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That's tough. I would avoid interacting with them at all, avoid family gatherings. I wouldn't want my kids around that, period. (I don't want my kids around that, period. I think my in-laws voted for Trump and I'm having a hard time reconciling that).

This is a tough situation. My immediate family members are Trump supporters and I'm not going to cut them out of our lives for that reason alone, but I refuse to talk politics with them anymore. If they bring up any racist or similar talk, I try to shut it down immediately. Sometimes I literally walk away from the conversation. It's hard but we have all mostly figured out that we need to keep to neutral topics. I definitely try to make them aware that I don't want to talk about certain things with them though, especially in front of my DD.

If extended family were making offensive comments, I would probably try to just avoid talking with them at all. My SIL's ILs say extremely offensive things sometimes so when we see them at holidays at SIL's house now, our family just hangs out in a different room than theirs. That's a little easier since they are not my family though.

Similar situation going on here. I have the benefit of distance as I live on a different continent from my dad, who is a Trump supporter. I decided last year not to ever again engage in political conversation with him. I shut it down immediately. I did not respond today when he sent a message about it. He and I won't change each other's minds, so it isn't worth the effort. On the rare occasion he is around my children and makes comments, I immediately step in and say I do not want my children exposed to racist, bigoted or otherwise vile commentary and if he wants to see my children, he needs to keep his political thoughts to himself.

I just cancelled a flight home over the holidays. I can't face my mother or bring my daughters around her knowing that she is ok with the things she is. We have a complicated, strained relationship currently but have been working on it. The things I have seen her write and heard her say over the past few weeks make me wish I had never started trying to repair our relationship. It's so hard, though. If I were you, I couldn't be around them for the foreseeable future. It's one thing if you silently voted for Trump because you thought he was going to help the economy or health insurance or education. It's another thing to spew racist, xenophobic, sexist speech and support that behavior.

@Anagram: I have a similar situation with a good friend who feels racism and islamophobia are just a minor difference of opinion. i cant overlook that and carry on as normal

I don't have an answer, but I'm struggling with the same.

I think it's fine and wonderful to celebrate holidays with just your immediate family. It doesn't always have to be time for extended family. That's a perfectly reasonable decision to make especially in this case.

Same boat. We have two people on my side and two on DW's side who not only voted Trump but don't understand how a Jewish, fulltime working, same sex couple with a son would have a serious, non-trivial problem with this. It's not a matter of agreeing to disagree. Family members voted to directly undercut our rights. We aren't willing to brush that under the rug.

I think you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family. I am in a situation where the bulk of my family, even my DH do not see eye to eye with me. I'm going to continue my relationships with them bc in general I know they mean well, they are good people and they just have differing views about a few things than I do. (we ultimately agree on the BIG things, so that might help) My husband and I have been round and round these issues and ironically we "agree" but felt differently about which candidate would get us what we were looking for. I'm not a fan of politics tearing apart friends/families, it's quite sad to me. I hope we can all move past our differences in opinions and ultimately be ok. Could be wishful thinking... but that's what I am hoping.

**also really hoping it doesn't come up over the holidays, but I can pretty much assure that it will...

ETA: In your situation with your cousin, I'd avoid it.... sounds like lines have been crossed that can't be undone.

Ugh, not looking forward to the holidays with my inlaws. They're in the South and voted either for Trump or Johnson. I have a feeling that I'm going to be hearing some unsavory racist (at minimum) commentary during Christmas with them. My husband was crestfallen when Trump was elected, so he's squarely against his family, so it's going to be a tough holiday for us. What's going to be especially tough is that our 4 year old will hear it and pick up on it. If he starts spouting some Trump stuff, we'll shut it down fast. I have a feeling that won't go well with my husband at all. The inlaws have no filters or sense of good behavior, so our issues with it will be seen as strict parenting not common sense.

@Anagram: I wouldn't interact with them, if it was me. If my husband wasn't comfortable, I'd tell them their values aren't acceptable to our family, so we won't be joining them for gatherings. It's sucky and would be really really hard to navigate, but I think being the "nice ones" who ignore hatefulness makes people think it's really okay after all.

@Anagram: I wouldn't go to all that trouble to visit them if that's how they make your husband feel.

For us, it's just an hour drive. And the racist jokes mostly haven't bothered my husband. So we go. In your shoes, I wouldn't though.