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@Oxana: Aww the apartment thing would disappoint me too!

As far as just general irritability, I find I feel like that if I haven't had any "me time" to recharge lately. For me, I feel recharged by leaving the house by myself and going shopping or to the library or to walk around a bookstore - Target counts, grocery shopping does not count. I know other people recharge by getting a manicure or going out with friends.

If I haven't gotten any "me time" lately, I definitely feel irritable and snippy with my husband. Can you take some time to go do something you enjoy?

I'm in one now I get stuck in a bad place and it's just all bad! I could barely sleep last night because I was SO angry at SO that I do most of the laundry

If I am feeling irritated with DH my first instinct is always me time, but that never really seems to help long term. What works for us is doing something fun together... Hiking a new trail followed by a nice lunch out, taking a long drive with good coffee, going to a local festival, things like that. Plus, sex. I've found that when we are feeling off, it's a sign that we need to recharge and reconnect.

@Ms maths: YES, this! I work AND do most of the housework. He does "help" but I *hate* that he views it at as help and not divided duty - I work full-time for god's sake. But as you said, other 'arrangements' just don't work - it never gets better It's like he just doesn't SEE it. He doesn't SEE the laundry and the dishes and whatever else.

I hate when men blame things on hormones... But for me, I think they're a big part of it

I found DH SO annoying when I was pregnant. I really regret that we weren't that happy shiny excited couple.

And I just noticed it coming back...just in time for AF. Like, even the sound of him chewing makes me ragey. It happens mid cycle too.

I usually try to not say anything, but will if he doesn't catch on. In your apartment case, I think it would be better to tell him how that made you feel in case it happens again.

I've also been trying to "warn" DH more when I'm on edge or know AF is coming or whatever. Then at least he doesn't totally step in it an mistakenly make things even worse.

I feel like this from time to time. Why do I have to be "in charge" of so much in the house? Childcare, what's for dinner, etc. I try to focus on DH's responsibilities that I do not help with. For example, I do zero yard work. He cuts the grass and we live on an acre. So in 100 degree summer weather, he is out there for two days straight taking care of the outside of the house. I also try to remember that his responsibilities with the kids continue to grow as they get older. At 1st it was all me, but as we add kids and they get older, they start going to him for a lot.

I feel like a little bit of occasional resentment is normal for all relationships, not just marriages. I mean, put me in a situation with any individual on this planet (my mom, my best girl friend, whoever) where we both have to work full time and take care of 2 kids, neither of which sttn, and there is going to be some resentment.

It totally happens with my husband and I (for allllll of the reasons other ladies have listed above, mainly related to household balance), but I noticed when my mom is visiting us to help, or my inlaws are here to help, I start resenting them over different little things.

I think it's just a symptom of overworked and over-tired adults.

@Anagram: yes, agreed on overworked, overtired adults.

I have to just tell my husband, hey, can you do xyz for me. It isn't that he doesn't want to, he just doesn't appreciate that all the little things add up. I don't mind doing the laundry and ironing the shirts, but please, unroll the sleeves and undo the collar buttons. It doesn't seem like a lot, but when you have 5 shirts, I am standing in front of the washer for an extra 5 minutes when you can do it in 15 seconds when you take the shirt off!

@BandDmommy: Yes! And my son is actually the worst offender on this at the moment, the weird stuff he has in his pockets, oh my.

I have major struggles with this well. DH really loves his work. He is a journalist and also manages social media for his org so he is basically on call 24/7. He seems to accomplish so much in his work each day, yet is the worst at being accountable for small tasks around the house like putting away the dishes, remembering to feed the dog, taking the recycling out before it piles over. I often feel like he does nothing unless I specifically ask him to. And even then it will turn out he wasn't listening closely to me! Last night I fell asleep on the couch and had washed our cloth diapers but I asked him to put them in the dryer on the way up to bed. He has done it before, and I've done my best to explain each step but of course he forgot to take the Flip covers out to air dry. I thought of it at 5am this morning while nursing and asked him if he remembered. Argh!

@Ms maths: for me it's a combination of both dealing with my issues and expectations and him doing more. It's
Give and take. I've learned to let go a little of expecting him to do everything the way I want when I want it, allowing for some flexibility for him and for me to relax more (a messy house isn't the end of the world!) but it also requires him to give a little and meet me halfway.

When I get like this there is usually a reason (good or not) that I just haven't realized yet. So I usually try to think through to the last time I was really happy and what has happened since and see if I can identify what he first did that pissed me off. Or sometimes it isn't even him. Sometimes I"ll realized that I was really stressed about X and didn't even realize I was stressed but being in that mode made me irritable.

I'm going through something like this right now with my spouse. I know that it's 100% related to external circumstances (my job), but I can feel the resentment building toward him and I don't like it. I have a feeling that we are going to have a talk soon because I just can't keep up with it all anymore.

I don't really have any good advice, but I am right there with you! Our daughter is 14 months, and for most of her life I have just felt so frustrated and resentful towards my husband - it's bad and I hate it!

In the beginning, it was that he was getting more rest and time away than I was, and now it is that I do more of the housework (and still that he gets more time away). I just have to keep reminding myself that it is at least half my choice to be doing these things - if I don't do them he does help out - and he is also generally responding to my complaints and putting in more effort.

I keep hearing that it gets better as the kids get older, so I'm just holding out and focusing on that...

Yep. We go through this too every now and again. I agree with me time. Sometimes I need more sleep. I try making sure I'm taking my omega threes.

Last time we went through this I Was really upset. Try equallysharedparenting.com. They have these worksheets about balance, for housework, parenting stuff and finances. I made my husband go through them with me and I pointed out the things that I do that he doesn't think about. It was hard but it helped.

I definitely hear you, and can recognise similar moments with us during extended periods of Groundhog Day type weeks, where we are both just exhausted. It sounds really cheesy but sometimes I like to remind myself that we are both on the same 'team' and not to try and score points. That usually makes me come around. As well as a heart to heart with DH. He's pretty happy to change things up if I tell him directly (me time in or out of the house, need help cleaning, meal planning etc), but it's when I keep it bottled up that I get really upset. It can sometimes become passive-aggressive too, where I'll try and do it all myself but not in a genuinely happy way, so when it gets like that I know I need to bring it up & talk it out

Date nights without kids is a really nice luxury too that helps if you can swing it!