There's regular talk on the boards about the 2's, and the 3's... but as we approach the 4's, I'm just curious to see what I get to look forward to in the coming years! Can any mama's weigh in on what the 4's and 5's are like? What gets easier/harder?
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Fours are tantrum filled or at least thats what it seems like these days.
It also means more independence, wanting to try and do more on their own (which leads to frustration), they also absorb and soak up so much I feel at this age.
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@Mrs. Chocolate: ha! I wasn't going to answer because I feel like my DS isn't like the rest of the crowd but glad to see 4's were the same for you!
My DS is almost 6 and its all been hard for me - he still fights back (uses words rather than tantrums), remembers EVERYTHING so you have to keep your word and watch what you say, loves exploring new things. Likes to be challenged with science, math, and physical activities.
One thing I love is that I can take him on errands with me where we go to 4-5 stores and in and out of the car and he does awesome!
No naps so schedules are wide open
The clever things he comes up are just fascinating to me!
He thinks he knows everything and it very hard to convince him otherwise.
Stubborn at times but so full of love too!
I love the independence of waking, dressing, brushing teeth, getting drinks and snacks all on his own. He loves to cook now as well which is so much fun!! He requested his own apron for his bday =)
Overall I am LOVING his age - the good and the bad!
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Fours were TOUGH for me! Mostly because we moved overseas and I had to move my kids from our house to a temporary house for 1.5 months and then to a new country in another house. I felt the changes changed how his fours would have been like, but the attitude, I feel, would be the same. They get it at that age and will let you know!
@Mamaof2: Wow, you described my oldest almost to a T who is 5.5 except for the nap part. He still needs one if we have time for it but can do fine without it too. He's so easy to bring out with me compared to my 2.5.
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I agree on the no naps! Sometimes our almost five-year-old son has a sleep deficit or a busy day though, and he'll still nap on those days.
He's so independent! I love it too, but was surprised at how sometimes his independence can feel like a little bit of a rejection for you as a parent if you've been helping your kid for years on something!! It pushed me to realize that I should be the one encouraging him to be independent, versus being surprised when he brings it up.
I can trust him to stop running down the street when he gets to an intersection. That was huge for us, since we do so much walking in the city.
He's really getting into his friends, and his world is expanding between his family. It's awesome, and reminds me that I did the same thing as a kid! Friends were my world, and now they're his world too.
He's started to "parent" his little sister here and there, which was a big surprise to us the first few times it happened! Just little things like telling her that she can't do things... not a big deal, but didn't expect that.
Oh and every phrase I've ever used in frustration ends up being repeated back to me later. It's made me realize that I should start meditating or something... it's like a mirror being held in front of me as a parent!
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My daughter turned 4 last month, and I’m liking 4, for the most part it is better than 2 and 3. Rare are the tantrums now, and if they start coming, it’s been easy to redirect her, whereas when she was 2 turning 3, those tantrums were just awful…and long. But at 4, DD sure whines a lot, which drives me batty sometimes, BUT I’ll take whining over tantrums. We have some real good back and forth conversations, and she can explain to me how she feels, what hurts, what she needs help with; she can really understand (for the most part) about waiting, being patient, being polite. She really has a good time whenever we take her out, whether we go shopping or to an amusement park or the pool, it just seems so much easier to entertain her and she can really get involved with what’s going on around her. She’s a lot more independent and can do a fair amount of independent play and can dress herself, get her own snacks and cup of milk. No more naps though has been my saddest thing, so keeping up with her all day can be hard, but again, she can do a fair amount of independent play and can read books and color by herself while I take a 30 minute breather (which usually gets occupied taking care of the 21 month old). I also love that our take along bag is so much lighter—no more carrying bottles, or pumps, or diapers for her…just a change of clothes, cup of water, some wipes, and we’re good to go for the day. But sometimes I have to remind her to tell me when she has to go potty, there have been a few incidents at the mall or at the park, where she didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. But shame on me too for not insisting on having her go before we leave the house. You’re gonna like 4, but it’s also a reminder as she gets more independent, your LO is not so little anymore.
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The responses have me nervous, but excited at the same time! Not looking forward to MORE negotiation, MORE complexity, tantrums, defiance, and willpower... but am looking forward to the increase in the independence, exploration, and wit.
@Mrs. Chocolate: Noelle does that now (the independence) - "I want to do it!" feels like her favorite phrase these days, but most of the time she still needs my help. When she is able to get it on her own, she smiles so proudly and says, "Look mama! I did it! I can do it!" - and I was hoping you would say something like the tantrums get better at 4... but I guess that was wishful thinking on my part.
@Mamaof2: A lot of the things you listed have me excited - I can't wait to cook with her more! So much to look forward to, except I know I will mourn the day when she completely drops her nap!
@erwoo: I can't imagine having to move overseas with two in tow! I remember you having to solo parent for awhile too while you all got settled, and don't know how you got through all that, but you did!
@mrbee: The rejection thing is a good thing for me to keep in mind. I already get twinges of sadness these days when I see how grown up Noelle seems at times. Oh, and Noelle is definitely the typical bossy older sister - she has been parenting Jaren from day one! Yesterday I told Jaren to "apologize" (more for Noelle's sake since he can't talk yet), and Noelle said, "Mommy - he's just a baby... he doesn't know." - haha!
@kakimochi: I loved reading your response - you make the fours sound so appealing - I know the experience will look different for everyone, but it's helpful to hear all the positives! I don't think I'll ever get used to the whining... but I think I whined up until I left for college, so... that's not something I expect to ever go away.
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4s were pretty ok, 5s were so rough. Every child is different. My DD didn't have terrible twos or 3s but we had "F'in fives" (thanks to mrs. Bird for that name, I will always be grateful to you for giving me my battle cry). My DD seemed to regress to a strange toddler state of meltdowns and crying jags. She couldn't handle any kind of criticism. She wanted to give her little brother away. We were yelling at each other. She was falling apart at school . Fives really made me question what was important to do as a parent. I read so many self help and parenting books. I also cut my work hours way back to get a grip on myself. She also went to see a therapist briefly. In the end it was a passing stage and things are much better now, and she is turning 6 next Friday . She is a great helper, loves to bake, loves to make rainbow loom bracelets and said she wants a thousand more little brothers (yeah, nope). I think the most important thing for me during that time was showing myself compassion and showing her compassion. And also just being patient for things to work themsleves out. Also some really great mommy friends helped me stay sane.
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@mrbee: and I agree so much with you.. You really start to see what kind of impact you are having on your kids as a parent. The good, bad and ugly!
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@T-Mom: "F'in fives" haha yes!!! They are/were!!!
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@Mamaof2: isn't that awesome?! I don't know why but that phrase saved me!
I also think my experience was really not the norm.. Like I said every child is different. My DD is really such a loving girl and this morning she gave me a card that said "best mommy ever".. Did I mention the fact that they start reading and writing is so cool??
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@T-Mom: F in fives huh? Will have to keep that one in my back pocket. Thank you for being so brutally honest about it all. Sorry, I had to chuckle when you said she wanted to give her little brother away! Do you think therapy helped? I'm so glad things are a lot better for you guys now!
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@Mrs. High Heels: Yes, she would cry and beg me to give her little brother away and trade him for another baby of a good friend of mine, haha. We only did the therapy for a few times and it was really more like therapy sessions for me while she played with sand. I definitely learned a lot about myself in the past year.. it's been very eye opening! Sorry, didn't mean to be so brutally honest earlier.. it just came out! Fingers crossed that you are going to love the 4s and 5s
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@T-Mom: F'in fives!! HAHA, man, that is spot on...
The 4's were pretty good. He was more independent, less tantrums than the 3's, he could make his bed and fold his laundry, started sports...so that was fun! Then the 5's came (we're 4 months in), he's really been testing the boundaries, pushing my buttons, using his smarts to get away with things...ugh. So hard. I'm hoping school will help him.
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Sweet, f'in 5's! Looking forward to it...
I feel like a lot of the same things happen over and over - testing boundaries, defiance, stubbornness - in the 2's, 3's, 4's. But it all becomes more intense with each year as they get smarter and better at testing you.
Totally agree with @mrbee: about them being so good at throwing things back in your face!
So...are we saying that 6 year olds are really good??
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This is thread is so helpful. I can't imagine a world without naps!
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This thread has been very eye-opening for me too. I guess as they get older, it'll just be more of the same. Some things get better, others get worse. It's helpful to have my expectations in check, instead of thinking "I can't wait until they hit the 4's and the 5's!" because it's not true that it all suddenly becomes easy and the tantrums, defiance, whining, etc. just suddenly goes away.
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@T-Mom: haha. My mom always said I was the worst at age 5 too!
She said her mom just told her "Well you were the one that taught her how to think for herself"
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@Andrea: I'll let you know how the 6s go, haha...
@Mrs. High Heels: it kinds of depends on the dynamic you have going with your kids.. My DD and I are so much alike that I forget she's really just a baby still and put so much on her. I had to really keep reminding myself of that. You will probably have an easier time than me @T.H.O.U.: that's pretty funny
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