Another post got me thinking... If you could have your spouse say one thing to you today, what would it be? For me, I would want my spouse to tell me thank you for making him dinner. I make dinner almost every night and he rarely says thank you and it would mean so much to me to hear it.
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"Take the night off honey, I'll do everything and the way you like it" hahahah!
Ok fine. I'm the most happy when he tells me he sees how hard I work/how much I do with the kids/around the house.
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Hmmm, I honestly can't think of anything. I'm pretty sure words of affirmation is NOT my love language! LOL
Well, as I was typing that a thought popped into my head and I'd love my DH to tell me to start planning our 2019 trip to some tropical far away place.
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I'd love to hear, "You're such a good mom." I know he thinks I'm a good mom, but he rarely says it and it would mean so much to have him reaffirm it for me.
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@Adira: This one is huge for me too. I try so hard to be a good parent and I truly LOVE being a parent, so hearing him affirm that would be great.
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@Mrs. Cereal: I used to feel the same way about dinner (well, really every meal). Then one day I told DH how much it would mean for him to awknowlege when I cook for him. So he made a real effort to say it and taught DD to say it too. They now both say it for every meal and it means so much to me.
Right now I just want to hear he missed me and is happy to be with us. He has only been home for 20 days of the past almost four months due to work. It's been hard and lonely.
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“I made an appointment for a massage for you, I’ll take care of the kids. Just go.”
He’s pretty good about saying nice things and showing his appreciation. Maybe it would be nice to hear that he appreciates that I do all the planning for things since he’s terrible about planning ahead.
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I'd love to hear "why don't you work from home today and let DD stay with you?" It's been a rough few weeks and DD is really struggling this week (just emotionally, she's not sick).
And a "thank you" for basically running the household solo for three weeks would be nice, but I'll be fair, he's got other things on his mind now, so it would be odd if that was even on his radar.
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@Adira: Yup.
I know my husband thinks it, but he's a man of few words. Also a "thank you for all that you do" would be great.
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You look great, beautiful ,pretty ,sexy etc!
He is good at thanking me for all I do and being a good mom and wife, and he def shows me he is attracted to me, but I would love to hear just a "Hey you look great today!" -
“Hey why don’t you sleep in tomorrow. I’ll take the baby and sleep in the guest room and turn on all the noise machines. I’ll take the toddler when she wakes up and make sure she doesn’t bang on the door screaming ‘mama mama’ I’ll also make sure all of the kids are fed so when you do get out of bed you don’t have 2 children clawing at you like bloodthirsty zombies”.
That’s all
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"Wow, this is really hard."
(after getting up with the kids this morning to help me out, but not doing....like 50% of the stuff that needs to get done in the AM for them to get out the door, haha)
I'd really just appreciate his direct acknowledgement that what I do every.single.day. is harder than I make it look, and is valuable to our family.
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@FaithFertility: same!
"You look beautiful." This mom of a 2.5 yr old and 5 month old would love that, despite my 10-15 extra pounds and floppy wrinkly stomach skin. Despite staying-at-home currently, I even put on full makeup and do my hair 4-5 days a week and still.... crickets.
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With my recent health issues I've realized that it's so so much better just to ask for what you need than to wish your significant other could read your mind. To be fair it would be awesome if they did this stuff on their own but sometimes you just don't think about it. A few gentle reminders might get them into the habit (and I'll bet you find they were thinking of some of these things and just not voicing them)
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“I’m sorry I was so unreasonable and rigid when your parents wanted to take DS somewhere that might mean he would skip his nap”
Ugh my parents are visiting from the opposite coast and he’s being so crazy about our 2.75yo’s schedule. Like it’s a couple days! He will be fine!
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@Littlebit7: Totally this! We do the morning part many weekends, but he’s done night duty only three times in her 13 months of life. I really want to sleep.
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@Adira: same. I don’t think he’s ever said it to me. I’ve told him at least a handful of times that he’s a wonderful daddy.
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This post really hit home with me. I would love him to say, that I look nice, or to thank me for cooking, meal planning, budgeting, figuring out all childcare, etc.
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This is probably a good post for me to read. I can't think of anything I'd like her to say. I'd like her to DO lots of things I could easily think of. But, like @Ajsmommy: words of affirmation aren't my love language. However, they may be hers and I should be better about saying a lot of this stuff!
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@Adira: my husband tells me I'm a good mom and I call him a liar
Because I really don't believe I am.
My husband asks and does all the right things ("what can I do? You're so pretty. Do you want a backrub?" etc) every day and I'm such a miserable piece of shit it doesn't even matter. -
@pachamama: those are some harsh thoughts that I'm sure you do not deserve. Try to be gentle with yourself, this shit ain't easy and we're all doing the best we can
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@pachamama: Have you talked to anyone about those negative feelings...? We're all doing the best we can. No one's perfect.
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@Adira: I am with a therapist specializing in women's issues and have lots of support from friends and family, and my OB keeps her eye on me, but things are just bad this pregnancy. Not really sure what's going on but I can't seem to snap out of it.
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@pachamama: I'm sorry! Hopefully it's just a hormone imbalance that will level out for you soon. Feel better!
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Duplicate post.
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“The house smells nice”
My dog got skunked on monday night and I took the day off Tuesday to rid the house and the dog of the stench, but it smells ever so faintly of skunk and I wish he would stop commenting on it and change the furnace filters like I asked.
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“You do so much more than I realized!”
I think sometimes he doesn’t realize just how much I do to make his life easier. It’s not something I sit and fume about, I’m not bitter. I just think that unless I really let shit hit the fan he’ll never get it. How much he doesn’t have to even think about or know exists because I just do it. I’m always thinking and trying to get ahead of problems, try not to run out of things, worry about logistics...it’s not rocket science but since this is temporarily my “job” I try to treat it as such. At work in an office I often got commended on how smoothly things went for projects and launches and at home it feels pretty thankless.
But it’s a stage and I try to remember that
It’s not like I was thrilled at work either.
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@pachamama: Nothing could be further from the truth! From what I have seen on HB, you are an empathetic, generous, and intelligent person (and a teacher to boot
)-- a far cry from a POS. You've been through so much with your loss, infertility struggles, and getting pregnant again-- that's a lot to bear! There are so many seasons in our lives and I firmly believe that what you are going through will end someday very soon. Hugs. -
@Littlebit7: hahahaha
personally I don't want to *hear* anything. I just want to spontaneously realize that he has done the five million annoying tasks that I've asked him to do 19 times each. my love language is the one where people don't say shit and just do stuff.
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@Mrs. Cereal: "I love you" (genuinely and repeatedly) he's recently lost patience with his hormonal, funky post partum wife and said some things that really hurt... we've reconciled after a long, rough patch, but I get so self conscious every time my mood shifts or my patience wanes... & I'm honestly just so tired and overwhelmed I want to cry with this on top of everything...
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@LCTBQE: Acts of service
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@LCTBQE: same. Show me you love me by cleaning out the litter box.
Because I really don't believe I am.
It’s not like I was thrilled at work either.
)-- a far cry from a POS. You've been through so much with your loss, infertility struggles, and getting pregnant again-- that's a lot to bear! There are so many seasons in our lives and I firmly believe that what you are going through will end someday very soon. Hugs. Reply
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