So, DD will be 2 1/2 weeks old on Thanksgiving. We are planning to go to dinner at DH's grandparents house. There will be about 25-30 people there. I want to try to keep DD from gathering any germs. Having people wash their hands, use hand sanitizer, and watching that no one holds her if they are sick are all part of my plan. I am sure DH's sister will have something to say about me trying to be controlling or overprotective. Any suggestions on what to say to her? I try to avoid confrontation with DH's family at all costs, but not over keeping my baby healthy.
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It's really hard - DS2 was born right before the holidays and I wish I had been more vigilant because he caught his first cold at 4 weeks old. I would try to keep any small children completely away from her!
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@winniebee: That's what I'm worried about with my SIL. She has a three year old and a one year old that I know she's going to say can hold them. DS and I have already battled a cold since she's been home and I can't imagine if she got sick as well. I'm going to have to just be tough, but I am so not good at it.
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@JennyG: I'd keep your LO away from small children. Also carry around hand sanitizer and have people use before holding your LO. I know sounds crazy but at that young age they haven't had any shots and it's flu season.
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Our DD was born 11/15 and we just made a rule that anyone holding her had to wash/sanitize their hands. Both DH and I were in agreement and we didn't bend any rules. To heck with what others thought, we were doing the best thing for our DD. It worked too b/c DD didn't get sick at all during that time
Just be open about it and if anyone gives you a problem just tell them you are just looking out for your new baby and if they don't agree then they can pass on holding her
ETA: I don't think looking out for your innocent newborn is being a b!tch, just my opinion though
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@JennyG: Yep, my cousin allowed her two 5 year olds to touch the baby and I wasn't confrontational about it, but should have been. I later saw one of them coughing and JUST KNEW. It's hard to be a bit#h but you just have to do it sometimes!
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I'm the worse at being polite about stuff like this and will say something that a) assumes the other person totally agrees with me and b) leaves little room for them to say otherwise.
So, in this situation I would say something like: "SIL, you know how long it took/ excited we are to finally have baby girl. We didn't want to miss out on Thanksgiving with all the family, but honestly her immune system is barely functioning on it's own. Maybe you can help me watch out for sniffles and coughs to keep her healthy."
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@JennyG: there isn't anything wrong in telling your nieces and nephews that the baby is too little right now to be held by them. If you don't want to seem like a meanie to the kids "woman up" and have the conversation with your SIL as soon as you see her there.
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I would def not hesitate to say that the kids can't hold the baby. And I think people should automatically wash hands before touching her--everyone i know does this anyway!
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Also I would wear her! I'd she's sleepinh in a carrier, no one else can hold her and it limits the touching as well.
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I don't know why people wouldn't willingly sanitize/wash before asking to hold the baby, but def. say something about it. I agree with others, I wouldn't let any of the kids touch my newborn because they are germ factories and it's flu season. If you are super worried about it, you could wear the baby most of the time or switch off with your husband. It's important that you are both a team when it comes to this.
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I wore my baby is situations like that. Then there is no option for holding.
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My daughter was about a month old at Thanksgiving, and we skipped it. I knew my family would complain about hand-washing and keeping sick kids away, so I figured I would skip the frustration and let them talk about how over-protective I was behind my back.
We did go to Christmas and I wore her in a wrap and kept her in the Moby most of the time. Also, I felt totally crazy, but I closely observed people for signs of sickness from the start and only let them hold her if they "checked out". Whatever, she didn't get sick!
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I think you are brave for even taking your LO. I am overprotective and probably would skip the whole thing. It would stress me out too much but I am an over cautious parent!
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Definitely babywear. Hopefully she falls asleep and most people will be a lot less likely to expect to hold her and will be more reluctant to touch her.
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"that is your opinion and it doesn't matter"
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I third baby wearing. That solves a lot of problems.
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I would skip a gathering of that size - it's just too much exposure at that age for me . I also come from a small family though, so 30 people at dinner seems huge to me. If you're comfortable going, I would wear her and not let anyone hold her. That seems extreme but I think a blanket "no" is easier to enforce that selecting who can and can't hold her.
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DS1 was born a week before Thanksgiving 3 years ago and we skipped out on going. But we ended up going to my parent's house the next day to see my brothers and their families. I didn't know until we got there that my mom invited a bunch of other people to come see the baby. I wasn't too happy about it. All of the kids did want to hold him so I made them all wash their hands and I had him ridiculously wrapped in a blanket so not much could get on him and only let them hold him for a few secs. Basically, enough to get a picture.
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I'd skip bc everyone is gonna want to hold her, even if they wash hands you just don't know. But my LO got a virus at 3 days old and was hospitalized for a week, on IV antibiotics and it was hell. That's unusual but after going through that I'd do whatever was necessary to keep her healty. I thought the ped would say just watch him at home, make sure he's hydrated, etc. But at that young age, we got an automatic hospital admission, blood and urine culture, lumbar puncture, etc. So, I'm more of a nervous Nelly than most!
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A great piece of advice I got this week from a lactation consultant was to give your baby lots of wet kisses on her face and hands after people have touched her... You take in the germs and start producing antibodies that you pass on in your milk, if breastfeeding. Double protection!
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I'd wear her! That way it's too annoying for people to paw her or ask you to take her out of the carrier to hold her.
ETA: I see everyone else suggested the same thing
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Yup, mine was a week old at Thanksgiving last year. I wore her, but people definitely still asked to hold her any time they saw me changing or nursing her. I brought sanitizer and had DH be the bad guy half the time. We blamed the ped but did let my grandfather hold her. She got her first cold a week later, but I don't think it was due to Thanksgiving.
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I would just say - we've already been through one cold and if she gets a fever, she's going straight to the hospital because she's younger than six weeks. Or what I have done (to my BIL who is very snooty about me being a FTM) is just say. "Hey, let me have my FTM crazies and you can hold the next one!"
Plus wrap LO up in a stretchy carrier. People find those fairly intimidating. I took LO to a dinner with about 15 people when she was about a month old and specifically wrapped her so people couldn't just snatch her. Good luck!
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I love blaming professionals for things that annoy others. I'd say something like "Our pediatrician was really adamant about us limiting her interactions with others, especially since it's flu season and she hasn't been vaccinated yet!" And then wear her or just not let others hold her (or insist on washing hands first).
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I think that wearing her will deter people from touching her without permission. It's definitely OK to tell the kids she isn't big enough to be held yet. RSV is no joke, and the season is upon us.
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That is a lot of people to have around her at a very young age. I wouldn't let a single person hold her, personally. When our LO was that young we didn't let her near anybody who hadn't agreed to get their vaccine boosters, I don't see how you could be sure of that around so many people.
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At less than 2 months old, I wouldn't bring LO to large crowds esp in cold and flu season. If she gets a fever it's an automatic trip to the hospital.
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babywear!
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Generally, people were surprisingly careful about asking me before they touched my son. They never just grabbed him. If you are afraid, I second just putting him in a Moby or Boba wrap.
I was pretty careful about people touching my son, but I usually prefaced it with "you are welcome to hold him if you wouldn't mind using hand sanitizer - he wont have his first round of shots until he's 2 months old so we are trying to be careful since its cold and flu season." Usually that kept people from even coming near my baby - that little reminder usually gets them to think carefully about whether or not they've been around a sick person or if they've washed their hands recently. Adults generally didn't let their kids touch my baby.
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Lots of great ideas from pp. I also like this line for kids "the baby's doctor said kids can only touch her feet during cold season Because she won't put those in her mouth yet, silly baby. Want to count her toes?"
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@Adira: ditto to this! I always blame someone else.
If your newborn does get sick though, you won't be the first. Ds is 7 weeks old and has had two colds, one of which was easy (just congestion) and one was pretty nasty for all of us who got it. Just wanted to throw that out there because I felt pretty guilty about "letting" him get sick. He lives with a 3 year old, newly in preschool.. You know, the kind of kid other people try to keep their newborns away from! We do try to have dd only touch his feet or maybe the top of his head. Eta, and during that cold I had it too and wore a mask and washed hands ALL THE TIME. It does happen.
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@MrsADS: we got this too, at 5 weeks (2 weeks ago.) But we were only there 3 nights including the ER.
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I would babywear! People will be less tempted to reach out and touch your baby if she's nice and close :).
I would also make it seem more like the Ped is requiring handwashing/sanitizing. Our Ped made a big deal about us taking our 5 week old to church (even though I insisted I would babywear, wouldn't let others touch him, etc). He went on and on about how if DS were to get sick, they'd need to admit him and put him through all this testing as a newborn, etc... scared us and others, lol.
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@JennyG: This would give me anxiety too, I feel for you. We had a fair number of large family gatherings after DD was born and I had the same concerns you did. Not wanting people to touch her, but also avoiding confrontation. My solution? I breastfed her nearly constantly until she fell asleep again and then I would just leave her attached, asleep and under the BF cover. Nobody came near her or me!! Or to really drive the point home, I would even go into another room to "bf" even if thats not what I was doing
Survival mode!
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@mauxie: I find that interesting because our ped did send us to the hospital but didn't make a big deal about it, just reassured us that the vast majority of the time it's fine, but they needed to evaluate baby.
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@2littlepumpkins: ours said if he suspected an infection he'd need to do a spinal tap and yadayada.. freaked us out!
We liked him but have since moved on to another practice in the neighborhood, hehe.
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Definitely baby wear and if you want anyone to hold her have them wash and sanitize. It's awkward but people need to understand her weak immune system. I asked everyone to wash and had my close family members all get flu and whooping cough vaccines before coming.
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My son was 6 weeks old at Passover two years ago, and I just told my parents we were skipping it that year. My mom always invites all these people I barely know -- which irritates me anyway, since I would prefer to keep this as a family holiday -- and I told her I was not willing to play Pass The Baby before his 2mo shots. Our parents and sibling came to our town and we went out for dinner instead.
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I would wear her to avoid passing her around as much as possible. Maybe you could say something like, "Since it is cold and flu season our doctor has recommended that we do what we can to avoid exposing her to unnecessary germs."
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