SAHPs how do you respond when someone tells you how lucky you are and they wish they could SAH too? I know I am very fortunate to be able to SAH and it is something I want to do. I realize there are also SAHPs who would love to WOH too. I just want ideas for a sensitive way to respond when someone says they are not happy with their current situation!
-
This one makes me uncomfortable. Usually I'll say something like "I'm so grateful we can make it work" and change the subject.
-
yeah - it totally makes me uncomfortable too. I don't really have a good answer. SOmetimes I just say, oh it's not all rainbows and sunshine but it is what works best for us right n ow.
-
@Anutka: I say something along these lines too. It's hard to be in that position...
-
@Anutka: @Tidybee: @Mrs. Lion: definitely makes me uncomfortable. And it probably is different depending on who says it. Most recently it's another mom I don't know very well at all so I'm just not sure what to say.
-
I'm in a weird situation since I was laid off and do intend to go back to work but just haven't yet (4.5 mo pp and no job in sight). So I have a lot of my friends tell me this and I basically just say that I'm grateful for the time I have home with her now, especially since I don't know how long it will last.
-
I'm not home permanently, but because I am a teacher, I had the opportunity to take an extended leave. No pay, no benefits, but I do have a job to go back to. I hear a lot how lucky I am (and I really am grateful and recognize that I'm fortunate to have this opportunity), and it always makes me very uncomfortable because the truth is that I do not love staying home and look forward to going back to work. I usually just say I'm grateful for this time and leave it at that, but sometimes I will be more honest if I know the person well and can phrase it carefully.
-
@Mae: @gilmoregirl: thanks for your input ladies!
-
It is a little awkward, but I try to just be empathetic and say "I know, I am very fortunate to be able to stay home", so similar to @Anutka
-
@fairy: thanks!
I appreciate all the responses. It helps to know I'm not the only one who finds this a tricky conversation to have!
-
Some people say this to me about my part-time work from home job, and I just say, "Yes, we feel really lucky." There are real challenges and it is not nearly as perfect and easy as anyone thinks, but I don't want to get into that, or seem ungrateful, so I just leave it at that.
-
This one also makes me uncomfortable because it's not always luck. For us it was planning ahead and now, making sacrifices to make it work. Are we lucky? Not as much. Are we fortunate? Yes. But, it's not without it's own set of pros and cons.
-
@Boogs: i agree with this too. We planned for many years to make it happen, and make some significant lifestyle changes so that we can. I realize that not everyone can, or wants to, make those sacrifices. But sometimes i wonder if people know that there is hope, that they maybe can make it work if it is really what they want. But i keep my mouth shut about all of that because, although i want to help and technically they brought it up i would feel extremely presumptuous ever saying anything. It just hurts my soul to see mommas not able to make the choice they wish they could make, whether that choice is sah or woh.
-
I just say that it has it's good points and bad points!
-
Yeah I just say that I went back to work after he was born but then we moved cross country so I had to quit my job and now I'm pregnant so we will reasses after this baby is born.
-
@Mrs. Lion: Exactly, it's hard to hear when people aren't happy.
-
@Boogs: @Mrs. Lion: yes we planned and made lots of sacrifices for years before even ttc but I don't feel like I could share that with most people! And also sometimes even when you make all the right plans life just doesn't work out the way you want it to. I just am always afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting someone's feelings.
-
No one has said this to me yet but on days like today I would be tempted to say I wish daycare wasn't so expensive and I could find another job.
-
@Boogs: I totally agree with this. I'm not a SAHM yet (we're still TTC) but we put off TTC for multiple years so that we could be in the financial position for me to stay home. There is no luck about it. It was hard work and planning ahead that are going to allow me the opportunity.
I understand how it would be an uncomfortable conversation but I feel like I'd have a hard time telling someone I was "lucky". And it sucks to see someone not happy with their current situation but I don't see how you go about helping them see that they can change it without sounding condescending.
-
@jedeve: thats the other thing. Sometimes you just have a bad day and say "I wish I could do things differently" and other times you genuinely want a change but it's not possible. I guess there just is no magical phrase that I can say to make things ok!
-
I always just say that I am thankful that it is what works best for our family, to be honest any job I could probably get would MAYBE cover child care so it's not worth it at all.
-
@Mrs.KMM: Agreed. Totally uncomfortable for both sides because you don't want people just saying how lucky you are, but don't want to come off as condescending when explaining yourself.
I wish I was able to woh part time for a little extra cash. With DH's work schedule I have the time, unfortunately I haven't had luck finding something with flexibility.
-
@cyndistar3: True! I figure if I'm just working to cover childcare, might as well be my own child care lol.
-
I agree that it's an awkward thing to say! I never respond that yes, I'm lucky, b/c that has nothing to do with it. Living within our means, not having new cars or a big house and planning in advance are hard work, as is wrangling a toddler all day! Plus everyone's situation is soooo different, I think changing the subject is the best course of action.
-
@tororojo: you are absolutely right! I will just try to change the subject next time this particular person mentions this.
-
I always said it has its pros and cons, just like every other thing in life.
-
I would probably say "yes, we are really blessed and thankful". If it was a more in depth conversation, I might discuss with them ways they could make SAH work for them?
-
It's a sensitive subject, so if I don't really know the person I just kind of agree with them and say I'm thankful. I find it's easier that way.
If it's someone I know better, then I'm more honest and willing to have a real conversation about the pros/cons. Generally speaking I find that society gets really weird about what can be perceived as SAHM's "complaining" about being at home. It's safer to not go into details with strangers, as far as I'm concerned
-
I usually say it's hard work on both sides. I wish everyone could do whichever they would prefer.
-
This is such a hard topic. I am staunchly in the "I don't want to be doing this, but it is my reality" team. I miss working. I miss adults. I miss the panic of getting family meals together after work. I miss a lot about life when I WOH.
That being said, I recognize that there are lots of challenges in that realm too.
I guess my response would be to just nod along. Everyone is fighting their own fight. I know very few people who find their daily grind, whatever it might be, to be all rainbows and butterflies...and sometimes it just isn't worth me sharing that.
....
But over a glass of wine with a girlfriend? Totally different story -
I agree with @looch.
-
@woodentulip: word.
Reply
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
31 comments