it, my 1 year old I don't really either but I did when he was little.

Do I quarantine my child for sniffles, snot or minor coughs? Absolutely not. Children have the sniffles and snots because they don't know how to blow their noses like adults do. Do you stay home every time you need to blow your nose? No. So yeah. My kids go to school when they have clear runny noses and normal energy levels. Fevers, lethargic behavior, horrible croup, diarrhea, vomit, etc. I would absolutely do what is in the best interest of my child - which is to rest at home. If my kid is fine and my pediatrician says he's fine and my daycare says he is fine, he is going to school/restaurants/etc. The only place I don't bring my germy kids (pretty much ever) is to meet newborns.

FWIW, I don't know if anyone has really talked about this, but for many illnesses, you're contagious before you have symptoms. This is the case with flu, HFM, etc., per the CDC. So it's literally impossible to perfectly quarantine yourself or your kids all the time. My son's worst bout of illness was HFM. We kept him out as soon as he developed sores, but his pedi said by that point the other kids had been exposed already anyway. This is not to say you should just send your kids to daycare or playdates with HFM or whatever, but the reality is kids are going to be out and about while contagious whether it's obvious or not.

@periwinklebee: Fingers crossed, but I do think all three are closely linked. Both my boys had/have all three. My oldest (5) outgrew the eczema and is outgrowing a food allergy, but still has asthma. And my youngest (3) still has all three.

@periwinklebee: Thanks! And hopefully yours just has eczema and no other issues!!