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Pregnancy After Loss Support Thread

  1. ocean81

    apricot / 422 posts

    @Nutella: I am so happy to read your update! Great news!

  2. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @ocean81: thank you! I am so happy - this week was the longest EVER!

  3. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @mrsjd: thanks for your kind words!

  4. delight

    pomelo / 5273 posts

    @Nutella: so happy for you!!!! I know the last week must have been hard waiting between scans. It was all worth it though, so amazing that baby has caught up! Wishing you smith sailing for the rest of the pregnancy. @winniebee: always thinking of you. Best wishes as you complete your NIPT draw.

  5. AprilFool

    nectarine / 2588 posts

    @Nutella: Congratulations! I have been waiting to see the update. SO happy for you

  6. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    Got my NIPT draw this morning. Now the very long 10 day wait begins...

  7. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @winniebee: I'm thinking if you and wishing so many good thoughts!! Lots of deep breaths xxx

  8. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @delight: thank you so much xx

    @AprilFool: aww hello fellow downunder! Thank you for your well wishes! Hope you're going well with your now two little ones

  9. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    How is everyone doing?

    The holidays have been tough for me. Reminders of our son who should be here with us all over the place. I'm also 12 weeks today with clear NIPT results (yayyyyyy!) but terrified to tell anyone other than my immediate family. It just sucks to have the pregnancy innocence taken away. I wish I could feel confident enough to stop hiding it, but I'm not there yet.

  10. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    This thread has been quiet....hope everyone is doing well!

    We have slowly been telling people we are pregnant (15 weeks now) which has been hard but it's time as I am pretty huge. I have an ultrasound this week at MFM and it feels like the most important one yet. They should be able to see if our baby has a neural tube defect by now (the cause of our last loss). Deep down, I feel like it will be ok but the fear is very real!

  11. nana87

    GOLD / pomelo / 5746 posts

    @winniebee: Yay you are so far along!! Good luck at mfm this week

    I'm 36 weeks today Also it didn't really occur to me before recently that my due date is 2 days before the 1-year anniversary of my loss--I was thinking more before about our due date when it passed in October. I really hope this lo isn't born on the same day...

  12. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @nana87: whoa I didn't even think to check but I'm also pretty close to our loss anniversary also! I think it's kinda cool timing though, like a sign from the universe

    36w...you're nearly there!! How exciting!!

  13. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    @nana87: you're so close!! I'll end up being pretty close to the birth/death of my last son as well. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm sure it will feel very emotional when the time comes!

  14. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    I know this thread is old and most people on it have had their babies already. Anyone interested in reviving it?

    How Far Along Currently: Almost 5 weeks

    EDD: Jan 16

    Loss History: D&E at 10 weeks and a CP at around 5 weeks

    Next Milestone: At this point I feel like making it to the next day still pregnant is the next milestone. I'm switching doctors and still waiting for the office to call back to set up a first appointment.

    Current Fears: After two losses and no healthy pregnancies yet, I'm feeling fairly detached - like two lines doesn't have much connection to a healthy baby. I think I'd prefer not to think about it much, but symptoms are starting to hit (hello crushing exhaustion), which is making that more difficult. I'd also like to get this whole doctor thing sorted out so that if something goes wrong, at least I have a doctor to call. This is right around the time where I started developing complications (an SCH) with my first non-viable pregnancy.

  15. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1156 posts

    @periwinklebee: I had a successful pregnancy after two consecutive losses. Pregnancy after repeated losses was really difficult and it was hard to feel joyful even toward the end. I kept focusing on taking it one day at a time - especially at the beginning. Hoping for the best for you!

  16. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    @periwinklebee: I'm still here! Early pregnancy I honestly did a lot of ignoring being pregnant...or at least trying to. It was pretty difficult for me to imagine that things could go well until around 20 weeks when I got the "all clear." But really, even now (33 weeks) I know that nothing is guaranteed and I won't breathe any sigh of relief until this baby comes home with me. It's a long road but I think (hope) it is worth it!

  17. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @winniebee: You're so close!!! I'm so excited that you'll have your precious baby in your arms soon I will be super happy to the extent I can just ignore it. Right now I'm trying to avoid being really pessimistic - I'm already feeling exhausted, nausea is starting, and it's easy to fall into the mentality "ugh, I feel yuck, and it's probably all for nothing again," which obviously makes everything worse. Trying to remind myself that regardless of the outcome, it's a relatively short stage, and just part of my path to becoming a parent...

    @Shantuck: Thank you! I think you're right that staying in the present and taking it one day at a time is definitely the way to go.

  18. catlady

    grapefruit / 4930 posts

    @periwinklebee: Hugs and good luck to you! I'm not in this group anymore but I had a similar situation to yours (D&C at 12 weeks followed by chemical) and my next pregnancy was a successful one (he is 5 months now). Actually, my first successful pregnancy was also after a loss. I never found out a reason for my losses and the journey was incredibly hard but in the end it worked out. So sorry you are dealing with this and I wish you the best. Definitely take it one day at a time and don't feel guilty if you are not connecting to your pregnancy right now. I didn't either for really any of my pregnancies after that first loss, until much later on once I was a little more certain that I'd eventually meet my baby.

  19. azjax

    kiwi / 573 posts

    How far along currently: 17+4
    EDD: 10/19
    Loss History: CP 11/14, M/C 1/17
    Next Milestone: anatomy scan tomorrow!
    Current fears: We screened high risk for T21, got the all clear by NIPT, and now I'm hoping to see a healthy baby tomorrow. I barfed up most of my prenatals early on and realized too late that most of the gluten-free products I was eating aren't fortified, so I'm worried about neural tube defects. DS is starting to show some territorial behaviors toward me so we are working on that so he isn't mean to LO2.

  20. YouGotMe

    apricot / 460 posts

    How far along currently: 22 weeks
    EDD: September 15* I suspect this will change
    Loss History: lost baby at. 24 weeks last July.
    Next milestone: My GD test

    I've been taking this pregnancy one day at a time. It's been hard because I've literally had to retake every single test at least twice (dating scans, NIPT, NT scan, anatomy scan) and so I've been extremely nervous about the whole thing. Especially approaching 24 weeks this time.

  21. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @catlady: Thank you so much for your encouragement - I really appreciate it

    @azjax: I'm so sorry to hear about the scare, but super happy that everything was ok. Good luck with the anatomy scan tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you!

    @YouGotMe: I can't even imagine how hard this pregnancy must be for you. I'll be thinking of you over the coming weeks as you approach the 24 week mark.

  22. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    @YouGotMe: I've been thinking about you! Getting through the point of my last loss was really emotional. I hope you're feeling well and getting all of the care and support that you need.

  23. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @YouGotMe: @periwinklebee: hi! just wanted to say that I found taking each day as it came really helpful. Especially in the early weeks and days leading up to the anatomy scan and feeling kicks.
    I couldn't explain the anxiety I had in the early weeks and even though mine was an early loss, it imprinted deeply! Work didn't understand why I wasn't jumping for joy etc, and I wasn't about to get into the details with them...so i wanted to say that I also understand any loneliness you may be feeling at this time!

  24. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @Nutella: Thank you It definitely can be isolating. I'm so happy to have hellobee, as I haven't found that kind of support IRL and I think I would feel so isolated without this community.

  25. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @periwinklebee: yeah real life friends just didn't cut the mustard for me, especially when it came to the silly little things that set me off, or things like milestones (baby would have been X now etc). I like the thought of the grief never really leaving you, just becoming part of you and your new self. Made it easier for me to come to terms with the idea of 'moving on'. All the best for your pregnancy

  26. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @Nutella: Thank you! I think it's so true... this whole process has definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things.

  27. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @azjax: How did the anatomy scan go? Thinking of you...

  28. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    @Nutella: @periwinklebee: it was and still is hard for me to connect with real life friends who do not know pregnancy loss. I also have a lot of jealousy towards people who get and stay pregnant easily. They just don't understand or appreciate the anxiety that I've had for the last 8 months. Finding support through hellobee, my online support group and hospital support group has been key for me.

  29. endymion4

    apricot / 365 posts

    How Far Along Currently: 14 + 1

    EDD: 11/14

    Loss History: 5 m/c (one was a set of twins) in the past 2 years

    Next Milestone: 20 week u/s

    Current Fears: Telling our 4 1/2 year old who so desperately wants a sibling and is old enough to become invested in this and potentially crushed if something goes wrong again (she has not known about the pregnancies/miscarriages and we haven't told her about this one yet, but will need to soon).
    and, of course, guarding our own feelings. I haven't let myself get excited or attached yet because i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop

  30. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @winniebee: I'm really glad you found a group of people through your hospital with more understanding of what you've gone through. I think the TTC experience has made me much more sensitive to the fact that there are things other people are going through that I just don't begin to understand. I can't really imagine life before the internet, as finding support IRL can be tough.

    @endymion4: I'm so sorry about your losses. That sounds difficult about deciding when to let your daughter know. This is #1 for us, so I don't have much insight, but I'm sure there are others here who have gone through something similar.

  31. YouGotMe

    apricot / 460 posts

    @periwinklebee: thank you. Ive been having weird dreams lately which dont help but they are just dreams. My boss and coworkers have been amazing in an almost annoyingly overprotective way. Hah.

  32. Nutella

    clementine / 974 posts

    @winniebee: couldn't agree more!
    I definitely feel like the innocence was taken, even though I never really took my LO's pregnancy for granted I am always that little bit more aware of how fragile this whole process is. And people who justify that if it's earlier it doesn't count, I found those conversations hard too...like I wasn't allowed to grieve because the loss was so early.
    I'm forever grateful for the community on here though!

  33. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @YouGotMe: Ugh, I'm sorry, I'm sure the dreams are the worst. I've had some dreams about loss and always wake up in a complete funk afterwards. I hope some of it will dissipate after passing the 24 week milestone.

    @Nutella: Yeah, lessening someone's loss - "well, at least..." - is never the most empathetic way to respond. So glad for people here who get it.

  34. azjax

    kiwi / 573 posts

    @periwinklebee: the u/s was....meh. The tech said she got everything she needed but didn't say much else. I passed over the quad screen and just had the AFP draw done on Tuesday, which will take a week to come back. I decided to call my OB and ask about the u/s results and the OB just called me to tell me that an echogenic bowel was discovered. I have a follow-up u/s next Thursday. He thinks it's not likely to be indicative of CF or trisomy, since I screened negative as a CF carrier and the NIPT results came back 1/10,000 for trisomies. It's unclear to me whether they will do more blood tests to look for infection or if the MFM will push for an amnio.

    I feel worried and miserable and DS was sent home with stomach flu today. I feel locked in to at least another week of physical and emotional suffering. I don't know that this pregnancy will ever bring me joy, even as desperately as I want this baby.

  35. endymion4

    apricot / 365 posts

    @periwinklebee: thank you! and hope your doctor gets sorted out so you'll have that connection soon!

  36. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2241 posts

    @azjax: I'm so so sorry. My heart just sunk to read this, you've been through enough already. Thinking of you as you wait for the follow up. I don't know anything about what they saw but maybe someone here has had a similar experience. I know it really sucks now but at least don't feel guilty about not enjoying it. Be as kind to yourself as you can. We are all thinking of you.

  37. Mrs. Oreo

    GOLD / pear / 1534 posts

    @azjax: I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'll be thinking of you.

  38. endymion4

    apricot / 365 posts

    @azjax: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Will be thinking of you!

  39. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20715 posts

    @azjax: I'm so sorry you have any worry in this pregnancy. I think as far as anatomy scan issues, echogenic bowel is a fairly common one that usually resolves or has no cause. My good friends baby was diagnosed with one and had a bunch of extra monitoring but everything was totally fine. Thinking of you!!

  40. Jruess

    grape / 79 posts

    I guess I'm going to jump in here. Finding out we are expecting again has been much harder than I anticipated.

    How Far Along Currently: 5 weeks

    EDD: January 23 based on LMP but I think I ovulated a little later.

    Loss History: Lost a baby girl in February at 16 weeks

    Next Milestone: Honestly, just trying to survive each day. My emotions are all over the place and I'm wondering if we should have waited longer before trying again. I fluctuate between trying to ignore the pregnancy in order to protect myself & telling myself to love & enjoy this baby as long as we have it.

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