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Best of luck! Seems like it would be best if you went to the ceremony and utilized a nursery space or "quiet" room when/if your toddler gets antsy or the baby needs to be fed. People will
understand if you need to leave the ceremony for a few minutes for the kids' sake. And your DH/MIL should be able to help more at the reception and if I were you, I would go to the reception for only as long as your toddler can handle it and then leave. You will have a newborn for goodness sakes! I was lucky if I showered when my LO was a month old, let alone go to a wedding with a toddler too! I think it should be enough to make an appearance and then leave soon after to get your older one to bed.

Good luck! My DH and I are both in my SIL's wedding next month and my son will be 10 months. My parents are invited too so they will be with him during the ceremony and then take him back to our house and my friend will be with him that evening at our house until we get back from the reception. (We're lucky it's a local wedding) but he hasn't spent much time with this friend so I'm not sure how he'll do, but I trust this friend 100%. I know my in-laws are not happy that he won't be at the reception but it starts an hour before his bedtime and I just could not figure out how we could bring him to the reception but have him in bed at a decent time. We certainly could not leave that early to take him home. I think my SIL has "hired" a teenager who will be watching kids at a hotel for the evening but I am not comfortable with that, plus he'll need to be sleeping! My in-laws will just have to get over it!!