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No help but following as I'll be in a similar situation in October with an outside wedding, a three month old and a 21 month old who will be a flower girl, dh is also in the wedding. Did I mention outside?!?

Yikes - you're a rockstar for doing this. Are there any relatives besides your MIL that can help you? If not, and your in BIL's town, does he know anyone that could act as a mother's helper for you?

I am in the same boat. DH is best man, I am bridesmaid, and we'll have a 1 month old and 2 1/2 yr old flower girl. Since it's a family wedding, my parents are invited and will come and I'm actually going to have my sister come up and keep the baby in a hotel room and call me when it's time to nurse.

@aprild: honestly, it sounds a little unreasonable for them to expect you to get through the ceremony and reception without extra help. If they were unwilling to make adjustments for you (either being ok with you skipping the ceremony, or letting you have a plus 1), I would either consider skipping the whole thing or leaving the toddler at home with your parents if possible.

I've taken my son to 3 catholic mass weddings. One of them had a great soundproof room in the back of the church with a window, so we went in there and played. For the other two I sat at the end of the pew, brought snacks to keep him occupied for a bit, and took him out to the front part of the church when he got antsy. I don't honestly think anyone will expect him (or a newborn) to sit through mass. I'd also feed him in between ceremony & reception and bring a bag of favorite portable toys (cars, crayons, animal figurines, books) for him to play with at the table. When he gets cranky, feel free to leave. (Our son was able to sleep in a stroller by the gift table for one wedding and was jazzed about playing with kids for the others, so maybe he'll surprise you?) As for nursing, I'm not too shy so I'd find a quiet corner of the reception room and let the toddler play or watch a video on my phone. Plus your husband should be more available to help during the reception.
Good luck! I think it's doable. Plan ahead and give yourself grace if they're antsy/noisy/you need to leave early.

My brother got married 3 hours away when I had a 3 month old and a 25 month old. I was a bridesmaid and I was EBFing. It was a full mass wedding with a 3 hour break between the ceremony and reception.

My MIL came with us. She and my husband took the LOs to the ceremony and then my husband and MIL went back to the hotel with the kids (after family photos). I took pictures with the wedding party and went to the hotel right before the reception to pump.

My LO also gets really cranky when she is up past her bedtime (the reception started 30 minutes before bedtime) and I didn't want a total meltdown so everyone agreed it was best to have the kids around that weekend, but not at the reception.

If everyone was insistent that you and the kids are at the wedding, see if there is a cry room at the church. That way you would be there, but you wouldn't have to worry about keeping kids quiet.

I would consider skipping the reception or going for a very short period of time (unless you can get a babysitter for the toddler at the hotel).

Yeah, I would bring my mom, sister or patient BFF. You're going to have a newborn and a toddler, they have to understand (or my DH would make them understand) that you need help! My friend flew her MIL to New Orleans from CA to help with their 3 month old when her brother got married. You're going to need another set of hands!

Not the same because I had DH but we went to a wedding when our guys were 4 months and just turned 2. During the pretty short ceremony I had to stand in back and kind of bounce the baby. If you have to leave the church and go for a walk with the kids then do it.
I am usually a stickler for getting my toddler to bed but we stayed later than I expected at the reception. He had so much fun! Running around and dancing with his cousins.. The baby pretty much slept in the car seat at the table until the dance music started and we left. Overall it was sooooooo much easier than I expected.

I was the one having the wedding with my SIL due 6 weeks prior to and an 2.5 year toddler. We invited her in-laws to the wedding, mainly to help her. My BIL wasn't in the wedding. We also had a midday wedding to make things easier. We wanted family at our wedding. My point is ask what can be done to make it easier for you to attend the wedding.

I'm in your position as well (my brother will be getting married followed 3 weeks later by my brother in law, both out of town!)

In my case the locations are so far that I'm renting a hotel room anyways and having someone sit for me in the room so that my toddler can nap and sleep as much on his schedule as possible. My parents are helping me on one occasion and the second I think I'm having a friend who lives local do it. Is it possible for you gys to do a hotel like that??

@aprild: oh perfect! Sometimes hotels have people they recommend as sitters!

Or possibly the local people (you bro/sis in law) might have friends with kids that can recommend someone? If you could get the toddler to sleep then all they would have to do is sit there and watch! And the baby can party along with you?

Eta: I just read about your comfort level with people you don't know well whixh totally makes sense! So that probably wouldn't work

@aprild: I'd probably just skip it or sit in the very back and expect to leave the ceremony of your toddler acts up.

@aprild: is it possible for you to find a new sitter now and start using her occasionally so you're comfortable with her by the fall?

Honestly, you might just have to make peace with the fact that you will only be able to stay at the reception until you sense your toddler is starting to lose it. Kids surprise you and perhaps the excitement of it all will impact them, but I think you should just plan to stay as long as you can and then just leave. If your toddler can nap in the stroller perhaps bring that so you have some options (my nieces fell asleep in their stroller in a corner of the ballroom during my wedding).

@aprild: what about having your husband talk to his family? Does he have suggestions about who in his family (aunt, cousin, nephew) would be a good helper/pair of eyes & hands? You or your husband should definitely talk to MIL or BIL about the guest list and see who can help.

We went to a family wedding 3 hours away when our kids were 9 and 28 months. My husband was not in the wedding so he was there to help me some but it was his family so he was expected to mingle and visit with his very large family. For the ceremony they hired a baby-sitter for the church nursery which was nice in theory but there was no way my kids were going to be left with someone they didn't know, they started freaking out when we even went in the room with them. So we basically hung out in the back of the church and when they got too loud I took them in the nursery but stayed with them.

We had some time before the reception so we skipped the cocktail hour and went back to the hotel so I could breastfeed, change diapers, etc. The reception was really stressful, it was very loud and overwhelming for my LOs to see all of these people (again, huge family) they didn't know but who were excited to see them, plus it was well passed bedtime at that point. We basically ate dinner as fast as possible and then left. I know we pissed off a lot of family members by doing that but I felt like we showed up and did the best we could!

I would say the same to you, just do the best you can and do what's best for you kids. If that means leaving the reception early or even missing parts of the wedding/reception entirely then that's what you have to do.

Does your toddler get screen time? Can you buy headphones and just let him watch some tv on your phone during the ceremony? Get him to run around a lot oitside beforehand. Bring tons of snacks etc.

As for the reception I agree with stay until he loses his shit then pack up and leave. He might surprise you especially if there are other young kids around. Hopefully your baby will like to be worn then it's really doable to watch your toddler and have a NB I hand. It's only one day and it's your BIL's wedding!