What would you wear to a "Black Tie Optional" private school PTO event

By irene Jan 17, 2017

I can't believe it. DH and I are having a "heated discussion" (ahem, fighting) about what I should wear to a "Black Tie Optional" private school PTO dinner event at Ritz Carlton. I had planned to wear a dress I have (short but below knees, club monaco) but obviously, he thinks I need to buy a long gown as if we were attending the Oscars or I were one of the contestants for The Bachelor. Grrr

Another thing is, I am not super tall (5'4"), so most regular American sizes would be too long for me if I were to buy something this short of a notice. The event is in 1.5 weeks.

What would you do/wear? I just don't have time to go shop

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poll: What would you wear to a "Black Tie Optional" private school PTO dinner event?
cocktail dress : (36 votes)

86 %

formal long gown : (6 votes)

14 %

others (please elaborate) : (0 votes)

others (please elaborate) : (0 votes)

42 votes

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15 comments

youboots
honeydew / 7622 posts

Jan 17, 2017

I'd rent a fancy cocktail dress or gown from RTR. I recently went to a holiday BTO party and rented a gold knee length cocktail dress. For a school event I'd do something less shiny.

You may be able to jazz up the outfit you have with a necklace or other accessories
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@youboots: I have 0 blings.... but I do have a ton of cocktail dresses from all those weddings we used to attend when everyone was getting married. I was planning to wear one of those dresses! Ahhhh! I can't believe I am stressing over this....

ETA: How do you rent when you haven't tried it on to make sure it looks good.... or do they have a shop where you are?
mrsjd
clementine / 777 posts

Jan 18, 2017

A couple of questions. Is he wearing a tuxedo? If so, then a long dress might be more appropriate. But if he is not, then a long dress would just be weird and a cocktail dress is completely fine. And, in my experience with black tie optional, most people end up with cocktail dresses because no one wants to buy a long dress they won't wear again!
Mrs. Lemon-Lime
wonderful pea / 17279 posts

Jan 18, 2017

Cocktail dress or tea length dress. I definitely think a gown is overboard. The hosts and speakers of the event may go black tie, but certainly you do not.

"Optional" is annoying. If there is a dress code, just tell me what you really want me to wear!
Cole
grapefruit / 4649 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@irene: I'm 5'2" and I've been able to rent long dresses from rtr without issue. They let you sort things by a ton of parameters and many of the dresses have multiple hem lengths available. Their customer service is awesome too so they can help you find something that would work.

That being said, for black tie optional I think you're fine with a nice cocktail dress. Can you poll other moms you know to see of they are going full length or cocktail?
avivoca
watermelon / 14467 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@irene: RTR allows you to choose two sizes of each dress to find the best fit for you. Plus there is tons of feedback for each dress from actual customers and there are lots of parameters to choose from when limiting dresses. I've rented from them twice with great results!
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Jan 18, 2017

Cocktail dress...I wouldn't even think twice about it.

What is your husband wearing? A tux?
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@mrsjd: @looch: Thank you so much for the reassurance! Gosh, I feel so much better this morning I can't believe I spent an hour frantically looking for gowns last night. Grrr. And no, I don't think he's wearing a tux. He doesn't own one so he will have to buy/rent it somewhere. However this morning when I told him about what everyone is saying here (that a cocktail dress is OK unless he's wearing a tux) he was saying he'll go rent a tux, which I don't think he'd do. I think he is going through mid life crisis to be honest. He is conerned about how we look amongst our fellow private school parents. Most of the other moms are very beautiful, they don't work and they take good care of themselves, and have a LOT of blings. while obviously I am low(er) maintenence and I don't wear jewelry. And all the other dads appear "successful". He is also concerned that we don't have many years left where we (or I, really) can dress up and look good. He is having a "I am 40 and I just realize I don't have a trophy wife like others do" syndrome lol. Sigh. I wish I could talk about it more.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thank you so much for the reassurance!!!

@Cole: @avivoca: Thanks! It is good to know such option is available. I guess I'll see what others wear this year and I'll have this figure out earlier next year...
avivoca
watermelon / 14467 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@irene: I work for a historical society with a lot of rich, older members. Trust me, you have many, many more years where you can dress up and look good.
shellio
pear / 1614 posts

Jan 18, 2017

Awwww I say wear what you already have. He will have more fun if he worries less about what you both look like and more about connecting with the other parents and enjoying himself! I was super worried about this for our private school fundraising gala last year, and it wasn't an issue, there was a wide variety of outfits (there was a theme). After getting there and seeing the range of attire, I felt completely comfortable in what I ended up wearing, and eventually just let myself relax and chat with the parents around me and had a really good time.
SweetiePie
honeydew / 7463 posts

Jan 18, 2017

Sounds like LBD all the way. Def not a long gown, I think you'll be one of the only ones and look out of place.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@irene: Also, your jewelry, you can get some really nice pieces with semi precious stones. I personally don't like a lot of the fake bling, because who am I really kidding with those huge fake diamonds, but maybe this is an excuse to invest in some modern metal pieces, if you're into that.
purplelilac
grape / 89 posts

Jan 18, 2017

I think a cocktail dress with classy jewelry is a fine substitute since it is "optional" and not just "black tie". I also agree, if he is just wearing a suit you have no reason to wear a long dress. That said, my husband and I realized a few years ago we were wasting A LOT of money on tux rentals so he went out and just bought a mid-range one and it has been worth it. A rental will cost at least $100 and he bought a tux for $400. I also now have 2 long black tie dresses in reserve for occasions like this. I have worn them a handful of times each and they are frequently borrowed by friends.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@looch: Where do I even start looking for semi precious stones jewelry? I have a black pearl necklace (semi real I am guessing, DH gifted it to me a while ago) and was going to wear that but I do agree I can expand the semi-fake pieces for occasions like this. I think I will go get a clutch too.

@purplelilac: That's good tips! I am reluctant to buy a gown because I'd probably only wear it once as I can't wear the same gown multiple years in a row to the same PTO gala, lol. This morning I was thinking, I can buy a not-so-expensive gown ($200-500) and sell it to second hand shops. Which will turn out to be roughly the same as renting.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Jan 18, 2017

@irene: It depends what you like! I really like the following for ideas: David Yurman, Julie Vos, Becky Kelso, Kendra Scott.

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What would you wear to a "Black Tie Optional" private school PTO event

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