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Thanks for the supportive words, ladies. Got my AFP results back and they were normal, which is great. Saw the MGM today and the bowel is still echogenic but all of the other anatomy looks great. Combined with the NIPT results, it is hopefully going to resolve without complications. I am doing a bunch of blood work (TORCH, expanded screening for CF) to help rule out some causes of the EB. That will take a week or two to come back. In the meantime I will see the MFM again on June 9 to get another look and check growth and development. I feel pretty... ambivalent about it....I guess..

We had stomach flu (not the family fun I'd hoped for) this past weekend, which was initially hard for me to tell at first because I'm still nauseous even with Diclegis some days. The timing of all of this is bad as we have two grandmas and one sister in the hospital now, and I'm trying to finish my freaking dissertation. I just wish we could have resolution on something instead of moving from one stressful uncertainty to another.

I struggle with seeing my trashy neighbor and her four!!!!! Freaking four beautiful kids that she seems to hate and ignore. I know life isn't fair and that I should only look in my neighbor's bowl to make sure he has enough, but I just feel jealousy and resentment. We just want a healthy baby, and have poured so much preparation, effort, and love in to TTC and parenting and it chaps my ass to see those with none of these attributes enjoying the blessing of so many healthy kids. Then I feel small and mean for thinking that way, ugh. Anyhow that's a lot of rambling complaint so I'll stop now.

@winniebee: thinking of you and your family

Ugh just found out that I screened positive for a recent CMV infection (IgG and IgM both high). I've been referred for an IgG avidity test and am waiting for a call from MFM on whether or not I need an amniocentesis ASAP or not. I feel awful and it's hard not to worry because I know how devastating CMV infection can be to a developing fetus.

@azjax: I'm so sorry - I know this must be really scary Will be thinking of you

@azjax: thinking of you and sending so many good thoughts.

I had a dating scan at 6 weeks but don't have my intake appt until 10 weeks. Not sure if the practice schedules other scans before the nt, or maybe anatomy if you go with nipt. I'm hoping if we make it to ten weeks to be able to find hb on a home Doppler by around then...

@azjax: Dropping in to say if you want to DM me, feel free. I'm happy to speak with you about our CMV experience if you think it might be helpful. Ours did not have a good outcome unfortunately, but mine is a very rare case. We're here for you whatever happens. I know it must be incredibly worrying but the good thing is you know about it now.

@Academicsocialite: @winniebee: thank you for the thoughts and support. I have been vacillating between a feeling that my baby is okay and absolute nonstop tears depression. My MFM sent me for CMV IgG avidity testing and blood and urine screening for virus in my body. We have decided to do the amniocentesis at our scan on Friday. I reached out to the two national CMV experts (Dr. Demmler-Harrison and Dr. Adler if anyone else ever needs to know) and Dr. Adler was able to provide me with a phone consultation in addition to the email support and got from Dr. Demmler-Harrison. It was shocking to me how kind and responsive they were! Anyhow, they both think it is likely baby is CMV infected, as they have observed echogenic bowel as the most common clinical manifestation of CMV by ultrasound. That was hard to hear but is what I've been suspecting myself. In that case, probability of a negative outcome is 1/3 which is horrifying. Dr. Adler is willing to provide me with a referral to a NYC Doc or protocols to my OB and MFM if I can get them on board with Cytogam immunoglobulin therapy. We may also persistent Valacylovir antiviral therapy in conjunction with Cytogam. However, this is contingent on baby not presenting with malformations incompatible with a decent quality of life on Friday (because then we will TFMR) and convincing all of the docs that they should give us therapy even if by some small chance baby doesn't have CMV.

Frankly, I struggle more each day with jealousy and bitterness on top of the dread and sadness. One of my son's classmates is expecting a sibling soon, and I am jealous of that Mom's healthy pregnancy even though her daughter was probably exposed to CMV at the same time my son was. I know it's wrong to feel that way, but I am jealous. And angry. Then I feel guilty because I'm struggling to enjoy what may be the limited time I do have with my daughter. I hate this.

@azjax: I'm so sorry Thinking of you and so hoping that you're in the group who end up with a good outcome. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

@azjax: thinking of you! So glad things went well today!

@Jruess: I hope things went well.

@azjax: I'm glad to hear that things looked good today. I hope you get the amino results back as fast as possible and are able to start the treatment. Will be thinking of you and your family.

@azjax: glad that baby looked good, and that you seem to have a great support system there with proactive drs, etc. Thinking of you

I just scheduled my first appointment today, and I already have a sense of dread about it ugh. I feel silly even making the appt since it's so early.

@theotherstark: hah hah I hope the time between now and then flies by (I know, not exactly a realistic hope!) Or at least that you don't have to dread it too much. Sending so many positive thoughts...

@Jruess: I'm so glad to hear the appt went well! I think it's pretty normal to not feel that reassured by a heart beat early on - I definitely didn't given that we saw a hb with our loss, and I'm sure it's harder the later the loss was. I think though once you pass the point of your last loss and can feel the baby move, things will get easier. I know it's a long time to feel so much uncertainty

@Jruess: congratulations on a good u/s! Hopefully every milestone you pass brings you more peace and confidence.

AFM, I am starting valacylovir 8g/day today, as my OB was convinced of the prophylactic and treatment values since the meds are well tolerated and safe for pregnancy. We had to haggle with the shrew of a pharmacist TWICE and a month's regimen set me back $200 but I am thrilled to be doing something. My OB has started to work on getting the HIG course approved by my insurance, which I think is going to be a heinous battle based on how crappy they were about prior authorization for my antiemetic and antiviral.

@azjax: I'm glad you're able to get access to the meds, and I hope insurance is not too horrible to deal with - completely the last thing you need now

@winniebee: You're so close After everything you've been through, if I was in your position I'd be a total wreck. I hope the ultrasound gives some reassurance and he decides to make his appearance soon Be as kind to yourself as you can in the meantime.

MFM just called and let me know that FISH results came back reporting the baby as chromosomally normal, which is great. However, we will have to wait 2-6 more days for the CMV results. Not going to lie, I was pissed! My MFM is feeling similarly impatient and has instructed his nurse to call the lab every morning until they have a result.

I'm assuming it's going to be positive, but we have to have the official diagnosis so that my OB can submit the prior authorization and receive the first rejection before we make any real progress. So far, the antivirals have made me occasionally dizzy and thirstier than usual, but I am doing well taking them every 6 hours.