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Talk directly to him. "Oh honey, I actually think that's okay." Then ideally he'll say, "I don't agree" and you can say to LO, "Daddy doesn't like that right now could you please try air tapping instead? Could you please listen to Dad? Thank you sweetheart." (If you can't talk to him in private.) Or choose your battles and go directly to supporting DH like that. Or ideally he'll say, "Okay, I guess it is okay right now but in the future if I ask you to stop, you need to listen to Dad, okay?

This is very much our dynamic too, and DH gets FURIOUS when I jump in mid disciplining. I'm trying very hard to hold my tongue and discuss the issue with him later, and he's trying hard not to make as big a deal of small issues. I think it's important to present a unified front in front of LO, but it's a work in progress.

I think the bigger issue in your situation, and often in my situation, is that LO isn't listening to DH. It's not a big deal that she was drumming on the table, but it's a bigger deal that she didn't stop when she was asked. In this situation I would let him lead the discipline, and then discuss with him later why he thought it was such a big deal that she was drumming on the table.

@Autumnmama79: we deal with this too. I work really hard to make sure we are a united front so in the situation you described, I would try to back DH up by reminding LO that daddy asked her to stop and suggesting an alternate and acceptable activity. Sometimes that can defuse the situation for both DH and LO!

I almost always back up DH. In this scenario you described, if i think he is being too harsh, i will reiterate the message in a kinder way. "DD, daddy said to stop and you know that we save the singing/tapping/etc. until after dinner."

If i disagree, i'll usually mouth it to him so DD doesn't know i'm questioning him and i'll just let it be if he looks upset. I know i get upset when DH intervenes so i try to back off when i can.

In a situation like that, I would either let it go and talk to my husband later, or ask LO if she heard her father. Even if I disagree with my husband, or it's a battle I wouldn't pick, I think it's important to back him up. I think talking directly to him and saying you think the action/whatever is OK is the same as undermining.

I generally backup my husband by asking LO if she has heard him speaking, and to please listen to his words. Then, we talk in private afterwards, if it's warranted.

I wouldn't be too thrilled either, if I was in his shoes! I'd raise the issue after dinner privately maybe, and get on the same page out of earshot of the kids.

My husband has done this to me a few times and usually he is right, so I just roll with it. For example A wanted to fill her suitcase with stuffed animals and for some silly reason I kept saying no because I had just put the suitcase away. But really, it shouldn't have been a big deal I was just being unreasonable (I blame being pregnant!) I don't think there's anything wrong with DH saying she can do it and me saying you know what, daddy is right mommy was being silly you can play with it.
If it's something serious though we have each other's backs and make sure she complies with and listens to what the other said.