Hellobee Boards

Kinda both (so helpful I know!). I tell my kids to address people as Mr/ Mrs LastName, close friends are Mr/ Miss FirstName and relatives are Auntie/ Uncle. If they want to be called something less formal that's cool with me but I try to give an honorific at first to be respectful. I also live in the South so my kiddos end up being friends with like, the grocery store checkout lady and they call her Auntie Val.

Respecting elders is important to me and I always teach my children honorific terms and titles for everyone as a matter of course. If the addressee would prefer a different title or their first name, then I am okay with that, but I don't lead with it. The fun twists and variations happen when our kids throw their own funny pronunciations on it anyway.

I also think the addressee gets to pick. My family says "aunt/Uncle first name" but I think that's partly because we have family members with the same names so incle David and cousin David are used to tell people apart.

My neighbor calls me auntie because that's what they do in her calture and I think it's so sweet.

I teach lo to say aunt Mary, uncle Bob, but if they wish to be called something else, that's fine. I think it's up to the addressee. Like if someone kept calling me ma'am, I think I should be able to say, 'please, call me JerricaBenton.' For friends, none of us do the aunt/uncle thing.

We do aunt, uncle firstname - and myself and everyone I know says "ant" I refer to one of my closest friends as aunt firstname to my kids also but all other adults just go by their first name. I do remember calling adults Mrs/Mr last name unless they said to use their first name but things seem more casual now (at least in my circle)

I would think the person being addressed should always have the ability to make the choice. I've asked people what they wanted to be called, and vice versa. In DH's family they all go by Auntie/Uncle First Name. But auntie is pronounced on-tee. I pronounce it an-tee, but I prefer Aunt (ant) for myself.

So, I don't think the person who is being addressed really has a choice, nor do I see it as a situation where the first child has the right to decide what everyone else calls that person.

Case in point, my son is the fourth grandchild on my husband's side. My oldest nephew and all his siblings call my MIL some made up thing for grandmother, and my husband hates it, so he started referring to my MIL as something else, and that's what my son calls her now and she has no issue with it.

I personally think it is best to introduce someone with an honorific title, and if sticks great. If not, then that's fine too.

I grew up saying aunt/uncle first name. Same with my grandparents. That's what we're doing with our daughter. Never thought we'd do it any differently.

I think as far as gradnparents go, they should decide what they would like to be called.

Everyone else, it's up to the parents to make that call.

@Adira: oh, so weird! I thought "au" always pronounced "aw"... audio, auto-, auction, audacious, augment, etc. Dictionary.com has both prounciations. Obviously in America, both pronunciations are used, but I'm pretty sure the "awnt" is the original version.

I think it's up to the individual if they DONT want to be called aunt/uncle but it's up to the parents who they invite to be called it, unless they are the child's biological aunt/uncle, in which case the permission is automatic. In my mind, it's a special office/position in a child's life. I have been seriously irritated by my inlaws referring to all of their friends as Auntie this and Uncle that - people I don't even know!! But it's not worth offending them by bringing it up, so I seethe quietly.

@Cherrybee: I agree that non-family aunts and uncles should be decided by the parents. I grew up using aunt/ uncle with anyone that was a God-family. DH not so much in part b/c his God family were actually family members. He's weirded out that I call his BFF uncle and his wife aunt, but he's Godfather to their youngest. Calling them Mr./ Ms. seems too formal though.

@gingerbebe: yes this! He calls my BIL uncle name but my husband's friend is apple name, because at the point in time he got the hang of his name, he mis spoke and of course we encourage it to this day

So for me the parents set the baseline and the individual being addressed can request a more formal version but not a more casual one. We teach our kids to refer to all adults as 'Miss' or 'Mr' (Mrs. isn't in the rotation, all women are 'Miss') so I wouldn't let them call an Aunt or Uncle by their first name. But if someone wanted to be call Aunt Last name instead of Aunt first name it would be OK with me.

Basically I would yield to whoever's concern is ettiquette.

@JCCovi: Seriously? So if one of your friends said, "Hey, I'm not comfortable being called Miss Firstname, I'd rather be just Firstname", you'd say no?

I know I personally would not be comfortable with that. And I believe pretty strongly that a person always has the right to choose how they're addressed.