DD is going to be 8 mos on 2/4. She has never really STTN. For the past 2.5 mos she has been waking every few hours. She usually gets a bath around 7:30 pm, I start trying to put her down by 8pm (usually nurse to sleep sometimes DH will wear her in the ergo or gira wrap until she' falls asleep) and by 8:30-9pm put her in her crib. She's a very light sleeper and transferring her to the crib takes at least 2-3 tries. She'll sleep in the crib until 12- 12:30 on the dot and then she's standing up hysterically screaming. Ive tried to let her fuss a little but she just gets so worked up, and sometimes pukes 
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I'm so sorry. It sounds she has several sleeping "crutches" that she is attached to. Around this age they start noticing their surroundings and if they are used to falling asleep either nursing or walking around then she doesn't know what to do when she wakes in the middle of the night. Its very normal to still be waking in the middle of the night, its a matter of if she knows what to do at that time.
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/03/23/when-to-sleep-train/
Unfortunately at 8 months you are in a tough stage (separation anxiety and object permanence). But if you are desperate you will have to do some extreme sleep training.
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I don't think 8 months is that old to still not sttn, but I agree with everything @T.H.O.U.: said. It sounds like she needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own since the regular things you are doing aren't working anymore. Plus you and your husband must be going insane with a two hour bedtime then having her wake up a couple of hours later! I personally would try to tackle falling asleep first then deal with the night wake ups if needed. Once my LO learned to fall asleep at night the wake ups during the night stretched out a little on their own.
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I'm so sorry... I'm not going to be much help because neither of my girls STTN until they were 13 months old. DD2 would wake 4x/nt no matter what we did. Both just magically stopped right after they turned 12.
I know that doesn't help, but I just want to let you know I can commiserate and also tell you that it really won't last forever.
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@BabyBoecksMom: Both of my kids were pretty much the same way. 2-3x per night, finally dropping to once around a year and then by 14-16months consistently STTN (which is still only usually 8pm - 5am for us
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The very first time DD1 STTN, she was 9 months old, and then it didn't happen again for 3 more months. Even now, between my 3.5 year old and my almost 2 year old, a night without at minimum 1 wake up, is exceedingly rare.
The wakes get shorter and less involved though. Can you have your SO handle it and give a bottle?
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My girls didn't STTN until 22 months and 15 months.... for me, it took weaning or being close to weaning from nursing for them to STTN.
This too shall pass!
Everyone's approach to this is different, but I am pro "wait it out" rather than "cry it out," and I believe waking at night is normal for babies. And honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with nursing to sleep, wearing to sleep, bouncing to sleep, nursing through the night, and bed sharing. Unless you're miserable, my personal advice would be to just roll with it and eventually she will learn to sleep on her own. But remember, she is just a little baby!
This might be kind of a dramatic scenario for some, but I liken it to myself. If I fell asleep with my husband close to me, yet woke up in the middle of the night with him gone, I would be scared. And then if I called and called for him (which for a baby would be crying), and he just ignored me and refused to respond? I would be so hurt! And that's as an adult with language and the ability to communicate and coping skills to deal with my fear or lonesomeness. I don't think it's fair to do that to a baby.
Babies need us. During the day AND through the night. Those are MY thoughts.
Hang in there. Remember this time will pass. Do what your mama gut says.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: yep! 100%.
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Mine was the same. I think unless you're sleep training, this sounds pretty normal. We also chose to wait it out. It wasn't easy, but it was the right decision for us.
@Rainbow Sprinkles: I'm with you
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How much is she napping during the day? As soon as we dropped T to 1 nap she started STTN. She did not sleep as poorly as year babe but was waking up sometimes 2-3 times a night for months.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles:
️ My 8 month old does not sttn and our ped told us breastfed babies want to nurse during the night, and advised us not to sleep train. And I pretty much have the same feelings as @rainbow sparkles. DD is not interested in solids much either, but it helps if she's had a bit of her teething wafer or bit of purée at night. That *might* get me a solid chunk of 4hrs. I'm of the mindset that this too shall pass!
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I night weaned around 8 months because I could handle being a human pacifier. That help sleep so much. But it was short lived, now colds and teeth have him finishing the night with me. But still no night nursing.
I also moved bedtime much earlier 6:30 pm from 8pm when it was taking two plus hours to put him to sleep and it made a huge difference. Maybe worth a try.
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Thanks everyone for your advice and input! It's so reassuring to hear that this isn't uncommon for her age.
@youboots: she doesn't really nap much during the day. Maybe 30 mins? She usually dozes off while nursing an will stay asleep as long as I'm holding her.
@Rainbow Sprinkles: that's a really good way to put it! I totally agree. CIO method never worked for her and it broke my heart hearing her scream! DH grandma was just making me feel like I was making the wrong choice by allowing her to sleep with us she said that if we kept doing this we'd eventually have a 10 year old sleeping with us. I think we'll just wait it out as long as we have to.
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@hocuspocus: I remember 8-9 mo as a rough sleep stage. It got better, although we had more bumps in the road. All kids do eventually learn to sleep through the night - whether sleep trained or not. "Eventually" being the operative word
. I know how hard it is right now, but you're doing a great job!
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@Zbug: thank you! We had a big move around thanksgiving I swear since then her sleep has been way off. She would only wake 1-2 times a night then. I know it can change as she gets older too but I feel like her whole schedule changed on her and now it's like a habit for her to wake up at 12,2,4 and up for the day around 7 am. It's exhausting but it will pass and one day I will miss all her little nighttime snuggles.
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Ugh infant sleep!
30min a day napping? Is that at a time or overall? That seems very short if it's overall.
My DD only slept for 45 min at a time until about 7 months but had 3-4 naps a day. Now at 9 months she's having two naps a day (1- 1hr and 1- 2.5/3 hr). It took dropping the third nap to get her to those longer sleeps. She also started sleeping through the night on her own at 8.5 months once solids were well established and her naps got better. I did find letting her cry a bit to drop one of the feeds helped. We also do the earlier bedtime (6:30/7) depending on mood.
I do agree there's a lot of sleep crutches there. The real question is are you happy with the situation or do you want to change things? There's other methods of sleep training that aren't cry it out. But it will depend on you being consistent and you may want to look at transitioning out of the crutches either one by one or cold turkey.
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I'm sorry you're having a tough time! For us around the 8/9 month we went through a super clingy phase where DD literally wanted me to rock and hold her all night. I think just developmentally they have figured out the concept of object permanence so they now understand that you exist when you aren't right there with them. I really don't have any advice of how to make things better other than everything is a phase and she will at some point sleep through the night. Every day/ week/ month sleep is changing so how things are isn't how they are going to be forever. My DD went from the clingy phase at 9 months to super independent phase at 12 months. One day she just decided thAt she didn't want me to rock or hold her
but then figured out on her own how to fall (and finally around the year mark) stay asleep for the night. Hang in there! Your little one will figure things out -
Sleep has been a crapshoot at 8 months for us, too. T sleeps better if I'm not nearby-he smells me, wakes up, and wants to be on me all night. Plus I work nights sometimes so that's a fun element. Anywaus, it's really fucking exhausting and absolutely kills my back to sleep like that. I can't get up or get ready for work, either, because he may wake up and roll off the bed. I guess it just depends if you want to continue with what you're doing or if you want to guide your LO In a different direction. Sounds like object permanence
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I feel for you! This was us 6-7 weeks ago. 8 months was perhaps the worst point in our son's sleep. He would go to sleep between 7:30-8:30p, and have 3-4 wake-ups between then and midnight. It also took 2-3 tries every night to get him to stay in his crib (he'd wake and scream). He'd then have a longer period of uninterrupted sleep, usually 3-4 hours. After his next wake-up, DH would go get him, bring him to our bed, I'd feed him, and we'd co-sleep for the remainder of the night/early morning. He'd still wake-up for good between 6:00 and 7:30 am. It was NOT working for us any longer, and his sleep was only getting worse. I was so tired during the day, and the crazy, frequent evening wake-ups prevented DH and I from spending any quality time together.
We tired all sorts of sleep solutions, and DH attended a sleep seminar, but eventually we did CIO - even though I was so against this at first. Additionally, we became really strict with his naps (around 9:30 and 1:30p), and went to an earlier bedtime (between 6:00-6:30p). We use a sound machine, a lovey, and I nurse him to sleep. He now sleeps 13 hrs and wakes only once or twice (I feed him then). Transfers to the crib are seamless. He will open his eyes sometimes, see me pulling away, and just close them and go to sleep. He is secure that his parents are nearby, but doesn't need us right there. We no longer co-sleep, although I do bring him into bed for his morning feed.
On CIO: DS only cried for 2-15 mins (once it was 20 mins) before falling asleep. If he screamed instead of just crying, we'd go get him and soothe him (usually with a boob!), and he'd settle down and go to sleep fairly easily at that point. It probably took a couple of weeks before bedtimes became really easy. But now I'm so happy we decided to give it a try. He's a really happy, well-adjusted baby, and has really benefited. In the morning, he will usually play in his crib on waking, and doesn't seem to associate any negativity towards his crib or room. His naps are only 40-45 mins during the day, which is probably the only thing I'd wish different. All that to say, that sleep training isn't necessarily a bad thing! And while it's not for everyone, it has changed our life.
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@Astro Bee: wow 13 hours! I can't even imagine that. Sounds amazing! Definitely gives me hope! Lol she doesn't nap much at all during the day. She'll doze off for maybe 30 mins after nursing (maybe twice a day) but if I try to get up and put her down she'll instantly wake up screaming. She looks SO tired throughout the day. She is SUPER clingy lately also. I can't even set her down and leave the room without her screaming
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@HocusPocus: Hugs! That's hard. DS has gone through some super clingy periods, and he was particularly clingy at that point. And whiny. I think we were misreading his sleep cues, and were putting him to bed too late... which messed up his naps the next day... which made him overtired... etcetera, etcetera. A friend recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child." It had some really good info about appropriate sleep habits/schedules, and gave us a place to start. I understand not wanting to bother your neighbours. We waited until the holidays when we were at my parents' detached house to sleep train; we have a townhouse, too.
I didn't mind the co-sleeping part either, but waking multiple times throughout the night for feedings got old with having to switch sides for nursing part way through the night. And he's cry until I got adjusted. I also never slept as well with him in the bed.
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It's tough when you don't have one of those miracle babies (like my niece) who STTN at 2 months. DS1 only slept through the night at 15.5 months, when he started walking. What made me feel better during that time was all the research suggesting that babies have good reasons to wake up at night: http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleepstudies/
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