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What an interesting subject!! Are there any discounts if you were to send multiple children to the fee school??

I think I would send both my children to public school and then if it appeared that one really needed some specialized education that they could only receive at the fee school, I would send that one child there. If they BOTH needed specialized education though... I have no idea what we would do...

Nope. I couldnt give that "advantage" to one child and not another.

My husband works in the private school sector and i'm already feeling super conflicted about what we're going to do in the future. Only some schools allow your children to go for free if you work there.

I wouldn't send either of them and save the money for their college funds.

The decision may be made for you. I'm an interesting situation where my parents gave my brother and I the choice between private and public school. Granted, the public schools in my town were well rated. But my older brother chose public school and I chose a very VERY expensive prestigious boarding school. My brother and I want to similarly rated universities, and have had equally successful careers in finance. So sometimes it's just about the best fit for THAT child and not necessarily that one option is always better than the other.

No, i wouldn't, unless they each wanted different things themselves. I know it wasn't mentioned as an option, but I would probably move if I could.

Ha! Neither would be going. I wouldn't even consider one going! At what age do these kids start these schools?

It depends. Maybe one child is more gifted or the other needs more help. If you flip it around and need to send a child to a private school because of other issues, would you deprive that child ?

I know we tend to think if our children as being equal, but that is not always the case.

I wouldn't be able to choose.

If I can't afford to send all kids to private elementary school like we plan to do, I probably would send none.

Obviously if one child needs more help than the other that would be a different situation.

@Cherrybee: "But what if child number 2 is really thick?? Like nice enough but really *derp*??" lol, you are so cute

My parents sent my brother to a really big name private high school, and they didn't even let me apply because they couldn't afford to send both of us. I was fine in public school, but it really had a big effect on me because I felt like his education was worth investing in but mine was not.

We are paying BIG bucks to live in a top school system town, so we're hoping both kids will thrive in the high quality public school system. If one of them ends up going to a private school for whatever reason and the other does not, I'd be sure to invest in the other kid in some other enriching way-- private lessons for whatever extracurricular activity they enjoy, special camps or programs during the summer, etc. I want both kids to know that I'm willing to invest time and money into whatever their primary focus is.

@looch: I agree.

All things equal, no I wouldn't send either. But being truly gifted is a special education need. I wouldn't hesitate to provide extra help for an under-performing child, why wouldn't I do the same for an over-achiever? If I really couldn't afford it, the whole discussion is pointless anyway.

Hmm, if it was just that I couldn't afford to send both then I'd probably prefer to send neither and use that tuition money to pay for extra tutoring or intensive classes outside of school for both if they needed it. Now if one got in and the other didn't, that's a different story. I wouldn't keep the one who got in from going just because their sibling didn't. Actually that kind of happened to me and my younger sister. I went to a magnet school for high school that had a really intensive application process. Two years later my sister applied and didn't get in. She went to our local high school and did great there. We actually went to the same university, and I think it worked out for the best overall. The main difference in our situation, however, is that my school was free like a normal public school so money wasn't a factor.

@Applesandbananas: Also why we always planned to be one and done. Never wanted to have to choose.

Nope, frankly my parents invested more in my sister and her education because she was considered gifted at an early age. They thought I was an underachiever but I was just undiagnosed dyslexic until my sophomore English teacher caught it in College. I am thankful for all they did for me, including paying for college, it's more than what many others are given. I will never forget how I felt with the many chats about how they could not afford to do the same things for me that they did for my older sister.

I wouldn't do this. If I can't afford it for both then they both go public (our kid(s) will be going public regardless). Now, if there were special needs that one child had then obviously that's a different story.

I mentored a girl whose parents put her in public and put her brother in private...simply because the brother is a boy. She's definitely not okay with this situation, but what can she do about it?

My gut reaction is no bc I don't want my kids to feel like we are treating them differently - but isn't that life?

If one child is exceptionally smart and gets into an incredible program - why not send them if you can afford it - easy of the other kid isn't qualified at all. An impossible decision if both kids are exceptional

or if one child was amazingly athletic - like future NFL quarterback, or the next Michael Jordan or an Olympic athlete - wouldn't you do all you could to help them reach their full potential and if the other kid is average they would have to understand why there is some different treatment - not that one child is better or valued more - but that it's just a different situation. It would be so tough though and I think it would be a parenting challenge to make sure the kids love each other and feel equally loved.

My best friend is going through this - her first is exception - like writing code for computer programs in 1st grade but her second is average academically and would have no chance placing into the gifted school. She can afford to send both but her second is not there academically and goes to a great school. She makes sure they celebrate the second kid's interests and activities - he's super athletic (which makes her oldest feel bad at times) but her kids are just super different so she can't treat them the same even if she wanted to

My DH was sent to private school by his grandparents but it was never offered to his sister bc she was average. He often wonders how she felt having her younger brother being favored this way. He got a full scholarship to Duke while she dropped out after a semester of college (his grandparents did offer to pay for her college tuition). It's just so hard..