Hellobee Boards

@hummusgirl: thank you for listing out the info your research has provided rather than spouting "the facts"!! Myself and Wagon Sr. were both formula fed from day 1 (neither of our moms were ever able to produce milk and at the time it was thought formula was better than breastmilk) and both of us have above average IQs, fine immune system function, no childhood obesity, and I have allergies (none in childhood, all developed after I turned 21) while Wagon Sr. does not.

I exclusively breastfed for 7 months, then formula fed (with one thawed breastmilk bottle a day) until Wagon Jr. was a year old. Then we switched to cow's milk. With LMW we are exclusively feeding pumped milk and I'm hoping to provide enough breastmilk until she transitions to cow's milk at a year old.

If I was not able to produce breastmilk and/or nurse, I would formula feed as long as my babies were able to tolerate formula. I would only purchase breastmilk if our pediatrician told us it was our only option. In that case I would purchase from a milk bank. Then I guess I'd have to learn all about milk banks and their screening/preservation processes because I know zero about it! It would be interesting to hear from someone who actually knows about that process.

But that's just me.

I also provide my family with all the yummy FDA-approved foods... because I don't have the time, energy, or resources to source my own food, and I trust my government to set and enforce guidelines. If I did not, I would look for alternative food sources.

@runningelley @MerryC: The guilt is the worst, isn't it? And the worst part is, it's so unwarranted! The data just doesn't bear out that breast milk is *that* superior or formula *that* inferior that we should be emphasizing breastfeeding at all costs. The things that have helped me get over the guilt (sort of) are this article about the science: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

And this blog with other women's experiences: http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/

The fact is, if the difference really was that great between breastfed and formula-fed kids, it would be hard to hear but I could better understand the "lactivism" and single-minded focus on breastfeeding as the most important thing a mother can do. But it's just not. Looking at childhood obesity, for example, the biggest factor in whether a child will be obese is the weight of the mother. But you don't see billboards or people on message boards saying "Thin is best"!

@maisymay: Thanks for your kind words and good luck with pumping! When my LO would just scream at the breast instead of latching, I pumped for a while too. I don't regret it exactly, but I do wish I'd been less focused on "must give breastmilk no matter how much time it takes away from my LO and how much stress and anxiety it causes me." When I think about how for a week when my LO was just a month old, my husband did every feed so I could pump, it makes me sad. The last straw was when I was home alone with LO, he was next to me while I pumped, and he started crying but I couldn't hold/soothe him because I was hooked up to this machine. Do the benefits of breastmilk really outweigh that? I did some research and concluded my LO would be better off if I stopped pumping and spent time holding and playing with him instead. Of course, it took me 40 minutes to get anything via the pump; would've been different if my boobs could have let down in a reasonable timeframe, but they wouldn't listen to me!

@prettylizy: thank you!

@mrs. wagon: My husband and I were formula fed and are now totally healthy, too. Isn't it crazy that we listen to this pressure out there in the ether and not what we know to be true from our own experiences? Madness.

@mrs. wagon: @hummusgirl: Yay to the formula fed alums!

I was formula fed very early on as well because I was a hungry hippo and my mom just couldn't keep up.. I DO have asthma and allergies, but they do not rule my life (and I'm pretty sure I would have had them anyways).. in fact I was a college cheerleader and taught camps during the summer, so they haven't really prevented me from doing anything.

I'm not going to sit here and say why I turned out perfectly fine, but I will say that I would not hesitate to give my daughter formula if I needed to. I hate how this whole "Breast Milk is Best" campaign has made new mommies feel guilty.. Even if a woman can breastfeed and chooses not to, it's not the end of the world. I do not think my daughter will turn out any "better" just because she receives breast milk. No one should have to justify WHY they are feeding their children one thing over another.. Just my 2 cents.

@hummusgirl: Yep, that's it. As much as I know it, I still feel like I have to explain it away to the new ped, other moms, and so on. Even though none of them are judging me! I guess that's why certain comments here end up hurting SO much, even if it's not the person's intent. Because we work so hard to keep the guilt at bay, and then something stabs the core of it. If it's any consolation, it honestly is getting better at 6 months.

@hummusgirl: Nothing to add to the real discussion at hand, but have to say I loved your beakdown of reality vs the fantasy that people have constructed around the absolute importance of EBF.

I wouldn't buy it, no. If I couldn't breastfeed I would use formula and not feel the least bit guilt over it. Breastfeeding is actually pretty strange for my area, so like 99% of the babies around here are formula fed from birth..there is no reason to feel guilty, because your baby is still getting fed. It makes me furious that people are so rude and judgemental over those who chose who formula feed.

My brothers and I were all exclusively formula fed - my mom never produced milk. Both brothers are 6'2" (and we are Korean so that's super tall) and I'm 5'6". We have no allergies. I'm a lawyer, and both brothers are successful - both graduated from business school and are very successful consultants making bank. So yeah, I don't believe formula fed babies have lower IQs or are unhealthier. ( Unless of course we were meant to be rocket scientists or something instead of lawyers and consultants )

In fact, to say otherwise personally offends and makes me angry - I am not less intelligent because I wasn't breast fed.

@junebugmama: Are there studies that have conclusively proven that formula fed babies have lower IQs than breast fed babies?

@MungBean: Yes the average point difference is 12.

I know that is a real issue for some (few, but some) women. I am very sorry that you have that. I know what a joy breastfeeding has been for me (after the first few weeks!) and I know you were looking forward to it.

Another issue that we face is the lack of donor milk. Milk banks charge INSANE prices for milk, and even then its impossible to get. There are groups that I mentioned earlier that will set you up with fellow moms who are willing to pump extra for you and your babies, but again it is not perfect.

We just have such a far way to go. It is exhausting sometimes.

I would imagine I would be frustrated if I wanted to breastfeed so so badly and couldn't because of a legitimate condition and then had to watch people choose not to or not be able to due to lack of support. It isn't fair for anyone.

I think part of what made me think that people are not aware of the benefits is the cavalier way people responded to the original post by calling breast milk a "bodily fluid." Like it disgusted them. Like the nutrient rich, immune boosting, beautiful milk that feeds our sweet babies was the same thing as mucous or urine. There seems to be an "ick" factor to breast milk that I don't relate to and quite frankly find a little rude.

I did not mean to stir up emotions for you and I am very sorry if I did.

@LaineysMom: It's nice to meet another 'exception.' JD/MBA & passing CA bar on your first try - that's pretty impressive. I passed NY on my first try and passed WA the very next year. I guess we both did pretty well for being formula fed