Oops there goes another one. - vent about friends.

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Oops there goes another one. - vent about friends.

By MaisyMay Nov 11, 2011

Warning, vent ahead.

Yet another friend has announced their pregnancy via facebook. I know that Hubs and I are of the age when everybody is getting pregnant, but it sucks because I feel like it should be our turn. I'm just finishing another period, so we'll get to try again soon, but I hate how sad it makes me when I ought to be happy for them. This will be the couple's second baby, and so many other friends are pregnant, always updating with belly pics and ultrasounds. I am happy for them, but jealous too. I can't help but wonder when it'll be our turn to be pregnant. Sorry ladies, just venting.

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12 comments

mrbee
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts

Nov 11, 2011

It is very normal to feel this way.

Bee and I got married ahead of a number of our friends... who then went on to get married, have kids, and start to raise them while we had two miscarriages.

It was a very hard time in our lives. Even just walking around our neighborhood and seeing all the new moms with strollers was hard. Where did all the strollers come from?? We hadn't even noticed them before, but now they were everywhere!

It may be useful to take some time off of social networks!! Those things are terrible when you are struggling with tough feelings like these.

Much love and good luck!
Red
persimmon / 1255 posts

Nov 11, 2011

Yes, definitely normal to feel that way. Your time will come. *Sending hugs*
MaisyMay
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts

Nov 11, 2011

Thanks y'all. I've gotten into hiding certain friends, especially the one who has the same due date that we had pre-MC. Hubs is really supportive about all of this. That helps.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Nov 11, 2011

I had someone delete me from their friends list on FB when my son was born. I don't post a lot of stuff about my son in my status (he has his own facebook acct administered by my husband that we use for updates to friends and family). She and her husband are trying for a baby and it hasn't happened, so I can understand, but I do think it's a bit immature of her, since I my success has nothing to do with their issues.

If they are your good friends, they will notice your behavior, so consider your actions. If they aren't good friends, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.
MaisyMay
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts

Nov 11, 2011

I'm not deleting them, just hiding their status updates when it's about the baby. I cannot think that they would be offended as our MC was pretty common knowledge. One friend is due two days after our due date, and every time U/S pics are posted and whatnot, it reminds us of where we would be, stuff like that.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Nov 11, 2011

I hope you're not taking my post as a criticism. It's just that in this digital age, with information being so "out there" it's really important to take a look at how your actions impact others. Without going into tons of detail (because this is not a thread about me, lol), I had similar issues with friends announcing things and my reactions, or lack there of, caused friction in some friendships.

Whatever happens, best of luck to you.
mediagirl
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

Nov 11, 2011

I can't imagine what it's like to go through a loss like that. It sounds like you're doing what you can to manage it. I agree with you @mrbee, as hard as it is, it might be helpful to step away from social media for a while.

Have you looked into any supportive pregnancy boards out there?
tequiero21
honeydew / 7968 posts

Nov 11, 2011

i totally hear ya. tough when you don't have 1 child and friends are on their 3rd. i did notice most of my friends sort of avoided the topic with me. o well.
anewme
kiwi / 500 posts

Nov 11, 2011

I think it's very normal and understandable that you feel this way. I remember when we were ttc, it seemed like everyone around us was getting preggers left to right. Even ones who didn't want one or wasn't trying. It was a total slap in the face. And ive had some people say some really insensitive things to me during that time, but I know when it comes to ttc, it really takes one to know how another one is feeling.

It really helped me to stay mindful that it is a joyous moment regardless if it's happening to me or to thr person next to me. I still wished them well and hope that they're good fortune rubbed off on me. And it finally did. My MiL once told me, a mother cannot go looking for their baby, the baby has to find their way to their mom. I'm sure yours is looking for their way to you.
yin
honeydew / 7917 posts

Nov 11, 2011

*hugs*

While I may not be able to fully relate, I do understand how difficult it is to see those around you reaching a point in their lives that you wish you could be at. After graduating college I had fallen into a state of depression seeing my classmates gets great jobs while I was hurt by the fallen economy.

I tried to be respectful on Facebook and never mentioned anything about my pregnancy or LO. There were too many 'friends' who I felt didn't know me well enough to know such a personal part of my life such as my family. I have since closed my Facebook account, and I am much better off without it. People on Facebook only post the good things about their lives.

Good luck on your next cycle! The time will come for you and your husband. Remember that you have the support of the community here.
Rubies
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts

Nov 11, 2011

@MaisyMay: I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way - I haven't experienced a MC and don't know exactly what you're going through but I'm certain your feelings are normal. However, I have been on the receiving end of friends "hiding" me and avoiding me because of my pregnancy and subsequent birth of my LO. It was/is hurtful because a) they made me feel badly about being happy, b) I felt awkward in their presence because my growing belly felt like the elephant in the room, and c) while they may have been truly happy for me, their pain and hurt showed through.

If we were friends in real life, would there be anything I could do to lessen your hurt?
MaisyMay
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts

Nov 11, 2011

You guys are all sweet. I think this was mostly a vent because it's yet another one, and I had just finished my period so I was feeling all emotional about that. Nothing quite like a period to remind you of what you aren't. We don't avoid the friends in person, and do our best to show them that we are excited for them.

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