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What worked for my girl was to just stop talking about it and let her do her thing, as frustrating as it was. I knew that she could manage her own toileting if she wanted to and she knew that I knew - for my girl it was about control / power, and the more I pushed her the more she dug her heels in (we also had the arrival of a new baby).

My advice would be to give him free rein but let him know that if he's chooses not to toilet nicely then he needs to clean up his own messes or he can wear a nappy.

Hang in there, Mama, you'll get through this!

We had success with poop when we found something he REALLY wanted. In DS's case it was playing with his t-ball set with Daddy. He kept asking during the week and it was really hard to find the time, so I finally told him if pooped in the potty at school we'd play that night.

Well he came home and asked to play with it and I told him no because he'd pooped in his pull-up during nap time at daycare. He then went straight to the bathroom and pooped! We made a huge deal about it with lots of praise and some chocolate treats and went outside to play t-ball. After that it got a lot easier.

@bloved: I read somewhere that kids can only control three things - eating, sleeping and toileting - so when they experience a trauma or big change (like a new baby, new carer etc) it's usually one of those three things that goes out the window, and from what I've seen with the kids I know, it's totally true!

I tried to be the cool Mum but I will admit to losing it on more than occasion! Our accidents were more pee-related so clean up wasn't too messy but my girl knew that she needed to put her wet clothes into the laundry and get a towel to help soak up the mess, she also lost some of her toys that got weed on. I'll be honest and say it took a full year before I would've said she was really, truly toilet trained. Fortunately, once we got over the hump we've had very few accidents and she's night trained without too many dramas.

My vote is to be low key about successes too. Remove the power and the big deal completely. You did it? Cool, pottying is great. You had an accident? Bummer, clean it up. Calm, fairly neutral tone in your reaction either way.

It has been a long process over here too. We started officially training on his 3rd birthday. Pee was easy for him, but poop was always the challenge. We really let him find his own way, but guided him through bribery (candy), praise, and sticker charts. He was stuck in the rut of holding his poop and going in the pull up for what seemed like forever! He turns 4 in 3 months and he is officially trained and hasn't had an accident in quite some time. My advice is to stay positive and he'll get there!!

@bloved: So my son is 6, and he's in kindergarten. He's able to attend normally, but we did have some issues in the beginning of the year with stomach aches that I attribute to stress and anxiety over starting at a new school.

He had the classic signs (soiled underwear, large/toilet clogging bowel movements when he did have them) and I didn't know any better until we went to see a gastro and she diagnosed him with a blockage. So, we did a clean out and he's had issues on and off since then (October) but we do have him on a regular schedule of Miralax because his main issue is diet. He just doesn't get enough fiber to be regular (which is another separate issue that we're on the path to correcting).

He's also on a toileting schedule, he has to sit after every meal. The goal is to get him to go in the morning, which he is hit or miss with.