My child is 3.5 and is quite possibly the grumpiest person I have met in my entire life. She wakes up upset and screaming from nap and bedtime sleep and is in a bad mood for most of the rest of the day. She yells at me, hits, pushes her baby sister, on and on and on all day. She freaks out during meals because she doesn't want to eat- not anything (even if it's a favorite food and she asked for it). Her friend just left because she was so awful during a play date (the second time in a row I have had to cut a play date short with this particular friend). I'm seriously going to lose it over here. How can I get my sweet girl back?
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@caterw: if you figure it out let me know. We have also had to cut multiple play dates short and my almost 4 year old is currently crying in her room in time out because she hit her baby sister for no reason besides me not giving her my undivided attention. And this type of behavior has been going on one and off for over a year.
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@Foodnerd81: at first I wondered if the behavior was related to having a baby sister... But the baby is eight months old now so if that's it then it's time to get over it already.
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@caterw: our baby is 19 months old
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Oh man!! That sounds so tough. The only thing I can thing of is maybe she needs more sleep? Is she eating ok??
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This sounds awful. My DD (almost 4) gets nasty when she doesn't get enough sleep. Any possibility that could be the case for yours?
DD has a playmate who seems to have wild mood changes and often seems to scream at people for no good reason. I happen to know from talking to his mom that his sleep is terrible. I've always assumed it was related.
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Looking back now that dd is nearly 5, 3 was a tougher age for grumpiness. How often are these play dates and are they on top of activities and daycare or preschool? I know at 4.5 keeping my dd busy helps, but at that age it was overwhelming. I remember having similar thoughts about how grumpy she could be! Hugs to you, it feels extremely draining (especially if you are a SAHP! I went to work sometime that year, lol!) but it does pass.
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3 years old was the hardest year ever for DD1 and I. i was afraid i lost my buddy. when she got closer to 4, she started being able to control her emotions and i was getting better at figuring out what she needed, what set her off and what set me off. hang in there.
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@pachamama: @catlady: I think that sleep definitely plays a part in it. She is trying to drop her nap but I really think she still needs it. I make her take one more often than not. She typically sleeps 8-630 and takes a 2 hour nap. If she skips nap I her to bed at 730 and she "sleeps in" til 7. Sometimes she is super grumpy after a good long nap though so it can't be the only factor.
@2littlepumpkins: She isn't in activities or preschool right now. I'm a SAHM so no daycare either. Maybe the lack of a schedule is hard for her? I usually sign her up for something once a week but there are so many fun things to do over the summer here that I didn't this time. Not that we are doing anything fun because she is cranky when she wakes up and then fights me for an hour about eating/ getting dressed so we can't get out the door.
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@birdofafeather: That is super encouraging. Thank you. I do feel like I lost my best lil bud because she was the sweetest baby and toddler ever. I adore her and I hate to see her so miserable, plus I hate the fighting. I'm actually crying in the bathroom right now responding to this... She is 4 in October so hopefully she will start to even out soon.
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My daughter just turned four and we went through a three month period of awful behavior that I am certain was a delayed reaction to her brother being born. It started around the time that he was 8 months old. It was the first time she'd ever been challenging in any way and it was very hard for me.
I had really good success with the strategies from "How to talk so your kids will listen..."
I also am a BIG believer in early bed (although my daughter dropped naps completely by age 3). My daughter typically sleeps from 6:30/7:00 until -6/6:30 but if she's having a really tough day I don't hesitate to put her to bed at 6.
Going outside is our other saving grace when she has those tough days.Its really hard- I felt so sad, and missed my sweet kid, when we were in that phase. Hopefully it will be short for your daughter too
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@caterw: a schedule definitely helped even for at home days. I honestly think preschool helped mellow dd out but unfortunately that wasn't overnight by any stretch. She was a fussy newborn and infant though, so it wasn't as stark a transition for us. Four has been really nice though, so hopefully you'll round a corner soon!
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My son started acting out when DD was about 6 months. He is a happy kid but so mean to his sister. For literally no reason. Walks by and smacks her. Walks by and takes her soother. Kicks her if she takes something she shouldn't. He is nice to other kids though... it is so weird. He is 3.25 and it's been going on for almost 7 months. The last couple days have been BRUTAL so DH and I are cracking down on researching how to help him manage it. We think it's attention seeking.
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@caterw: I've been there mama. And I was quiet about it for a while. Once I opened up, I realized a lot of other mamas have gone through it too.
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Have you tried talking to her about why she's upset? My son's a month younger than your DD and I think I could get sort of an answer out of him.
Also, maybe there are some things you could do to put her in a better frame of mind when she wakes up. Is she lonely? Hungry? My DS sometimes wakes up in a weird mood where he doesn't want us to come near him. Like, I'll be getting the baby ready and he'll come peer through the crack in the door but if I talk to him or try to bring him in he'll start yelling no. So the last time I told him we would be in there getting dressed and hanging out and he could come in when he was ready. And that seemed to work well.
But if I were in your situation I'd try to talk to him a bit about what was going on. Maybe leave him a snack or a drink for when he gets up, or leave his door open so he can come right out and find someone. Sometimes he really likes to be with his sister so we've even done naps with both of them in one room, and he'll sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. He loves the sleeping bag. Of course I'd have to wait for the baby to go to sleep first.
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DD was an awful waker-upper for years. She's 4.5 now and I don't remember exactly when it stopped being terrible.
She's always been a grumpy child though. Before I had DS I was sure DD was getting her grumpiness from me. DS is a happy smily guy so now I think she's just a more serious sensitive kid.
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Could she attend preschool part-time? My LO is almost 3 yo and she is in daycare part-time and even if we have a long weeekend she starts to get super antsy and grumpier! She just needs that routine and socialization.
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@MenagerieMama: I usually do put her in a class and storytime and she is starting 3 day a week half day school in August. I'm gonna try to get her in a class for the rest of the summer or at least do a more solid routine of non- registered activities. I thought a chilled out summer would be fun since we have amusement park season passes/ splash pad/ lake/ picking fruit at a loca orchard but I am really starting to think her lack of schedule is a main component of the grump.
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@ShootingStar: I have tried to get her to tell me what is wrong but she swats me away and screams... She is highly verbal/ social so I know she is capable of letting me know if she has a complex negative feeling (Frus-tree-ated is one she uses sometimes lol) but I can't get there.
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@caterw: for what it's worth my dd never got into a consistent routine with classes like she did with preschool. She actually ended up going from three to five half days of school because even three with taking sick days and holidays and what not was hard on her, though that's not the case for every kid. So don't lose hope if the other classes aren't working. Preschool allows more free play with other kids and a combination of structured and unstructured activity, plus a routine. August is so soon!
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@caterw: Oh yeah you can't do it in the moment. You have to try when she's in a better mental place.
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I would just be sure to acknowledge feelings when she's experiencing them.
We have had success with reading "My No No No Day" - a little girl is pissed at the world all day - a real shit, lol. Her mom ends up helping her express her feelings and gives abundant love. Then the little girl wakes up in a happy mood.
Our LO now celebrates when she wakes up in a cheerful mood. It's pretty great.
Also, our LO likes undivided attention when she's moody. She likes eye contact and for me to be on her level. Even 5 minutes of me just chatting with her really helps. I think 3.5 is a beast.
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@Corduroy: My son too, he'd wake up in the grumpiest moods! It's a lot better now, but there are still days when I am seriously question why he could be in such a bad mood because the kid has a great life...then I realized that's his temperament and I just stopped trying to change it. I can only change how I react and it's made the situation so much better because I just give him his space.
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@littlejoy: I'm going to order that right now! DD loves books and responds really well to "Hey remember when so-and-so in your book did this? Let's be like them!"
@2littlepumpkins: lol I can't wait for school to start. Luckily I was able to squeeze her into a VBS for next week. Hopefully 5 days of socialization and activity will take some of the pressure off!
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@caterw: just sympathy from me. My almost 4 year old is a grade A grotbags. She wakes up happy but gets gradually angrier as we try to get her to do things she doesn't want to do - like have a wee, brush her teeth, eat breakfast, put her shoes on. She's usually crying by the time we leave the house. She hits, she flies off the handle for no reason.... if we give in to her whims she will change her mind and tantrum anyway. I'm told it's pretty standard. This age is the most fun, right?!
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@caterw: yay for that!
Just for you to get a few hours "off" from it can be so important and helpful!
Just for you to get a few hours "off" from it can be so important and helpful!
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